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HELP!! Schizophrenia, Separation, adultery, should I go back?

4597 Views 11 Replies 9 Participants Last post by  SurpriseMyself
My case is not so cut and dry.

I met my husband online, we became best friends, then fell in love. I have always been a spiritual person and my wedding vows are my life long oaths.

4 months after we were married my new husband - and father to be- changed. He became extremely neglectful, self centered, leaving us (my son, my baby and I ~fresh from a C-Section) in dire straights. Meaning I had to beg him to cut wood for the wood stove in which he seldom "had time for"~we were on a Canadian farm in mid-Winter~; he took on a multitude of expensive, still unfinished projects, alienating me in the decision making and leaving our family in financial debt, and claimed I was poisoning his food ~ so he ate out with his friends. He also chased out our tenants, losing that income, and even though explained, they took vengeance by stealing and wrecking the place.
He rolled us in his jeep trying to outrun delusions and began to interrogate me and the kids daily.

My husband was diagnosed with schizophrenia and hospitalized the next summer months after having an "episode" at work. He inherited this disorder from his aunt ~ who had acquired it around the same age. The nurses kept telling me to tell him "that home would take care of itself and he was to heal". I visited as often as I could as I was trying to clean up the mess he left behind with an infant and my newly diagnosed ODD, ADHD son.

I managed to work us out of most of the unresolved problems and debt with a repayment plan, I put us back on track with home life and maintained a very demanding lifestyle with rare breaks while he struggled with depression and meds. He didn't shower, change clothes (he was 'metro-sexual' when we met), he just watched TV and let me do everything, ignoring me when I begged, pleaded, lectured for his aid and drive to return. After months of this I turned to criticism, judgment and ultimatums, for that I am sorry. AND he seldom wanted sex, so when he did, I was too tired of riding the roller-coaster to comply *plus I find un-brushed teeth a huge turn off*

I started suffering from gallbladder attacks (very painful) and poor self esteem as my husband would talk of "swinger clubs" and pursuing his education by living in the city. From one 'mission' to another everyday, none of which included us as a family unit. All pointed to separation, which, from exhaustion, I was more than happy to give when his attention turned one day to divorce ~and taking the baby one week with him in the city and one week with me in the country... so I took the kids and left him, assuring him it was a break *so he would let me out of the locked bathroom.

I was shocked when he called me 2 weeks later at my mother's and demanded an exact date of separation "for his taxes" as this event took place this past April. So we agreed on a date. It was over. All my work, wishing, and praying was dumped. He dumped me.

I immediately went into survival mode and pursued employment across the country (where income in my trade is higher and there would be nil chance of his vengeance). Also there are more support programs for my son.

Whilst he continued soul-searching and found himself a "friend with benefits" ~who just so happens to be a distant associate in my prof trade". He barely called. He just moved on.

Meanwhile we got crushed by a half ton chev, a month after arriving here, I lost my job and my sons both got sick. To say it's been trying, well, try dealing with insurance companies on top of everything else.:mad: Again, no real sentiment came from him, and no money support either.

Now, after I set us up here, he wants me back. After a summer with *miss A* and freedom, he said that he wants me back. No real reason except he misses the family he barely paid attention to. He made me a necklace, sent me roses but told me that the affair is not an affair because I left and he doesn't feel the need to beg forgiveness and it was 'my fault' or both of 'our faults' that the divorce happened in the first place as I had given him ultimatums for months before his own.

I don't know who's right or wrong. I feel betrayed in so many ways.

I'm too tired to think anymore...
-Apart of me says "let him go, he's sick and the children are happier now and we are WORTH more than his summer discernment of us"

-another part says that "the kids deserve a father and I should give hm a second chance for the sake of a solid family life".

Should I just move on and let him fend for himself? I know it certainly would be the easier route...:confused:
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I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I too am dealing with a spouse with schizophrenia. Our stories are completely different, but the choices we face are similar. I'm realizing that because of her illness our life together will never be the same. There is no magic pill, that will make everything better, and you really have to think long and hard if can continue to ride the roller coaster. I always wanted to believe I have to do whatever I can to keep my family together, now I'm starting to believe I have to do whatever I can to provide my children a stable place to live.
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