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Discussion Starter #1
OK, so the title isn't descriptive, but here's the situation.

I went into a local bar about 9 days ago to grab a late dinner and a few beers. One of the bartenders smiled at me and I didn't think much of it since she worked there. Casual and perfectly expected from an employee to a customer. Two days later, I went back for some beer, and she again was not my bartender but stopped to talk to me again, even mentioning that I should come more often. We chatted a good bit later that night.

Now, I am not at all good at reading body language (borderline incapable when it pertains to me) but I definitely got the sense she was interested in me. What's more, I *can* actually quite easily read other people, and watching her interactions with her coworkers I got the definite impression at least they thought she was interested. I was there two more times after that (Monday and Tuesday) and we again talked a good bit. She definitely remembered almost everything that I told her, which I don't think you would do for a random customer.

Last night, I went in with the intent of asking her out. I should say that I did notice that she seemed friendly and even flirty with other customers, but also guarded. In any case, when I was in the process of asking her to do something, she more or less interrupted and asked me if I wanted to do something (tomorrow at this point). I said yes, we exchanged numbers, and I went on my way. Now at this point, I was assuming interest. We talked this morning and figured out what we were doing tomorrow. A few hours ago, I got a text saying that she didn't want to send the wrong message and that she wasn't looking for a boyfriend. While I personally don't really believe two single people can be friends for any length of time if there is any attraction, she said that she does. OK, fair enough.

Here's my question: what is *really* going on? Either she's telling the truth and she accidentally sent a lot of messages or, as I am wondering, had second thoughts for whatever reason. Why isn't important, of course, but what is more logical? It doesn't take long for any sort of doubt to creep in. Don't get me wrong, I will simply ask her tomorrow (subtlety is not my strong point), but I did wonder if this was a common occurrence.
 

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Hard to say, could be lots of things.

She may flirt hoping to get better tips.

She may be at a low point in her relationship and likes the validation of male attention, but she is not ready to leave.

She loves the power of teasing men.

At any rate, you are lucky to be rid of her. No wasted time on a tease who likes drama.
 

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Re: the title

To the typical male of the species... they are irrational, fun, beautiful, sexy, impatient, controlling, devious, loving, smart, hostile maniacs, affectionate, tolerant, nagging, incomprehensible mysteries.

Do you need any more contradictions, or is this enough to convey the point?

Men like ordered things - put in quarters, out pops soda. We understand them. Women are not that way.

We, as species are NOT uniform. We're all individuals, with a huge array of characteristics... women tend to lean towards one grouping of those and men towards another. But every individual is unique, and there's so much complexity and such variety to us, that there is no "understanding women" to be had. You will never "understand" someone till you've gotten to REALLY know them, and I know a lot of happily married couples with more than 50 years of being married that say they still do not understand each other well.

There's often a grain of truth to stereotypes or generalizations, because, as I said, the sexes tend to lean toward certain groupings, but this is no hard and fast rule - there's a vast array of non-compliance with said ideas.

As to what the one in the bar is about? I haven't the faintest idea. I just know by experience I'd take NOTHING for granted until it's communicated reliably and confirmed, between the two of you.
 

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She loves the power of teasing men.
I can honestly say that I have never been attractive enough to a woman that even one, EVER, has been a tease.

Friends, I had tons of them when I was single. I was "safe", "reliable" and "boring as hell". I have learned to accept that. I refuse to "live" like I'm something I'm not.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
I have no interest in anything related to pickup artists or anything of the sort, and as a general rule anything related to a website with the letters "PUA" is to be avoided. In any case, I am inclined to go with my instincts.

Following our exchange yesterday - the "not looking for a boyfriend" exchange - we decided to go out anyway. Having just returned, I can tell you that I will quite personally be damned if she isn't into me. It was quite possibly the most enjoyable time I have ever had with a female, my ex of nearly twelve years included. I ended up telling her that I would really have liked to kiss her, but ended up just saying goodnight instead. I told her she made me feel a lot of things I haven't felt in a while, and the most appropriate word (which I couldn't find at the time) would be "alive." Whatever the case may be, I am still *thoroughly* confused by women.
 

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I have no interest in anything related to pickup artists or anything of the sort, and as a general rule anything related to a website with the letters "PUA" is to be avoided. In any case, I am inclined to go with my instincts.

Following our exchange yesterday - the "not looking for a boyfriend" exchange - we decided to go out anyway. Having just returned, I can tell you that I will quite personally be damned if she isn't into me. It was quite possibly the most enjoyable time I have ever had with a female, my ex of nearly twelve years included. I ended up telling her that I would really have liked to kiss her, but ended up just saying goodnight instead. I told her she made me feel a lot of things I haven't felt in a while, and the most appropriate word (which I couldn't find at the time) would be "alive." Whatever the case may be, I am still *thoroughly* confused by women.
You're acting a little " clingy " and insecure.
That's why she sent you that text first before .
Next time if the chemistry is there, just go for the kiss, don't ask. Create the space, and make your move.
There may be a lot of issues going on with her .
You are also giving off signals to her,and she is reading you.
Just act normal.
Don't act desperate for her friendship.
 

