Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
443 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
DH and I have been married for 8 years, one kid and currently pregnant with #2. I've been an emotional mess lately, from being pregnant and lots of work stress (all good work stuff but its stressful). All of it happening at the same time makes me feel super emotional and last night I just couldn't stop crying...

I sometimes just feel so alone. I have friends but the ones I consider 'closer' are not so much like that anymore. Most of my family is not in the area and while I know they'll always be there for me, I can't just easily rely on them for emotional support. DH is great but feels frustrated and not sure what to do when I feel like that...I yelled at him, told him he makes me feel alone, I couldn't stop crying last night and for awhile he did nothing and that made me feel 1000x worse.

I'm not even sure what exactly to write here except that I feel like a wreck, I'm pushing DH away by acting like this but every small thing sets me off recently. I want to be a happy wife, a happy mom and feel happier overall. I DON'T want to go back on antidepressants, I was doing SO great not on them and I really think feeling like this is because I'm pregnant.

Any wise words? Thank you. :confused::(
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
23 Posts
Its the hormones honey ... that and the other things together will run you ragged.

Unfortunatley men are generally pretty helpless when it comes to a crying woman's request to "make them feel better" and in the end its up to you to take care of that anyway ... but the hormones are going to make that difficult.

Be more specific and he will probably be more proactive (and grateful), do you want a back rub, foot massage, run you a bath, take you out, restaurant? movies? a hug?

Good guys tend to feel like such a failure when faced with a crying woman, they just dont know what to do. Apologise for the outburst, work on a list of things to make you feel better and name the things you want him to do.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,494 Posts
I know how you feel. I still feel the same way you described at times, and I am not pregnant and I am on SSRI's!

I don't know if this is the "right" advice, but I can tell you what I do. I try to do damage control when I know I am feeling that way. I have learned that unleashing raw emotion onto others, no matter how altruistic their intentions are, is almost always going to produce bad results.

So, I give myself time to cry, grieve, vent, whatever privately ...and don't talk with anyone about it until I am able to coherently tell them what is bothering me, and in my husbands case, tell him exactly what I want him to do to help. That means that many times, I never discuss my feelings with anyone, if after I have calmed downed and processed I feel that I was just being irrational or I am able to solve my own problems.

It took me a long time and a lot of heartache to get there.

I used to think that my husband should be the one person in the world who can understand me, and can feel tue depth of my soul. I no longer think that is fair. After all, if I cannot make sense of my own emotion, how can he? I used to grieve what I perceived to be a lack of connection between us for that reason. But now I see the bigger picture - he cannot process my raw feelings unless I can tell him in concise sentences what he can do to fix it. I stopped seeing the world only through my own lens, and realized he is his own person who approaches my emotion with his own sets of fears and misconceptions.

No one can be a mind reader and no matter how empathetic a person is, they can never truly understand what you are going through. The only person who can do that is YOU. You have to be responsible for your own happiness and the management of yourself so that you can coexist with your husband and children in the most productive way possible with the least damage inflicted upon them.

When I am overwhelmed with my own thoughts/feelings, I take some space to let it wash over me and give myself time to collect myself. I know this might sound bad, but I tell my husband I am "being ugly " and need some space. Because I do feel ugly in those moments...I am conscious of the fact that I cannot have any sort or productive interaction with anyone when I feel that way. My husband knows to leave me alone and that I will come back to him soon, and either discuss the issue or let it go if it wasn't worth discussion.

Good luck. Hope it gets easier for you.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
443 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thank you both SO much. I had tears welled up in my eyes, for the one time I feel like SOMEONE understands. It's so depressing to think I can't talk to friends about this because a lot of them (I'm slowly finding out) are just selfish. It's always one-sided, I keep hearing their problems and it's never the other way around. Thank God for message boards, I felt the lowest low yesterday and just couldn't stop crying, I was basically inconsolable.

I take your words to heart and feel a slight turn around today. It's amazing what sunshine and time can do. I'm going to try and put some exercise into my week and find a good book about being responsible for my own happiness.

I apologized in a long email to DH. He also replied, in a long email, apologizing as well and admits he needs to communicate better. Can anyone suggest a good book for US to read together?

Thank you Thank you THANK YOU!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
51 Posts
I completely agree with all the advice you have been given. I'm also on SSRIs and not pregnant and I totally get that "stuck in a rut and don't wanna be" feeling. I think you got some great ideas here. For me, something that helps is immersing myself in something that requires no emotional involvement. Exercise, arts, crafts, anything that can give me a sense of purpose and focus that is non-emotional for an hour or two will get me feeling a little bit more balanced.
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top