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Help me please :(

1573 Views 16 Replies 13 Participants Last post by  Chelle D, 
C
I have posted here before about my marriage with my husband, and things have been going well... Well that was until about 4 hours ago.

Anyway my husband went away Saturday to stay at a mates house in Melbourne (3 hours away). Anyway he went to Melbourne spent lots of $$$ we don't have, went to the casino with his mates and so fourth. Anyway I was pissed that he spent so much money on himself when chrissy is coming up. And he only rang us (kids n I once or twice I rang the other times) anyway he comes home today, tired so when he walked in the door I made him his fav coffee then made him breaks. Later today he wanted to have sex I said I couldn't as its that time of month he then goes on to say you should have told me I wouldn't have come home.... (Jokingly I think) anyway I laid down in bed later and he was next to me he then goes on to ask me if I slept with anyone while he was away I was shocked and said NO! He then goes on to say I am acting guilty.... He then goes on about "my boyfriend" and says he doesn't want to go to his parents house anymore so I take the kids. I was really upset n broke down when I got to I laws n told them what was said n my mil came round to talk to my husband anyway he said everything was fine n was only joking.

I came home n he told me not to talk to him cos he doesn't want to hurt me and that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore n called me a drama queen. And pretty much called me more names while I was trying to explain that he hurt me cos he would think that. He then got up and went to bed.

I am now sitting here in tears wondering what I should do.... I have never cheated on him and won't, I spent the weekend with our children and our friends....

I feel so hurt why is he doing this to me, I have been trying to work on this marriage and I thought it was working! But obviously not :(

Tonight I honesty just wanted to die.... Help please :(

Guys help me understand what's going on.....
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D
Honestly, the first thing that came to my mind is that he feels guilty because he did something and is trying to make you feel guilty instead... Because if you cheated, then it wouldn't be so bad if he did too; you would be 'even'...
I think you need to talk to him. Make a time when there are no kids around or any other distractions and only ask him one question: ' Why do you think I cheated? '. Be calm, and ask him to be the same so that you can get to the reason to his accusations.
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827Aug
Sounds as though something more went on during his weekend trip. If you are close to his family and/or friends, perhaps you can talk to them to gain more insight.
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T
I don't know what her did, but you are being really too hard on yourself. Your better half is being a jerk, I think its just part of being male that that happens.
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T
Sounds like classic projection to me. However, he could just be fishing to get a reaction. Anyway, he's not being very nice to you which is wrong. Maybe some marriage (couple's) councelling is in order?
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W
Not very mature behaviour on his part, but here is where more heart to heart talking without tears and emotion would help to work it out. Perhaps he's hiding something. Perhaps he's not. But he must be able to talk openly and freely with you, or there isn't going to be that trust that puts you at ease.
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daisygirl 41
He's projecting. Sounds like he did something he shouldn't have while be was away.
Sorry
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C
Sounds like the projecting too... Although, not sure if it could be cover up for his own affair... or if he wants to shift blame from him being financially irresponsible with the money while at casinos.
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Toffer
As a guy, I would be upset if my wife went to MY mother with a marital issue and then my mom showed up to talk to me

Why I do think this tsctic may be necessary at times, I don't think this situation warranted it. I like to think that I'm past the age of someone "telling on me"

Other than that, he is being a bit of a jerk
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S
ConfusedWifey86 said:
I have posted here before about my marriage with my husband, and things have been going well... Well that was until about 4 hours ago.

Anyway my husband went away Saturday to stay at a mates house in Melbourne (3 hours away). Anyway he went to Melbourne spent lots of $$$ we don't have, went to the casino with his mates and so fourth. Anyway I was pissed that he spent so much money on himself when chrissy is coming up. And he only rang us (kids n I once or twice I rang the other times) anyway he comes home today, tired so when he walked in the door I made him his fav coffee then made him breaks. Later today he wanted to have sex I said I couldn't as its that time of month he then goes on to say you should have told me I wouldn't have come home.... (Jokingly I think) anyway I laid down in bed later and he was next to me he then goes on to ask me if I slept with anyone while he was away I was shocked and said NO! He then goes on to say I am acting guilty.... He then goes on about "my boyfriend" and says he doesn't want to go to his parents house anymore so I take the kids. I was really upset n broke down when I got to I laws n told them what was said n my mil came round to talk to my husband anyway he said everything was fine n was only joking.

