[lost soul]

I know there is 2 sides to every story and I'm sure I don't completely understand what she is feeling and yes I maybe a lil flirtatious so that probably means that yes I do flirt

I've always had very little contact with females being my work is all male and my friends are all guy's. I haven't had a female friend since I met my wife 27 yrs ago. Yes she has always been jealous but since female contact has always been minimal it hasn't been that big of a issue.

Now, , , In this past year we've gotten really involved with our child's sport and began the issue. I enjoy organizing our team events and seem to be pretty good at it. I like the praise I get for paying attention to little details which drives me to constantly take it to the next level. So here is the problem TEAM MOMS ! ! ! I hadn't had a female friend in 27 yrs and before I met my wife most of my friends where females. So my wife is extremely upset that I've befriend these woman. She say's I flirt with them and they all flirt back with me.

My main thing is that I organize the team and make sure everything gets done. Only a few other fathers get involved so most of the time a deal with the moms and I'm sorry but yes I enjoy talking with them but I do not see it as flirting at least not like to talk sexual with them. I talk to them just like I would talk to a guy but that seems to drive my wife crazy. And now it's to a point here I can not even say hello to one of them because my wife goes bazerk ! ! ! It is so bad that she wants to separate because she say's I pay more attention to the team and them.

And here's my thing, , , I don't think it's fair that she get's to get all upset at me for making friends with these females when she works with men and has male friends at work that she talks with has lunch with and at times goes out with co-workers for drinks. and I don't say nothing about that ! ! !

Any ways sorry for the poor grammar just would like some in put. I'm I in the wrong for befriending females ? I understand that she is upset that I talk better with them then I do with her at times but lately all our conversations turn into arguments with in 10 min which is making this worse because now I don't even want to talk to her because of that. It's a snow ball effect that is getting real bad real fast.

I hope all this makes sense :scratchhead:

 

[I'mInLoveWithMyHubby]

My husband and I agreed not to have any casual friendships with the opposite sex our first year of marriage. My husband and I are completely fine with this.

My hubby is the one who is involved with the sports as well. He's often coached on our daughter's teams. Our children really appreciate this. However, he does not befriend these women. It would be crossing the boundary if he did. That is also extremely disrespectful towards me too, if it were to happen.

I personally would have a very big issue with this. I have a little jealousy in me that was scarred from my first marriage and I ended up marrying a serial cheater.:/. Since my husband has not befriended any women, I have fully trusted him.

My husbands best friends wife had an affair with the kids soccer coach, you can bet these things happen all the time.

Don't befriend these women. Think of this as a business venture. Do your job and that's it. Your playing with fire by befriending them.

 

[DiZ]

I know there is 2 sides to every story and I'm sure I don't completely understand what she is feeling and yes I maybe a lil flirtatious so that probably means that yes I do flirt

I've always had very little contact with females being my work is all male and my friends are all guy's. I haven't had a female friend since I met my wife 27 yrs ago. Yes she has always been jealous but since female contact has always been minimal it hasn't been that big of a issue.

Now, , , In this past year we've gotten really involved with our child's sport and began the issue. I enjoy organizing our team events and seem to be pretty good at it. I like the praise I get for paying attention to little details which drives me to constantly take it to the next level. So here is the problem TEAM MOMS ! ! ! I hadn't had a female friend in 27 yrs and before I met my wife most of my friends where females. So my wife is extremely upset that I've befriend these woman. She say's I flirt with them and they all flirt back with me.

My main thing is that I organize the team and make sure everything gets done. Only a few other fathers get involved so most of the time a deal with the moms and I'm sorry but yes I enjoy talking with them but I do not see it as flirting at least not like to talk sexual with them. I talk to them just like I would talk to a guy but that seems to drive my wife crazy. And now it's to a point here I can not even say hello to one of them because my wife goes bazerk ! ! ! It is so bad that she wants to separate because she say's I pay more attention to the team and them.

And here's my thing, , , I don't think it's fair that she get's to get all upset at me for making friends with these females when she works with men and has male friends at work that she talks with has lunch with and at times goes out with co-workers for drinks. and I don't say nothing about that ! ! !

