Hello All,
I have a dilema, and I wanted some third part advice. I'm going to try to give as much unbiased info as possible, so you can look at the situation without taking sides.
I have been with my wife for 14 years. We are early thirties. First and only lovers. Neither of us have ever cheated. We are private people that like to spend time together and with our kids at home.
Recently my wife has been spending time at work that seems a bit excessive. She teaches and has always done more afterschool work than most. I have grown used to that. lately though she had been talking to her "friend" who is on the maintanence staff for long periods of time and not coming home as early as usual. Her day ends at 3pm and she used to be home typically at 4:30-5:30. Lately its been as late as 8.
I did not suspect anything until one night she fell asleep on the couch with my son. I generally charge her phone because she forgets alot. I picked up the phone and saw on her facebook account that she had been facebooking with her friend at work. Again, I didn't really think much till I saw the one post..."You have no idea how much you mean to me" Obviously I was beyond concerned at this point. I read on. Seems they have been chatting about a move called Fireproof. Her friend apparently told her that it reminds him alot of my wife and I.
--For those who havent seen it, Fireproof is a move that deals with a man and woman who grew apart and find each other after the husband learns that his addiction to self pleasure such as a boat and pornography are ill fitting for a successful marriage. The wife is primed and ready to just on her "friend" from work. The couple eventually realize how much they mean to each other and are stronger for it.--
So this movie was watched by my wife alone, since she told her friend that I am not into moves like this. I have watched tons of movies like this with her and anjoy them though. In any event, I confronted her in the morning before work about the situation. She said I am crazy and they are just friends. The one facebook message that bothered me more than the others was not ment that way she said. She told me that she was commenting on his honesty on a topic she feels I was not ever honest about with her.
--The topic is pornography. I used to make money off selling pornography to my friends before I met my wife. VHS tapes for a quick $10 bucks kinda thing. I never really considered the impact it had on me or society at the time. I do however understand. Especially since I am a father and husband. A year ago, we had some nasty stuff show up on our computer. She blamed me, and I tiold her I was innocent. We fought for a long time, then we went to counceling. SHe suspected that I was guilty due to my past and reaction to the situation. I was not very comforting to her when she accused me. We worked through and have been very happy--
So her friend said he looks at pornography on occassion, and she explained why he shouldn't. He said he's free and clear or looking at stuff like that and she's very proud she helped him.
Back to the issues at hand. I watched the movie and was pretty angry because it seems like he was saying that my wife, him, and I were the three actors. I take issue with the comparison and that he would play the part of a man trying to steal a married woman away as the actor does. I texted and told her that I was angry and watched the movie. As I was talking to her, she was talking to her friend via text. She was letting him know what I was saying and that I was coming to confront him. I didn't know she was speaking with him until I did some digging though. I found that she deleted all the facebook and phone messages. I found a place on her phone that she forgot to clear. It help partial pieces of deleted info. I have never been one to root through her personal messages but this was a unique situation.
We argued quite a bit about the situation and she said its just a friendship. She said the comment that bothered me actually bothered her friend as well. She said her friend felt the comment was wierd, but knows that women are more emotional and say things like that but don't mean what men think it does. I ended up talking to this guy on the phone and we hashed out the situation. I told my wife I'm fine with the friendship, but please don't delete messages or use over affectionate terms with other men on facebook. It makes me suspicious. She agreed and said she wouldnt. Or at least I thought so.
I came home from work one night and I sat down to do use the computer for work. I noticed a chat session between her and her friend was there. It didn't seem to be anything to concern myself with, but I noticed a gap in the messages. Almost as if there was something said and then deleted from the thread. I went to change and came back down to see that she had deleted the conversation completely. Again...I'm angry. Whats so secret? Why delete them even after a promise was made not to? We argue some more. I get to the bottom of it from him and her that they were discussing christmas music and dancing with the kids. She said she deleted a message where she said that she doesnt dance arond the christmas tree becuase I may think she is weird. She thought that comment would upset me and decided to delete it for my own happiness. I never really believed her this time, and we have been bickering ever since.