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That line cracks me up and yes I've said it back when I was young and stupid. I said it to my now husband early on. My words were I'm not looking for anything "serious". Translation: my life is too complicated and busy for a boyfriend right now.

Yeah like that worked. 3 dates later and I was hooked. LOL
 

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As soon as you think you got them figured out they do something illogical or doesn't make sense to us guys just be yourself
If something happens it happens if not move on their are billions of other woman out there and besides
Woman outnumber men so the odds are for ya :)
Posted via Mobile Device
 

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You're acting a little " clingy " and insecure.
That's why she sent you that text first before .
Next time if the chemistry is there, just go for the kiss, don't ask. Create the space, and make your move.
There may be a lot of issues going on with her .
You are also giving off signals to her,and she is reading you.
Just act normal.
Don't act desperate for her friendship.
Agreed FS8. Don't over think this and screw it up. Part of her attraction to you may be that you seemed aloof and non nonchalant at first. You admit you cannot read body language so I'm guessing you were sending mixed signals to her partly due to your lack of reading signals.

Hmm. I don't know 8. The dating ritual is pretty complicated and I'm no master but.... I know some things that may help. Be confident (yea should have got that kiss already. Get it next time), be assertive BUT NOT PUSHY ( I mean don't act scared) , be nice but not clingy (I mean don't show your hand too quick. Let her think you like her a lot but don't get all mushy),

..... AND DON'T LISTEN TO ANY WOMEN ON HERE OR ANYWHERE ELSE TELLING YOU HOW TO PICK UP A WOMEN. THEY DON'T KNOW :smthumbup:
 

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Oldgeezer said: To the typical male of the species... they are irrational, fun, beautiful, sexy, impatient, controlling, devious, loving, smart, hostile maniacs, affectionate, tolerant, nagging, incomprehensible mysteries.

Do you need any more contradictions, or is this enough to convey the point?
As a woman, I so agree with this... God help you men!!

Got a gf (the emotional baggage she carries is staggering- due to how her Ex treated her)....she's a beauty who gets the attention too easy but is incapable of trusting.....she's outright told me she says one thing - but means another to the guys she meets.
 

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I have no interest in anything related to pickup artists or anything of the sort, and as a general rule anything related to a website with the letters "PUA" is to be avoided. In any case, I am inclined to go with my instincts.

Following our exchange yesterday - the "not looking for a boyfriend" exchange - we decided to go out anyway. Having just returned, I can tell you that I will quite personally be damned if she isn't into me. It was quite possibly the most enjoyable time I have ever had with a female, my ex of nearly twelve years included. I ended up telling her that I would really have liked to kiss her, but ended up just saying goodnight instead. I told her she made me feel a lot of things I haven't felt in a while, and the most appropriate word (which I couldn't find at the time) would be "alive." Whatever the case may be, I am still *thoroughly* confused by women.

That’s because they set out to confuse. Works, doesn’t it.


Some say that women make the first move in any relationship and that men respond. So women are the initiators, as is the case here. Discount those guys who play the numbers game, just keep asking different women till one says yes.


But why should she set out to confuse you? It’s not complicated, she just doesn’t want to be seen to be too easy. She sent you loads of signals over a few days, you didn’t respond so she asked you if you want to go out. So far, she’s done all the running, hasn’t she.


And what did you go and do? I guess you somewhat let her down as you did after she’d sent you her signals. Is it really going to be the case that she has to be the one to actually physically initiate the first kiss?
 

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Attraction , dating, love , marriage and sex wouldn't be fun if women simply said and acted in a manner that was completely logical.
Because women are half mystery , half crazy and half logical , men become attracted to them on a deeper level than just physical.
The " 3 halves " make them completely awesome........
 

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Sounds like a rather silly thing to say to someone before a first date; a little presumptuous of her, even... I'd go on the date, but play it 'cool.' She might have thought you were a little too interested (you obviously observed her quite a bit) and wanted to put the brakes on, but in that case I don't know why she would have helped initiate a date with you in the first place. Take it slowly, OP.
 

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She digs you.

She displayed numerous and blatant IOI's (Indicators of Interest). And for the record, that's PickUp Artist lingo.

She wasn't sure where you stood ... so she asked you out.

Felt uncertain about her forwardness in suggesting a date. She didn't want to seem terribly invested in you ... so she threw out the bit of not wanting a boyfriend; also giving you the opportunity to reject her, without any further emotional investment on her part.

Kissing can be a funny thing. I have purposely waited beyond the first date sometimes, to initialize a kiss. On other's I've pulled her into my arms and planted one on her within the first hour. Occasionally, I have stated, "I'm going to kiss you now." or ... "May I kiss you?" Usually get a laugh, or a "How sweet ..." All depends on the woman. In your case? My suggestion on your next date, is that the moment you see her, wrap your left arm around her waist, place your right hand behind her neck, pull her gently into you and kiss her. Then say "Hi."

As AFEH noted and hopefully of which you shall become more aware ... they send signals. The bulk of these signals are telepathic. Of course ... we are not telepathic, but they don't know that ... or care for that matter.

So.

Understand women? That's easy ...

All women are basically crazy. It's just a matter of degree.
 
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