Any ways sorry for the poor grammar just would like some in put. I'm I in the wrong for befriending females ? I understand that she is upset that I talk better with them then I do with her at times but lately all our conversations turn into arguments with in 10 min which is making this worse because now I don't even want to talk to her because of that. It's a snow ball effect that is getting real bad real fast.

I hope all this makes sense :scratchhead:

You said "yes I do flirt" so you admit you flirt. I am married to a flirt and let me tell you it is hard. It eventually chips away at your love for someone when the other personal constantly hurts the other. You need to stop or quit even organizing the sports. If you want to save your marriage.

 

[Cosmos]

You've already told us that you flirt with these women, so I think that's a possible clue to your wife's jealousy. Talk to them, but stop flirting - it's disrespectful to your wife.

 

[that_girl]

Well, it has been my experience that most people who behave like your wife (whether male or female), are usually up to no good themselves so they project their guilt onto their partner.

Maybe she flirts with the men, etc...so she assumes you are flirting with these women.

 

[that_girl]

Flirting is all subjective.

I could smile and say "Hey" to a guy friend and someone could think that I'm flirting.

IMO, the OP was trying to justify his wife's behavior by admitting guilt. I don't think he flirts.

 

[lost soul]

Thank you for all the replies, it really helps me understand my wife's point of view. I don't consider how I talk to women flirting to me I am being nice courteous and respectful. I don't talk to them with a sexual vibe or through in lil remarks. To me that would be flirting but I'm a guy and understand that women are (unique) LOL and to my wife me talking nice to a women is flirting or disrespectful to her. I just feel it's unfair, I feel like I'm a dog that is to sit by her side and acknowledge that she is my master. I know that a lil extreme, must be the frustration speaking out.

It's a lil hard to treat the team as a business. We are a team/family. I preach to our players that they are family and need to be there for each other no matter what. I tell the Coaches it's not them vs Parents it's everyone working together to be one, We are a team not individuals. And a few of the kids are cousins including mine so we really are Family. My wife is just mad that I talk nicer to some of them more often than she likes and now I'm stuck cause what do I do not talk to them, they will just be "what's wrong"

 

[that_girl]

I think your wife is throwing a fit over nothing. It's not like you are close friends with ONE of the women, etc. You are being human and being nice. The eff? She needs to stop it.

 

[I'mInLoveWithMyHubby]

Well, what I mean is we don't hang out or go to dinner, chit chat daily on the phone. I should of clarified. Friends hang out and talk to each other frequently.

Being friendly to these women is different then being their friend if you know what I mean.

Ignoring these women and being rude is not cool. I do think your wife is overreacting. You should be able to be normal around these women. You wife is overly jealous though, which will hurt a marriage or any relationship.

I don't expect my husband to be cold towards anyone.

 

[Chelle D]

I do not think you should "befriend" the sport mom's. There's a big difference between organizing the events... calling one of the mom's & say, hey, you're incharge of drinks this time... Then calling them & chatting for 10 mins.

Sure, at the event if someone starts talking to you.. I'm not saying to completely blow them off. But if the conversation goes farther than the sporting event, or general talk (weather, politics, local civil issues).. make sure your wife is in the conversation, or another person. Do not talk one-on-one in a "lets be friends" kind of mode with any female other than your wife.

You are setting yourself up to finding an emotional affair going on.

Edit.. Oh: and I'd bet that the lunches at work, that she is not having lunch with a male coworker & her alone. That it is not "but he's my friend" situation. I'd bet that the going out for drinks with co-workers is a group & is NOT her going out & trying to be friends with one male.

 

[kea2011]

I know there is 2 sides to every story and I'm sure I don't completely understand what she is feeling and yes I maybe a lil flirtatious so that probably means that yes I do flirt

I've always had very little contact with females being my work is all male and my friends are all guy's. I haven't had a female friend since I met my wife 27 yrs ago. Yes she has always been jealous but since female contact has always been minimal it hasn't been that big of a issue.

Now, , , In this past year we've gotten really involved with our child's sport and began the issue. I enjoy organizing our team events and seem to be pretty good at it. I like the praise I get for paying attention to little details which drives me to constantly take it to the next level. So here is the problem TEAM MOMS ! ! ! I hadn't had a female friend in 27 yrs and before I met my wife most of my friends where females. So my wife is extremely upset that I've befriend these woman. She say's I flirt with them and they all flirt back with me.

