My sister, her husband, my cousin and me have planned a day in wine country which is located between us - about 3.5 hours from where we all live. I live to the south of it, they to the north. The day would end in a meal and some time hanging out together in our hotel room(s). We have done this in the past - either with just the girls or with my sister's husband along. Especially since my ex and I split a year and a half ago, these twice annually (or more) jaunts became important to me and a good way of keeping in touch with people who live 7 hours away from me. I have also made other huge efforts to stay connected to my people by making probably ten trips to my sister's home during this time. They have visited me once.
Anyway. We planned this jaunt a couple months ago. Recently, I have met someone new that I am eager to get to know better. He lives about 6 hours away and wine country also happens to be a close mid point between our homes. I suggested he tag along on the trip - leaf season and all, and he accepted. Today I told my sister about this man and told her I had invited him on the trip. This is the first man I have been with since the ex so this is a first for her (and me ha ha). Well, she is not happy. She said we should just cancel the trip if I want to hang out with him. She is upset that he will change our little dynamic and is basically worried that she won't have fun and her husband will refuse to come at all if I bring this man with me. I explained that I would get a separate room at the hotel etc. She said if he was someone I knew better or someone I was going to marry that would be different, but as it is, she is not wanting to share our trip with someone else.
I feel like she trying to control me. I told her if push came to shove, I would tell him not to come before I would cancel the trip. And that is true, but I would resent it. I can't get my head around how I should feel about this. Is it wrong of me to expect her to accept a "stranger" that I have selected into our little "club"? I know I am asking her to be flexible for me and I am trying to change plans almost at the last minute, but I'm 45 years old and I feel like I should be free to bring whomever I want.
Any thoughts?
Thanks in advance. Really struggling with this.
Susan
Anyway. We planned this jaunt a couple months ago. Recently, I have met someone new that I am eager to get to know better. He lives about 6 hours away and wine country also happens to be a close mid point between our homes. I suggested he tag along on the trip - leaf season and all, and he accepted. Today I told my sister about this man and told her I had invited him on the trip. This is the first man I have been with since the ex so this is a first for her (and me ha ha). Well, she is not happy. She said we should just cancel the trip if I want to hang out with him. She is upset that he will change our little dynamic and is basically worried that she won't have fun and her husband will refuse to come at all if I bring this man with me. I explained that I would get a separate room at the hotel etc. She said if he was someone I knew better or someone I was going to marry that would be different, but as it is, she is not wanting to share our trip with someone else.
I feel like she trying to control me. I told her if push came to shove, I would tell him not to come before I would cancel the trip. And that is true, but I would resent it. I can't get my head around how I should feel about this. Is it wrong of me to expect her to accept a "stranger" that I have selected into our little "club"? I know I am asking her to be flexible for me and I am trying to change plans almost at the last minute, but I'm 45 years old and I feel like I should be free to bring whomever I want.
Any thoughts?
Thanks in advance. Really struggling with this.
Susan