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basicly we have been together for 20 years been thru hell and back first couple years we meet when both of us were sepearated and were both going thru divorce and went thru two child custody battles...long story short all kids grown and our son together in now a senior and drives. Do to no one really needs me i have started to smother him...these are my words not his. I text him too much...and I get jealous when he starts hanging out with his friends the worse part is he wants me to come too..and i still get jealous and make no real effort to be friends with his friends and its shows...need to figure out how to fix this cause i want to spend 20 more years with him...any suggestions... i think i am having empty nester
 

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Not quite sure how to help. But, we are 2/3 empty nesters, 3/4 of the time, if that makes any sense. (3 kids - 2 in college and gone most of the year) All I can say is, although we are not looking forward to getting older, we can't wait to be empty nesters, just so we can spend more quality time together than we do now.
 

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If you are jealous of his friends, then you need to become the woman he chases. This is a great opportunity for the female 180.

Do you work? If not, I suggest doing volunteer work such as delivering flowers to rooms in the hospital, serving meals to the needy at a soup kitchen or a church, start a side business for a hobby you enjoy. You are more than his wife, your kids' mother. You are a woman and you were long ago. You need to get in touch with your inner woman.
 

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What my wife and have found as ours have all left is that we do more and more together. That means active hobbies and such. Walking, riding, classes at the gym, concerts, etc.

I help her in the kitchen and she helps me in the yard. We have taken up or are pursuing other interests that we put on hold or hadn't thought about before. Its great he is asking you to go along with his friends but its time you made some friends as well.

What have you always wanted to do but couldn't because of the kids? Have you ramped up the sex life? Lot of area to play in there :)

There is so many possibilities when the kids leave home. I know it can be a bit scary/lonely but embrace the changes...its your time now. Enjoy.
 

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Trying, it sounds like raising your kids was your purpose in life, and now that this time is ending, you have to find another purpose but you're having trouble figuring out what it is.

If you want your relationship to be your new purpose, then you'll need to find ways to support it that he LIKES... getting to know his friends and making them envy your man for the great relationship they see you two having.

But your relationship isn't the only other purpose you can have. Now's a great time to figure out how you can leave your unique mark on the world. As Enjoli said, you can find opportunities through volunteer work. You might decide to take up writing or start a business or develop a fun hubby you enjoy into some part-time income. You could go back to school or just take a class you're interested in. These things make you more interesting because you have more to talk about when chatting about your day.
 

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Why don't you want to make any effort to be friends with his friends?

I'd suggest that you start focusing on yourself and figuring out who you are now that you aren't focused on raising kids. Do you have any interests or hobbies? Try something new like joining a gym and taking yoga or dance or spin classes. Try an outdoor sport like swimming or biking or running. That gives you some options for meeting new friends of your own.

Go and do all those things you never had time for before - museums, art galleries, music festivals and concerts, gardening, art classes, website development, financial management, book clubs, whatever you might have any interest in.

Volunteer work or a part time job can also open your world to others.

I'm sure you know other mothers in the neighborhood, or mothers of your kids' friends...I'll bet some of them are empty-nesters or virtually empty-nesters. Call them and invite them out with you to some of these activities, or for coffee or lunch. Make friends with them, and they can introduce you to others as well.

Point being, you are a person. This is a wonderful opportunity for you to develop new sides of yourself and to learn about what is meaningful in life to you besides children and husband.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
thanks so much for the great advice i actually took notes and what ya ll said. I have wanted to start a business making hair bows for girls anyways I guess now is the time to do it.
 
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