My main thing is that I organize the team and make sure everything gets done. Only a few other fathers get involved so most of the time a deal with the moms and I'm sorry but yes I enjoy talking with them but I do not see it as flirting at least not like to talk sexual with them. I talk to them just like I would talk to a guy but that seems to drive my wife crazy. And now it's to a point here I can not even say hello to one of them because my wife goes bazerk ! ! ! It is so bad that she wants to separate because she say's I pay more attention to the team and them.

And here's my thing, , , I don't think it's fair that she get's to get all upset at me for making friends with these females when she works with men and has male friends at work that she talks with has lunch with and at times goes out with co-workers for drinks. and I don't say nothing about that ! ! !

Any ways sorry for the poor grammar just would like some in put. I'm I in the wrong for befriending females ? I understand that she is upset that I talk better with them then I do with her at times but lately all our conversations turn into arguments with in 10 min which is making this worse because now I don't even want to talk to her because of that. It's a snow ball effect that is getting real bad real fast.

I hope all this makes sense :scratchhead:

Now forgive me that I did not take the time a read all the other comments on here. Here are my suggestions:

1) Ask her to take some time and be more involved in the sports.

2) Start counseling, there should never be one way streets. If she can have friends of the opposite sex than so can you.

3) If you feel that you cant talk to her without arguing, start writing her letters to express your feelings for her, the situation, and your standing on the relationship with her and friendship with them.

I hope this helps and things work out for you.

 

[MrsSloPok]

My husband and me have an understanding that neither of us need to have opposite sex friends that we hang out with, talk/text on a regular basis, etc. We both ( thankfully ) agree that you don't have to look for an affair for one to happen. All it takes is you & that other person for something to happen without meaning to. With that being said, she can't expect you to cut your life off because it may mean that you have to talk to women from time to time. I have not a problem with my husband having phone numbers of women co-workers and they may have to call him and ask him about the job or something. But my husband doesn't hang with these women outside of work and other than work related calls, they don't call him. She can't be that selfish it just doesn't work that way.

 

[lost soul]

After reading the last post I realize I've step over my boundary. It wasn't with intent but never the less I think I'm guilty. During tournaments all the parents have a job we do. Mine and another women is to set up the snacks and drinks in between the games. So during the games we sit chit chat watch the game while others are involved in the game including my wife. I didn't think nothing of it, we where just waiting for our turn to do something.

Man this fkn sux ! ! ! I still feel as though I did nothing wrong. If it was a guy it would of been okay. I would of still been talking the same way. More or less I guess , , , **** ! ! ! I have no issues with my wife talking with other guy's I trust that she will behave and if not well wut can I do but move on but that's on her.

"Emotional affair" I think that's worse then a sexual affair because that's more of a love thing and the other is lust which is gone as soon as you orgasm. Anyways Thank you lady's but one more question. Is it wrong to enjoy talking with the opposite sex in a normal conversation ? Would you rather have a conversation with a man or woman ?

 

[kea2011]

I think I am the only one on here that has no issues with male/female friendships. As long as it is just that. My husband has female friends and I have male friends. As long as you keep it as friends. There should not be an issue with talking to the opposite sex. Hanging out with them alone on the other hand, I can see where people can get upset. However, having a conversation with them, there should not be an up roar.

It is not like you are going out of your way to engage in conversation with them, you are not sneaking around, and you are not telling your wife that she can not be involved or around when these conversations are being done. I do not see that you did anything wrong especially since she goes out for drinks with male coworkers, you should not be punished for conversations with moms during childrens sporting events. That is just me.

 

[kea2011]

I do not think you should "befriend" the sport mom's. There's a big difference between organizing the events... calling one of the mom's & say, hey, you're incharge of drinks this time... Then calling them & chatting for 10 mins.

Sure, at the event if someone starts talking to you.. I'm not saying to completely blow them off. But if the conversation goes farther than the sporting event, or general talk (weather, politics, local civil issues).. make sure your wife is in the conversation, or another person. Do not talk one-on-one in a "lets be friends" kind of mode with any female other than your wife.

You are setting yourself up to finding an emotional affair going on.

