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I'll echo that congrats on your sobriety.

I hope you've talked to your sponsor about how you're feeling. The things that come to my mind is that you're trying to assert your will instead of turning things over to your higher power. The very first step is admitting you're powerless over alcohol and that your life had become unmanageable. The second step is recognizing a need for a power greater than yourself.

You've heard that it's best NOT to get involved in intimate relationships during your first year of sobriety, and you're trying to force something that experienced people say sabotages sobriety. Why? Why are you trying to manage things you cannot control? This is stinking thinking!!

You're straying from your program pretty significantly, but if you get back with your sponsor and work your program, your problem will resolve itself.
 
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