I have been with my wife for almost 5 years. We got married 5 months ago in June. We had the most amazing relationship up till now. We never fought, we always got along, she was a best friend. Someone i could just do nothing with and be happier than ever. Our problems started when she graduated from college and had a hard time finding a job. No this isn't a money problem. She got hired at a restaurant as a hostess. With a $90,000.00 education and a Bachelors in Health Science she is making 9 bucks an hour part time. Again this is not the problem, it sucks, but its not the problem. The problem is she for the first time is making friends with all the other hostesses. These people are just drama ridden. I had no problem with this until she started to get interested in going out with these people. These people go out all the time. I could tell my wife is now interested in hanging out with friends all the time, even though it hasn't gotten there yet. I know it is what she wants. So i overreacted and freaked telling her that isn't what i want, I don't want to compete for her attention. Big mistake. we fought, and i later decided to just let her do whatever she wanted because if i didn't i would just be pushing her away, and i love her too much to let anything risk our marriage. She did the complete opposite of what i wanted out of spite. I found out later she was texting her friend and telling her things like, "my controlling husband, only wants to go so he can watch me and judge my friends" To me, that is betrayal. It is not even the thing she said that hurt, it is why she said it, and how willing she was to think of me like i am a problem in her life now. I would never even think this way about her, but she did with me. I just don't know how to feel. I feel like my loyalty to her is on a different level than hers. Mind you again these are people i have never met, never seen, and just met my wife a few months ago. She deleted the texts to hide this from me, but i just knew something was wrong. She lied to me to get away from telling me, but in the end it came out. I am very good at reading people, i know when people lie to me. And she is very bad at lying. it was almost written on her forehead. Now i have lost my trust in her. She sold me out, and betrayed me for some person she just barely met. It cut so so deep and i am trying so hard to get over it. I didn't get mad, or angry, i have just withdrawn into myself, the only emotion you can tell i have is sadness. I basically told her she can do whatever she wants. If i tried to tell her no at this point, i would just lose her. She already showed me she is willing to self destruct our marriage if i don't. I am 25 and she is 22. She has always shown me to be more mature than her age, but after getting this job i watched her digress into the mindset of a teenager. Where life is all about hanging out with friends. I don't get to see my wife very much either. She works nights, and i am in school during the day. This makes it even worse. She has told me how sorry she is and how bad she feels for everything, but she has not shown me at all that our marriage is her priority and she would do anything to fix it. I still feel like i let her do whatever she wants or she is gone.
Another huge problem for me is she sits on the couch when we are watching movies and tv and she texts people all night long. Is this something a wife should be doing? I barely see her, we are having the hardest and worst time of our whole relationship, and when we do get some time together she is off in a world that i am not a part of. I feel like i have become second place to her.
My question is am i being over sensative, controlling, jealous, unreasonable, or am i reacting in a normal way? My parents were my only models, and i never saw my mom taking off at least once a week to hang out with people my dad didn't know. She never went to parties without my dad. She didn't hang out with people at their houses until 2am watching movies. She never sat on the couch texting people all night long. I had a very different idea of what growing up entails. her parents however are the opposite. They did all this stuff, and ironically, they have a horrible, failed marriage. No respect, cheating, money problems, abuse, separation many times. her parents are her models.
HELP ME!! what do i do next?!
I am trying to take the steps from childhood into adulthood. I want to get past the "hanging out" with friends bit. I have been away from my friends for 3 years because i am also in college completing a Nursing degree. But i never spent time with my friends without inviting her first, and she always came because my friends were her friends also. her friends are complete strangers to me, and they are immature drama queens, i could never be interested in this... I want to get away from that, and she wants to dive right in. I am hoping to God she gets a job offer in a professional career where the co-workers are older, also married, and show her married people don't concentrate their free time on partying, hanging out at restaurant bars, ect. And the friends she does make are people that are level headed and good for her. So i can feel comfortable with her going out without me because i trust these people. Hell maybe even i could be a apart of her friends and stuff.