Edit.. Oh: and I'd bet that the lunches at work, that she is not having lunch with a male coworker & her alone. That it is not "but he's my friend" situation. I'd bet that the going out for drinks with co-workers is a group & is NOT her going out & trying to be friends with one male.

this may me find but him having general conversation with the opposite sex in front of the crowd is doing nothing wrong. What is he supposed to do if it goes passed the subjects you listed? Say oh hold on I can't continue this conversation with you unless my wife is present and leave to go get her? that is completely crazy. hes not sneaking off to conversant with these women privately and hes not going behind her back. I do not think he has done anything wrong and she is WAY over reacting. based on what is written it does not look as though she tells this group of people for lunch and drinks oh im sorry this is not appropriate because my husband is not present. If it is ok for her to do lunch and drinks that involve other men he can have a public conversation in front of everyone with his childs team mates parent with out his wife present. she needs to find out why she has the need for such control over him.

 

[MrsSloPok]

Its not wrong to want to have conversations with the opposite sex, but knowing you...is it smart?

 

[Chelle D]

Anyways Thank you lady's but one more question. Is it wrong to enjoy talking with the opposite sex in a normal conversation ? Would you rather have a conversation with a man or woman ?

No.. not wrong to enjoy conversation with anyone. Just know the boundries. Personally, I would rather converse with another woman,... if it's "just conversing". etc... But, yes, I do not shy away from talking to a man. I'm not rude.

But.. being friends, buddy buddy, with a female other than your wife is just iffy. Especially if your wife is a little insecure or lower self esteme. Like MrsSloPak said. An emotional affair does not have have to be sought after. Sometimes it just happens & they didn't plan it. The clue is to know how to spot if the emotions are getting slightly too friendly.

Okay... I worded my earlier statement wrong..
If it goes beyond normal conversation.. He needs to set paramaters with wife on what she is comfortable with. I mean, if he converses same as if she were standing right there. If he can openly text or call this woman right infront of his wife, without her being jealous... then he's okay. The problem is setting up a situation where one may misconstrue that things are getting too friendly.

 

[CandieGirl]

I don't see why you got friendly with the women in the first place, knowing how your wife would react. Now, you're throwing your hands up, saying you've done nothing wrong. And while that very well may be true, you still knew that your wife would be jealous. Your wife's jealousy is her problem, but I don't see why you'd add fuel to the fire in this case, and then wonder why she's so upset?

 

[Dad&Hubby]

Keep in mind that you're on a forum that is based upon issues within marriage and relationships. The advice you will receive is going to be skewed because of the "target market" of this forum. It's not bad, it's just reality.

Opposite sex friendships are GREATLY frowned upon here because there are SO MANY stories of OS friendships turning into affairs.

Your situation is different. The term "friend" is EXTREMELY subjective. The "friend" who's dangerous to a relationship is the one that has a very strong relationship with one of the members of the marriage and the person in the marriage becomes emotionally invested with the "friend".

It sounds like you don't have "friends", it sounds like you have friendly acquaintances. There's a HUGE difference. I'm not a fan of "super close best friends" who are of the opposite sex, it ALMOST always leads to romantic feelings. I have ZERO issues with being "friendly" with someone of the opposite sex. Your wife is "friendly" with guys from work and you're "friendly" with these women.

You have done nothing wrong. Just be HONEST about if you are flirting or not and cut that out if you are, THAT'S inappropriate. But your wife's jealousy is what I see as a bigger issue here. Usually when someone is extremely jealous, they're either very insecure (needing counseling) or doing something themselves (projecting). Next time she riles up. You have EVERY right to call her out on it. Find out what SHE'S doing to make her think that way. Maybe her friends from work are more than friends.....

 

[lost soul]

Edit.. Oh: and I'd bet that the lunches at work, that she is not having lunch with a male coworker & her alone. That it is not "but he's my friend" situation. I'd bet that the going out for drinks with co-workers is a group & is NOT her going out & trying to be friends with one male.

I'm sorry I didn't mean going to lunch like go to a restaurant. They have a cafeteria where they all can eat. I'm just think when she get's her break she sits with which ever coworker she knows male or female. And I have no issue with that. And no she does not try to get the attention of any one individual. But I found out women talk nasty by going with there group of friends so it did cross my mind that she maybe some what the same at work but I wasn't to concerned. If she has enough love for me i'm ok if not then there it is.