It doesn't end yet though. She is coming home late as I said, so I have been getting very angry. She is afraid that I am going to show up at work and destroy her career. I have an very bad temper when I think somebody is trying to destroy my family. One night she came home and thought I was going to confront her friend. I told her I was just going out to buy some stuff. It was stuff for out 14th year engagement actually, so I didn't tell her everywhere where I was going. The next day, I was looking at our phone bill and noticed a call to her friend when I was at the store the night before. The call was a 10 minute conversation. I asked to see her phone and found that she deleted the call...and lied again. She said it was a call to tell him I wasn't comeing to work to confront him and she deleted it again so I didn't get mad.
I called and texted her friend to no avail. He can't supply me with the messages she deleted to help clear this mess. His wife suspects him of having an affair with an ex girlfriend and hacked his facebook account to delete info.
Its all very frustrating to me and I am at a loss. Since then we argue alot. She tells me hes just a friend and that they are like brother and sister. They talk about how fun kids are and that we all need to get together and do someting fun. I work nights and stay home with our kids all day. I tell her that she is spending time with her friend that is better spent at home with her kids. She said she needs to stay and do work and shes not just talking to him.
No more messages have been deleted that I know of. She had an hour long facebook chat with him a few nights ago where he suggested she listen to somebody play the piano version of Nelly's Dream song. I listened to the lyrics and its a love song that I don't think is approiate for him to suggest him to listen to.
Last night they texted from 12:34-3:48 while I was asleep. I saw the texts and it was just pointless work banter, but there were 113 texts in the thread.
This is a loooooong post I know. Please contact me if you have any advice or insite. All I want to do at this point is destroy this guy. If he didn't keep dodging me I already would have. Am I over reacting? is this friendship a bit excessive? Do you think I am right to suspect infidelity??
Thanks...
I have a dilema, and I wanted some third part advice. I'm going to try to give as much unbiased info as possible, so you can look at the situation without taking sides.
I have been with my wife for 14 years. We are early thirties. First and only lovers. Neither of us have ever cheated. We are private people that like to spend time together and with our kids at home.
Recently my wife has been spending time at work that seems a bit excessive. She teaches and has always done more afterschool work than most. I have grown used to that. lately though she had been talking to her "friend" who is on the maintanence staff for long periods of time and not coming home as early as usual. Her day ends at 3pm and she used to be home typically at 4:30-5:30. Lately its been as late as 8.
I did not suspect anything until one night she fell asleep on the couch with my son. I generally charge her phone because she forgets alot. I picked up the phone and saw on her facebook account that she had been facebooking with her friend at work. Again, I didn't really think much till I saw the one post..."You have no idea how much you mean to me" Obviously I was beyond concerned at this point. I read on. Seems they have been chatting about a move called Fireproof. Her friend apparently told her that it reminds him alot of my wife and I.
--For those who havent seen it, Fireproof is a move that deals with a man and woman who grew apart and find each other after the husband learns that his addiction to self pleasure such as a boat and pornography are ill fitting for a successful marriage. The wife is primed and ready to just on her "friend" from work. The couple eventually realize how much they mean to each other and are stronger for it.--
So this movie was watched by my wife alone, since she told her friend that I am not into moves like this. I have watched tons of movies like this with her and anjoy them though. In any event, I confronted her in the morning before work about the situation. She said I am crazy and they are just friends. The one facebook message that bothered me more than the others was not ment that way she said. She told me that she was commenting on his honesty on a topic she feels I was not ever honest about with her.
