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H & I have been married for many years and there are children involved. For our entire marriage i haven't communicated with him the way he's wanted me to. It's been that way the entire time we've been together. I'm just now figuring that out, only now it's probably too late. He's told me he no longer loves me. He doesn't care about anything anymore. There was a time in the past tbat we had the same issue. We never worked through it. Then and now he's not interested in going to counseling. It's up to me to try to save the marriage, if I think it's worth it. He hasn't moved out yet only because he has no where to go. What do I do? Is it too late since he's got one foot out the door already?
 

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YOU go to counseling. Even marriage counseling. You can go without him, if you think it will help the marriage. It may or may not, but it can't hurt...and it would show him that you are making a real effort.
 

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You should start spending more time with your kids now. Don't keep pushing him for attention. You can start working out at home. You should change your hair and clothes. You can't control another person. One person can not make a marriage work. It sounds like he may have another woman. At this point you need to take care of you.
 

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Discussion Starter #7 (Edited)
Sex is definetely not the problem. I was the one that usually initiated in that area and i'm the one that always wanted more. I wish it were that easy.

As far as the haircut/ clothes. I plan on getting a haircut next payday (as long as nothing else comes up). And i think he's felt like he's been trying to make the marriage work on his own all this time and he's finally just gotten tired of it.

As far as him having an affair, it's possible but unlikely. I point blank asked him and believe it or not i still trust him.

I sound like the traditional male in the marriage, but i promise i'm not. We've always has kind of a role reversal in the emotional area. He wants more talking and i'm happy with just being emotionally connected through sex. Weird huh? Maybe we are better off with other people. It would just break my heart to have to put the kids through that.
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Sex is definetely not the problem. I was the one that usually initiated in that area and i'm the one that always wanted more. I wish it were that easy.

As far as the haircut/ clothes. I plan on getting a haircut next payday (as long as nothing else comes up). And i think he's felt like he's been trying to make the marriage work on his own all this time and he's finally just gotten tired of it.

As far as him having an affair, it's possible but unlikely. I point blank asked him and believe it or not i still trust him.

I sound like the traditional male in the marriage, but i promise i'm not. We've always has kind of a role reversal in the emotional area. He wants more talking and i'm happy with just being emotionally connected through sex. Weird huh? Maybe we are better off with other people. It would just break my heart to have to put the kids through that.
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Very weird.
What sucks is when you are on the I need more "talking" end (like me/you) it's so nebulous at least sex you can tie to an action. My wife said she needs "chit-chat" well I chit-chat better if I feel happier and have sex with her... its so frustrating. Chicken and the egg.

Why cant spouses understand that? Frustrating.

Have you simply asked him specifically what is missing and if he can please tell you so that you can try your best to fulfill his needs and make him happier. That you love him and want to try to save the marriage?

My wife is perfectly fine its me fielding most of the burden.. I don't think she can put a finger on it. Chit-chat doesn't tell me much. Is there a dummies book for that?

Its not like I'm silent and I don't hardy ever mention our sex issue to her.
I'd give it one more shot if I were you.. make him be specific. If you cannot provide what he needs now or in the future..there is your answer.. you cut him loose. You'll both be happier.
My wife seems to think we can get to what I need eventually. Hope so. my wife knows I'm perfectly fine with us calling it quits if she cannot get us to THERE. Her decision... so far she's working on it...I give her time to do so.
 
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