Going through a very similar situation here. Married 18 years. 2 kids. I have been battling depression for a few years and am now feeling so much better, getting treatment, lost weight, etc. The past few years have been very hard on my husband and I think he's been discouraged for a long time. And he has said similar things--that he is having a hard time getting the feelings back, thinks we both might be happy with someone else, etc. I don't think he is having an affair at this moment, but I do think the "idea" of someone else is what he is attracted to. He has made plans to separate. He says he feels "gutted" and is beating himself up over not being able to help me. He says he doesn't want to repeat the mistakes of his dad (who divorced his mom) yet he wants to separate, etc
I am now reading the book "the Divorce Remedy" and so far I like a lot of what it says. It is up to me to try and turn this ship around and I am just getting to the part where she spells out the paln. We are also both seeing therapists and looking for a new MC as our first one was not very helpful. My husband is doing a lot of work to deal with some of his past issues. It's a good sign that your husband has agreed to keep working on the marriage. I wish I had advice for you but so far for me, the therapy and the book have helped a lot. I haven't really done the 180 because if we agree to keep working on the marriage, how do you do that? So we are still in limbo a bit here, I guess. I'm so sorry you are going through this. it sucks.