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Discussion Starter #1
we have been together for 12 years married a 2 years we have seperated in the past for the same reasons its all about me an never her im not romantic enough ext i know i need to change i have changed in the past but as soon as i became comftable i went back to the same old me and she is hurt we where not married then and i know things are differnt now but im trying to change i dont want to be that person i was and see her hurt she will not give me the time of day and kills me i dont want to bother her but its so hard not too its hard to lose not only your wife but your best friend i just need some advise i have two children with her and i dont want this to be like this i tried getting her to go to cousling she will not come should i not bother her or should i not sure what to do please help
 

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I know this may not be what you want to hear, but why do you want to stay in a relationship where you can't be you? Change is always difficult, but if she is DONE the best thing you can do for your selves and for your kids is to try to keep the "best friend" part. If she isn't happy with you being you, you should hope she finds happiness- even at your expense. And if you can't be you with her, I think you should try finding someone with whom you can be you.
 

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Hi,
What I would be curious about is to know how committed both of you are on your relationship.
How much do you really want to work on this?
How much do you believe is your relationship?
Do you still see each other in three years from now?

Those are some questions that you should ask yourself and your wife.
Just ask her when it would be a good time for her to have a conversation around your relationship. Don't rush her, just ask her when she will be ready to talk, just tell her how important it is for you to have that talk.

You can make it work!
 

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We have been together for 12 years, married a 2 years. We have seperated in the past for the same reasons - its all about me and never her. I'm not romantic enough. I know i need to change. I have changed in the past but as soon as i become comfortable I go back to the same old me and she is hurt. We were not married then and I know things are differnt now but I am trying to change. I dont want to be that person I was and see her hurt. She will not give me the time of day and it kills me. I dont want to bother her but its so hard not to. It's hard to lose not only your wife but your best friend. I just need some advise. I have two children with her and I dont want this to be like this. I tried getting her to go to cousling but she will not come. Should I or should I not bother her? Not sure what to do. Please help.
Punctuation is a beautiful thing...
 

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yes you must of missed understand me i was a different person them something changed me to be a person thast dont care i dont want to be like this i was different im not the man i was and i dont think she wants to try anymore because she is afraid of being hurt i think that i am just going to oleave her alone for know ans work on me them maybe we can branch into friends again
 

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She may be your best friend and wife, but she doesn't see you as HER best friend. If she doesn't want your friendship, there's not much you can do, but your starting point is to make sure you act like someone she'd want to be best friends with.[/QUOTE
I do go to counseling she won't and you hit the nail right on the head I need to be someone she would want to be friend with thanks
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yes you must of missed understand me i was a different person them something changed me to be a person thast dont care i dont want to be like this i was different im not the man i was and i dont think she wants to try anymore because she is afraid of being hurt i think that i am just going to oleave her alone for know ans work on me them maybe we can branch into friends again
What kind of society do we live in where people don't use punctuation? Are you a child? Please, it's impossible to read that drivel without punctuation. How can you have standards for yourself and your marriage when you don't even have standards for your own writing?

Ok, off soap box.

You come across like you're eternally trying to please your wife and blaming yourself for everything. Not good. It takes equal responsibility from both partners to have a good relationship and by the sound of it your wife isn't contributing to the success of your marriage.

It's more important for your wife to respect you than to be your best friend. To respect you, you first need to have self-respect. A self-respecting person sets and enforces healthy boundaries in a relationship. Do that. Don't let her walk all over you, don't run at her beck and call, don't scramble to please her all the time.

Communicate your wants and needs with her. If she's kind to you, respond with kindness. It's a two way street. You should get what you give.

If she wants to walk, tell her where the door is. Healthy boundaries, clear consequences, carrot or a stick. Read up on it.
 

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Write her a letter & explain your feelings, deep from your own heart.

Give her time to read it, digest it & get back with you.

Then... Write her another letter next week.
 
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