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HELP! My wife's forgetfulness is driving me nuts!

6K views 61 replies 23 participants last post by  NextTimeAround 
#1 ·
Hello. My wife and i are newlyweds going on 6 months, however we've been in eachother's company 24-7 since March 2013, traveling and working together on the road.

We are very much in love and i'm crazy about her. But since this is my second marriage, i'm trying my best to not let little things put a distance between us by allowing resentment to build, which i know, can kill a relationship.

She's the girl of my dreams in EVERY WAY, except, she's one of the most mindless people i've ever met. She's very smart, and has way more practical wisdom than me, but she's almost never present. This leads her to constantly forget things and lose things.

On almost a weekly basis, she leaves her phone somewhere. I'm writing this because, just an hour ago, she again left her phone behind while we were walking through a casino. Just last week, she left her phone in an airport restroom. Each time, she's been very lucky in that someone turns the lost item in and she recovers it, though not without the stress upon her and myself while we run around looking for the thing.

She tells me to get used to it, since before we met she tells me she had lost 10 phones, and 8 purses in 1 year!

It's not just personal items she forgets. I have to retell stories to her on a regular basis, reminding her of who certain people are, what they did, repeating myself again and again.

I totally understand her, being a scatter-brained artist myself. I used to be like that way back in college when i was working full time and attending college full time. I lost things and forgot things all the time back then.

However, our lives as traveling artists is relatively worry free. We're either driving, doing art, or exploring some wilderness somewhere.

I dont know what to do. I get stressed and usually give her a hard time for it. i've even resorted to telling her she's going to have to deal with the lost stuff herself without my help just so i dont enable the behavior, ( though i always to an extent lend her a hand, i do love her afterall ) but the other stuff, like forgetting stories, people and details just cant be overlooked.

Anyone have any experience with this that has had a positive outcome?
 
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#39 ·
yeah that's just the way her brain works. Make sure she has a CHEAP phone!

There are methods (online, dvd training discs) on how to use tricks to improve your memory...maybe get her a memory training course and see if it helps. The technique is like you meet a new person, he tells you his name, its joe steel, and you envision a steel beam going across his forehead. Imagery stuff like that. for people with bad memories...it seems to help

my wife uses luminosity, and they have tests like you are a waitress, and 5 guys order a complex meal, and you are quizzed on what they ordered a minute later. It forces you to pay attention.
 
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#41 ·
I'd forgive a partner who had an obvious problem with memory, which I have, in reality, and adapt.

I'd accept that my friend was someone who always ran late, which I have, in reality, and adapt accordingly.

Since neither have anything to do with each other, I can't really say how much quicker I'd adapt to either situation, but the end result is the same.
 
#42 ·
I just had to add that I highly doubt anyone would lose their wallet/keys/mobile because they're lazy.

Let's just think about that idea. How much effort does it take to remember where something is if you have the ability to remember where you left it?

Now compare that with how much energy is expended in trying to find the items, especially if they are left somewhere outside the home/car.

So lazy? No. Bit like saying someone is lazy for climbing over the top of a mountain rather than driving through the tunnel under it. Either poor memory or poor planning or lack of skills in organisation. Something they may feel they cannot overcome because they've never been able to before, hence the, 'get used to it' statement.
 
#43 · (Edited)
some basic coping mechanisms can help too. I was forgetting where my keys, wallet were. So I made a hook right next to the entrance door, and as I walk in I ALWAYS put the keys there....no excuses. Same with my wallet...there is one spot in the kitchen on the counter I leave it. Its either at that spot or in my pants pocket....no where else.

If I later find my wallet or keys somewhere else...I stop everything I am doing and return them to "their place".

same with tools, I have established a special place for each type of tool: screwdrivers in one big drawer, pliers in another, socket wrenches in one of 3 drawers. And once again, when I "find" tools in odd places, I make it a point to move them back to "their place"

Must have saved me thousands of lost hours over the years. it also saves me a fortune in $ and time where instead of gong to home depot for stuff I KNOW I own but cant find, now I can often find it.

I am not an organized guy...I used to just try to remember all the odd places stuff was at. Then I wised up one day, bought a lot of toolboxes, shelves, plastic storage trays.
 
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#46 ·
My husband is bad about losing his keys, documents etc. He's also messy. I say messy and disorganized means a scattered mind. My husband is ADHD but refuses to take the medication.

I refuse to deal with it. I used to go crazy looking for his keys with him. I now refuse. I go on to work and let him deal with it. I am not his mother and I refuse to act like one. I have also told him it is a turnoff to me. I want a relationship with an adult, and losing things constantly isn't adult like. If I have no respect for him as an adult, I don't feel desire for him.

Anyways, I would never buy another cell phone etc if he lost it. I have no tolerance for this behavior. I suggest you not tolerate it either.
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#50 ·
Forgetful person chiming in here!

I noticed a change in my memory abilities when I was pregnant with my daughter 17 years ago. I thought it was just a hormonal thing, but evidently not, because I am STILL forgetful to this day! Just yesterday, for the first time in 44 years, I forgot my mother's birthday! Well, birth DATE. It was yesterday, and in my mind, I kept seeing it as the 25th, not the 15th! I will set something by my purse that I need to take with me the next day, before I go to bed, and will inevitably walk out of the house without that item! I am terrible with names, but am great with faces. I do not tend to lose my phone or my purse, but will forget appointments often. I forget to change the laundry from washer to dryer. I forget to pick up prescriptions.

Unfortunately, short term memory issues have become part of who I am. Also, I am always cold, lol! People who know me, know these two things about me! So dont take your wife's forgetfulness as a purposely spiteful act. We all have some issues, and those who love us help us deal with them, not punish us.
 
#55 ·
Nope, I was evaluated for ADHD by the clinical faculty during grad school in the USA; my birth country is not exactly the hotbed of attention deficit disorder diagnoses or medications. There's a few standard forms used, it's pretty straightforward.

My older girl also went thru a similar assessment by her HS counselor then by a licensed PhD therapist. her therapist used the same evaluation form on both of us and we did quite well :)
 
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