--The topic is pornography. I used to make money off selling pornography to my friends before I met my wife. VHS tapes for a quick $10 bucks kinda thing. I never really considered the impact it had on me or society at the time. I do however understand. Especially since I am a father and husband. A year ago, we had some nasty stuff show up on our computer. She blamed me, and I tiold her I was innocent. We fought for a long time, then we went to counceling. SHe suspected that I was guilty due to my past and reaction to the situation. I was not very comforting to her when she accused me. We worked through and have been very happy--
So her friend said he looks at pornography on occassion, and she explained why he shouldn't. He said he's free and clear or looking at stuff like that and she's very proud she helped him.
Back to the issues at hand. I watched the movie and was pretty angry because it seems like he was saying that my wife, him, and I were the three actors. I take issue with the comparison and that he would play the part of a man trying to steal a married woman away as the actor does. I texted and told her that I was angry and watched the movie. As I was talking to her, she was talking to her friend via text. She was letting him know what I was saying and that I was coming to confront him. I didn't know she was speaking with him until I did some digging though. I found that she deleted all the facebook and phone messages. I found a place on her phone that she forgot to clear. It help partial pieces of deleted info. I have never been one to root through her personal messages but this was a unique situation.
We argued quite a bit about the situation and she said its just a friendship. She said the comment that bothered me actually bothered her friend as well. She said her friend felt the comment was wierd, but knows that women are more emotional and say things like that but don't mean what men think it does. I ended up talking to this guy on the phone and we hashed out the situation. I told my wife I'm fine with the friendship, but please don't delete messages or use over affectionate terms with other men on facebook. It makes me suspicious. She agreed and said she wouldnt. Or at least I thought so.
I came home from work one night and I sat down to do use the computer for work. I noticed a chat session between her and her friend was there. It didn't seem to be anything to concern myself with, but I noticed a gap in the messages. Almost as if there was something said and then deleted from the thread. I went to change and came back down to see that she had deleted the conversation completely. Again...I'm angry. Whats so secret? Why delete them even after a promise was made not to? We argue some more. I get to the bottom of it from him and her that they were discussing christmas music and dancing with the kids. She said she deleted a message where she said that she doesnt dance arond the christmas tree becuase I may think she is weird. She thought that comment would upset me and decided to delete it for my own happiness. I never really believed her this time, and we have been bickering ever since.
It doesn't end yet though. She is coming home late as I said, so I have been getting very angry. She is afraid that I am going to show up at work and destroy her career. I have an very bad temper when I think somebody is trying to destroy my family. One night she came home and thought I was going to confront her friend. I told her I was just going out to buy some stuff. It was stuff for out 14th year engagement actually, so I didn't tell her everywhere where I was going. The next day, I was looking at our phone bill and noticed a call to her friend when I was at the store the night before. The call was a 10 minute conversation. I asked to see her phone and found that she deleted the call...and lied again. She said it was a call to tell him I wasn't comeing to work to confront him and she deleted it again so I didn't get mad.
I called and texted her friend to no avail. He can't supply me with the messages she deleted to help clear this mess. His wife suspects him of having an affair with an ex girlfriend and hacked his facebook account to delete info.
Its all very frustrating to me and I am at a loss. Since then we argue alot. She tells me hes just a friend and that they are like brother and sister. They talk about how fun kids are and that we all need to get together and do someting fun. I work nights and stay home with our kids all day. I tell her that she is spending time with her friend that is better spent at home with her kids. She said she needs to stay and do work and shes not just talking to him.
No more messages have been deleted that I know of. She had an hour long facebook chat with him a few nights ago where he suggested she listen to somebody play the piano version of Nelly's Dream song. I listened to the lyrics and its a love song that I don't think is approiate for him to suggest him to listen to.
Last night they texted from 12:34-3:48 while I was asleep. I saw the texts and it was just pointless work banter, but there were 113 texts in the thread.
This is a loooooong post I know. Please contact me if you have any advice or insite. All I want to do at this point is destroy this guy. If he didn't keep dodging me I already would have. Am I over reacting? is this friendship a bit excessive? Do you think I am right to suspect infidelity??
Thanks...
