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I have reconnected with one of my high school crushes, and now that we are older and more mature, we have decided to give a serious relationship a try. He lives about two hours from me until he can relocate jobs to my area, but that's not the problem....his communication is limited to say the least. Instead of talking through a problem, he would rather ignore it. If I bring up an issue, he feels nagged. How can I create or foster a healthy communicative relationship with someone who lacks the proper communication skills. Is it too early for counseling? its been about four months....also does anyone know any couples counseling places in the bay area?:confused:
THANKS!
 

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Hi, Trying. I'm over 50 now and still have problems with communication after over 30 years of being married. To some extent, it's a guy thing. It took my wife many years to get through to me, and that was after persuading me to attend some seminars, etc. It's a miracle she didn't give up. A lucky one for me, that is. Also, I still have a long way to go. I don't think it's too early for counseling at all, in fact I would recommend it before you tie the knot. If he doesn't agree, I know it's not what you want to hear, but I'd recommend some serious and longer-term thinking on this matter. Hope my 2 cents worth helps.
 

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Let me tell that one this is one problem that will break up your marriage when you do get married, your head will spin. Since communication is the key to a sucessful relationship. This needs to be worked on now before any marriage committment is made.
 

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I would defently be doing pre-marriage couneling. If you want to have a relationship that will last then you have to be able to talk and also to listen to each other. Thats the real hard part right there. listening without getting defensive..boy this day with modern medicine would be nice if they had a pill for that LOL.
 

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I hope you're not feeling outnumbered or anything because the replies are running pretty consistent. It's just that the rest of us can maybe see things a little more objectively than you can in this particular case since we're not involved with this fellow. I've known lots of miserably married people and some unhappy single ones. I think the unhappy married ones have the worse scenario of the two. Plus, if you begin a family, the children are affected. It is common for the single ones to feel that this is their chance to secure a mate and that they shouldn't let it pass. I don't know if this is true in your case, mind you, but I have observed this with many of them. At least if you're not into an unhappy marriage, you are free to pursue your goals. Once you've done it, things are different.

I'd like to hear some thoughts back from you and whether any of this is helping.
 

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I'd say try to work things out before getting married or moving in together. There are things that are better fixed before, like communication. If you can't have it, then I really don't see it as a "happy ending" situation. Be clear of what you want. Sometimes it is better to be alone that to be miserably married.
 

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Sorry, Trying, but a relationship where one partner ignores problems and won't talk about them doesn't sound like an older and more mature relationship to me. Four months on and he's already calling you a nag? I'm wondering if maybe you are still looking at him through high-school-eyes. As was said before, unhappiness as a couple is one of the saddest things there are. You are completely right about couples counseling, and real changes, probably on both of your parts, needs to happen before any serious talk about taking the relationship further. To find counseling, you can check out your yellow pages, or you might want to call your doctor's office and they may have some information, or have a counselor that they regularly refer to. Work this out now, and you won't have to write back here because your husband hasn't changed (or has gotten worse). Good luck to you both.
 
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