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I have been married for 13 years and have two beautiful kid with my Husband. On February I found out my husband was having an affair (big shock) because this is the month of our Anniversary. I was so devastated that I thought my world was ending anyways to make a long story short like a fool I took him back. Why?? because of the same stupid excuse I thought I would never use ...because I love him and because of the children Anyways since we got back together we never really talked about the affair or dealt with it. I tried one time and all he said was it was stupid and he was only texting this girl and he didn't even know her. That part I believe because I saw the phone records and actually talked to the other woman. I truly believe the contact is over and he is not cheating with her anymore. But what bothers me is since he has been back home I feel like we are more distant from each other. Yea the first couple of weeks he came back we went through the honeymoon stage and we were being intimate a lot. Now that has all disappeared and I feel like I am being neglected. I know he is having a hard time because right now he is having financial hardship because his work hours were cut. but now I feel like I just have a roommate and not a Husband. I brought up that we should go to counseling but he refused so I went by myself to deal with the feelings I had about the affair. Did I mess up because I made it too easy for him to come back?? I feel like he is not in love with me anymore. I know he might care about me because I am the mother of his children but now I am starting to doubt that he even loves me because of what he did. Right now I feel so alone and I know I shouldn't feel this way when I am married to someone. I don't want a divorce but it seems like it might be heading that way especially if things don't change :( Any suggestions?? I feel like I am losing my mind here
 

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A difficult situation.

I think the best option is to try and get the spark back. Why don't you suggest a "date night" even if it is dinner, cinema (something that he would like to see) or something that you used to enjoy doing together when you were dating.

Most importantly is to talk about your feelings but with out sounding like you are nagging him. You need to make him feel like a man and feel appreciated. I know it was him who was texting this other person, but to save your marriage something has got to give, by making him happier this will bring you closer.

This is just an idea.
 

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Communicate.

Not sure why everyone ops for MC as the solution....

Pretty simple....

You have not moved on from the affair an neither has he. Elephant in the room.
I would have a heart to heart and don't let him wiggle out of
discussing it.

Let him know you need to know why after 13 years on your anniversary month he was driven to the other woman... tell him you cannot move forward in the marriage until you hear why he did it.

What, when, how, what he found attractive get it all out of him.

Then ask him about the perceived distance... tell him it seems different than before his affair.


Ask him if you are failing him in any fashion....

Get it all spread out in the open so you two can re-build.

Its like a zit...pop it.

See if there is love there still to work on to a better marriage together.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Communicate.

Not sure why everyone ops for MC as the solution....

Pretty simple....

You have not moved on from the affair an neither has he. Elephant in the room.
I would have a heart to heart and don't let him wiggle out of
discussing it.

Let him know you need to know why after 13 years on your anniversary month he was driven to the other woman... tell him you cannot move forward in the marriage until you hear why he did it.

What, when, how, what he found attractive get it all out of him.

Then ask him about the perceived distance... tell him it seems different than before his affair.


Ask him if you are failing him in any fashion....

Get it all spread out in the open so you two can re-build.

Its like a zit...pop it.

See if there is love there still to work on to a better marriage together.

I totally agree with you about the elephant in the room. The only reason I suggested MC is because my husband is not a great communicator most of the time he will just walk away or shut down on me. He has never been good at talking about his feelings and when I try to share mine with him I feel like he thinks I am nagging him.
 

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AH... the nagging word. It is so often used as a conversation ender. I mean...what can you say to that??

OP I'm so sorry that you H has hurt you with his affair but until you can find a way to communicate with him i don't see how you 'fix things'. Would your hubby respond better to written word?

What has your counselor suggested?
 

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AH... the nagging word. It is so often used as a conversation ender. I mean...what can you say to that??

OP I'm so sorry that you H has hurt you with his affair but until you can find a way to communicate with him i don't see how you 'fix things'. Would your hubby respond better to written word?

What has your counselor suggested?
Yea!! Once the N word comes out of his mouth I become furious. I mean come on I am just trying to heal and for me the only way to do is for me to talk about how I feel. I am starting to resent him because I feel like he is being selfish by not talking about the affair and answering the questions I need to know. At first I think I was so hurt and furious about the affair that I didn't want to hear the details and find out why it happened. Now I know it needs to be addressed because like the other OP said it is like having a elephant in the room.
 
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