i really need to talk, vent, sort out what is going on in my life. i have been married for 11years just celebrated it in vegas! wonder why he even took me when he has someone on the side he could have taken. he has had numerous email accounts, mobile email accounts that he is hiding from me. i knew at one time that he had them but i believed him when he said that he did not even use them, although i was not allowed to check them. he has been contacting local singles sites, craigslist locals, etc. i found an email to one of them that made a reference to the afternoon before when i asked him about it he denied it saying that my sister had set him up, then it was blamed on my 2 grown sons, then when i found another email that gave his mobile phone number and times to call which were the times he is out of the house suppose to be working he finally said yes he had been looking only. then i found numerous numbers dialed on his mobile phone bill that were not mine. he laughed in my face and said that he had called them but just got recordings telling him how much an hour it would be for sex. i called them myself of course i got a few voice mails, but i got a few that answered so i asked who i was talking to for which they would not tell me, so i told them who they were talking to i was the wife of ....... and i would like for them to please stop any further contact with him that he was a married man. he thought that was really funny when they told me numerous things from they were innocent victims of ads placed from angry friends to women telling me that i was not satisfying him. he really got a laugh out of hearing that and watching me fall to pieces telling me that i needed to cry some more. he blames me for his affairs, he is impetent it is my fault. i have custody of my granddaughter who just turned 10 years old wednesday. her mother is in prison for drugs. she is getting home in mid december of this year she is coming here. he hates my daughter, he hates my mother who moved in with us when my granddaughter moved in. he hates my entire family. he has nothing to do with his own family including his 3 children from a previous marriage. it is my fault that he can not have sex with me he blames me for it all. i have lived with out sex for the most of our marriage occassionly he could complete it but rarely. he has seen a doctor but the miscellious meds that were prescribed either did not work or were to expensive for him to keep up with on top of that he has high blood pressure which does not help with his issue. again it is my fault he says i have chosen my family over our marriage. he told my mother that she was welcome here as long as she wanted to be here now he tells me that she is not. he talks terribly about my granddaughter saying that he is not her grandfather that he is not responsible for her and her well being. she loves him with all of her heart, when she is in front of him he acts like he does love her i guess that is good but i hate to see the lies. he says he is tired of supporting me i work and do remind him of this but he says that my money supports my family. he says that i spend my income on my daughter sending her food boxes, and money i have never sent her anything that he does not know about he will no believe me though. he says i give my sons money all of the time for which i do not. one of them is fortunate enough to have begun a successful business and does not need my money. the other works for him and does struggle with his fiances but does not ask me for help. i just really need to hear from someone else who has gone through this or something similar i know that i am not all to blame but i do feel like the piece of crap that he wants me to feel like. i feel the worse because i still love him and dont want to be divorced from him. i also do not want to live with someone who sleeps with anyone he chooses. can he sleep with someone else if he cant sleep with me? he said that he does not even think of me anymore. he said that the last time that we were intimate that it made him sick, that i stunk, and it was all he could do to finish pleasing me. do i need to tell you how that made me feel? i know he was lying about me stinking i am a extremely clean person so why would he need to hurt me so badly by saying that? does he hate me i dont know what to say. is there any hope for our marriage?