I came home n he told me not to talk to him cos he doesn't want to hurt me and that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore n called me a drama queen. And pretty much called me more names while I was trying to explain that he hurt me cos he would think that. He then got up and went to bed.

I am now sitting here in tears wondering what I should do.... I have never cheated on him and won't, I spent the weekend with our children and our friends....

I feel so hurt why is he doing this to me, I have been trying to work on this marriage and I thought it was working! But obviously not :(

Tonight I honesty just wanted to die.... Help please :(

Guys help me understand what's going on.....
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death should be the next idea or solution that should come to your mind
for every problem there must be a solution
visit this site and tell him all your problems.i assure you gonna laugh last
SENT TO DELIVER ALL or [email protected]
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talk to [email protected]


ConfusedWifey86 said:
I have posted here before about my marriage with my husband, and things have been going well... Well that was until about 4 hours ago.

Anyway my husband went away Saturday to stay at a mates house in Melbourne (3 hours away). Anyway he went to Melbourne spent lots of $$$ we don't have, went to the casino with his mates and so fourth. Anyway I was pissed that he spent so much money on himself when chrissy is coming up. And he only rang us (kids n I once or twice I rang the other times) anyway he comes home today, tired so when he walked in the door I made him his fav coffee then made him breaks. Later today he wanted to have sex I said I couldn't as its that time of month he then goes on to say you should have told me I wouldn't have come home.... (Jokingly I think) anyway I laid down in bed later and he was next to me he then goes on to ask me if I slept with anyone while he was away I was shocked and said NO! He then goes on to say I am acting guilty.... He then goes on about "my boyfriend" and says he doesn't want to go to his parents house anymore so I take the kids. I was really upset n broke down when I got to I laws n told them what was said n my mil came round to talk to my husband anyway he said everything was fine n was only joking.

I came home n he told me not to talk to him cos he doesn't want to hurt me and that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore n called me a drama queen. And pretty much called me more names while I was trying to explain that he hurt me cos he would think that. He then got up and went to bed.

I am now sitting here in tears wondering what I should do.... I have never cheated on him and won't, I spent the weekend with our children and our friends....

I feel so hurt why is he doing this to me, I have been trying to work on this marriage and I thought it was working! But obviously not :(

Tonight I honesty just wanted to die.... Help please :(

Guys help me understand what's going on.....
Click to expand...
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T
That is some sh!tty, manipulative, immature behavior on his part! It does sound like he's projecting, but you are going to have to talk to him to get to the bottom of it. If you haven't given him any reason to suspect that you've been cheating, ask him why he would suddenly do so.

Also, see what you can learn about his weekend with his friends. At this point, it sounds like something more than gambling went on.
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C
He's projecting some sort of guilt on to you, and he needs to grow up and stop being so immature.

What is he doing going away for a weekend with his friends, spending a bucket load of money at a casino, when he should be at home with his wife and children?
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C
When I ask him why he said it he just says that he was joking.
He is really annoyed because I spoke to his parents but I had to talk to someone esp cos we were ment to go around for dinner and when I showed up alone and my mother inlaw asked wat was going on. I said that I was sorry for talking to them but I felt really sad that he even said it.
The friend that he went to see is also his boss, jess stayed an extra night cos he was wworking the next day.
But what I don't get is he was telling me about the work break up party and he told me it's only for employees not for their wife's. Anyway today while checking our email I found the email from his boss about the work party and it says families r welcome. So yeah.. he obviously doesn't want me there we haven't spoken since last night. He got up early for work and I haven't heard from him.
And honestly I don't think I will... I said to him last night did he want to break up and he said no he just isn't going to talk to me.... I dont know wat to do....
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W
Would have to agree with Theloner. It's not good enough. He needs to get over any guilt and have the courage to address any insecurities he has or there will be no solution here. Open communication is required or there is no progress.
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Mr Blunt
"So as a man thinketh so is he"
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C
He definitely sounds like he's going thru a selfish phase.
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