Well, I am not sure how to talk about this other than just saying it and getting advice. I have been married to wife for 19 years. We have 2 great children, a great house and I have a good job. My issue is wife the lack of intimacy. My wife never wants to intimate and if I try to “make a move” she is too tired, doesn’t feel like it, or it is that time of the month. Before I continue I need to add that about 14 years ago I was unfaithful. That was a mistake and almost cost me everything :banghead::banghead:. I think that maybe one reason my wife isn’t being intimate but I am not sure.
When I asked her why we are rarely intimate, she has said that she was too busy taking care of things around the house and I never helped out. Well, after that I have adjusted and do the dishes, laundry, cook, etc and I feel that I am doing my fair share of chores around the house. Still nothing . I am starting to get the feeling that I am just a pay check to her. It has gotten so bad that I have looked into how much child support would be if we divorced. But I don’t want to do that. She would never be able to afford to live on her own with or without the kids. And if the kids decided to stay with me and not her I am sure she would be crushed and I am afraid what she would do. I just want her to show some affection and for us to have a normal sex life. If a normal sex life is having sex once every three months than I guess I will just learn to live with it. Thanks for any advice.
Yoda,
If you are looking for a quick fix - there isn't one.
If however you are willing to work through a process, then perhaps your situation can be significantly improved.
The folks who tend to achieve a good/great outcome share a short list of traits:
- Highly self aware
- Brutally honest
- Focused on discovering the truth, whatever that turns out to be
- Reasonably smart
- Patient
- Disciplined
- Moderate to high risk tolerance
I would suggest marriage counseling to get past the affair and for her to understand how important if she is going to forgive, that getting back to a loving intimate relationship is important or you are just going to cheat again (simply for sex) she needs to understand how important sex is for a man, and that is (as many men mention on here) the one thing that marriage vows prevent you for getting fulfilled elsewhere. I would even suggest she read some of this forum (if she cannot tell who you are) and the many many stories of unhappy rejected men and exactly how they feel. I know it helped me to see things from my husbands standpoint.
It lead to to be sexually starved, weak and had an affair.
You are truly sorry and its been 14 years of being faithful.
I would say go to marriage counseling and see if its the affair from way back. If it is, you both can finally work on it. If it isn't, then she is just LD and doesn't seem to want change.
Well since even the CDC is into zombies and there is a popular TV show about a zombie medical examiner in Seattle, why not continue.
I would agree with the list, but add a couple more characteristics.
Willing to try change to see what it will bring.
Willing to admit that you might be part of the problem
Willing to forgive the pain that their partner has inflicted upon them.
Focused on the future and not the past.
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