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This post is to ask for comments/suggestions on steps I can take to help my wife cope with my actions prior to our marriage and unfortunately on the day of our wedding.
First when we were dating I had actions that were cold and hurtful. When we were supposed to move in together for the first time I changed my mind and told her that I did not want her to move in. This put her in a bad position as she gave notice at her apartment and also caused trust issues. We stayed apart for a couple of months but managed to get back together however my committment issues remained. We split up again a couple of times before separating for good or so we thought. After my company went bankrupt I was at a position where I needed to decide what I wanted going forward. I decided that she was the most important thing for me and I wanted to be with her.
So we got back together again. But this time after she moved in I was physically abusive. This needless to say caused her to have more issues with me regarding trust.
We went through this period and set on marriage. My proposal was lacking in the planning department. I had planned a nice dinner and decided that after dinner we would drive down to the lake and have some wine and then I would propose to her.
Now I did not prepare what I was going to say, which was a huge error on my part, as my proposal ended with "..so do you want to get married or what?" So even after this she still accepted my proposal.
As I said earlier during this period I was unemployed so this placed a large constraint on how we could get married. We decided that we would elope at a resort away from the city. A couple of my wife's friends were present. But really my wife did not want this as her wedding. On the night of the wedding after dinner I proceeded to get very drunk and ended up blacking out and passing out on the floor. My wife was left alone by herself on our wedding night.
I will admit that I have issues with self hatred and believed that I was worthless since my early teens and I used alcohol and to a lesser extent drugs as a crutch. But this by no means can diminish my actions.
We are now going on our second anniversary and I am looking for advice on how I can help my wife, coping with how my actions have caused her to not trust me and the pain she has by not having the wedding se deserved.
First when we were dating I had actions that were cold and hurtful. When we were supposed to move in together for the first time I changed my mind and told her that I did not want her to move in. This put her in a bad position as she gave notice at her apartment and also caused trust issues. We stayed apart for a couple of months but managed to get back together however my committment issues remained. We split up again a couple of times before separating for good or so we thought. After my company went bankrupt I was at a position where I needed to decide what I wanted going forward. I decided that she was the most important thing for me and I wanted to be with her.
So we got back together again. But this time after she moved in I was physically abusive. This needless to say caused her to have more issues with me regarding trust.
We went through this period and set on marriage. My proposal was lacking in the planning department. I had planned a nice dinner and decided that after dinner we would drive down to the lake and have some wine and then I would propose to her.
Now I did not prepare what I was going to say, which was a huge error on my part, as my proposal ended with "..so do you want to get married or what?" So even after this she still accepted my proposal.
As I said earlier during this period I was unemployed so this placed a large constraint on how we could get married. We decided that we would elope at a resort away from the city. A couple of my wife's friends were present. But really my wife did not want this as her wedding. On the night of the wedding after dinner I proceeded to get very drunk and ended up blacking out and passing out on the floor. My wife was left alone by herself on our wedding night.
I will admit that I have issues with self hatred and believed that I was worthless since my early teens and I used alcohol and to a lesser extent drugs as a crutch. But this by no means can diminish my actions.
We are now going on our second anniversary and I am looking for advice on how I can help my wife, coping with how my actions have caused her to not trust me and the pain she has by not having the wedding se deserved.