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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My Husband and I have recently hit a road block in our marriage and I want to show him how much I care about him and am willing to put in the effort and work to better our marriage.

I have created a "date jar" that we will pick out once a week and complete. My Husband is a hopeless romantic though and appreciates acts of kindness and caring.

What other things can I do for him (other than cooking him dinner or rubbing his back) to show that I care?

Thank you in advance! xo
 

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How about a picnic for the two of you? Pack a basket with his favorite finger food and drink (probably non-alcoholic depending on where you go.)

If you live near somewhere to hike, go hiking.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
What's the roadblock; if you can share that information.

I think the kind of romantic gestures that would work, should be kind of geared to solving the roadblock; whatever it is.
I haven't been myself lately, depressed, angry, negative. He got tired of it and is done. I have been lacking confidence and I am working on bettering myself. We met with a counselor last night and even though he is fed up he seems to be willing to give us a chance. I have joined a gym, eating healthy and being more positive and confident. So now that I have made the changes for myself, I want to make the changes for our marriage.

I need to show him how much I care and I need to get that romantic spark back in our relationship. I miss being intimate terribly and I know that will take time.
 

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Another idea....

At home date in your bedroom.

Make snacks, desert, or whatever you like. Have wine. Put on music.

Get some sex games, there are some for sale on amazon.com for example.

lock the door.

Dance, play games, eat, drink, and just have some romantic fun together.

Make it really special.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Another idea....

At home date in your bedroom.

Make snacks, desert, or whatever you like. Have wine. Put on music.

Get some sex games, there are some for sale on amazon.com for example.

lock the door.

Dance, play games, eat, drink, and just have some romantic fun together.

Make it really special.
Thanks EleGirl!! I am not sure he is quite ready for that yet... it may be some time before he feels comfortable being intimate.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Why were you depressed, angry and negative? Why were you lacking confidence?

You don't have to answer if you don't want to. But you probably want to get at the root of those feelings. Don't use romance as a band-aid for what might be deeper issues. What do you think?
Oh I know exactly why. I was in a really abusive relationship before my husband that really hurt me. My self -esteem has suffered since then. I have recently gained a bit of weight after our wedding (35lbs) and have just fallen into a negative place. I have joined the gym and have already lost 15 lbs, also eating much healthier and being active in other ways. I feel my confidence coming back and so is my positivity. I have been working hard to show my Husband he is important to me just as I am important to myself.
 

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Off your other thread, how often and long does he go away for business? Relationships need that time alone together for both partners to feel loved and secure. 10-20 hours a week of alone time, no electronics, no kids is recommended.

If he is away too often for too long that may be a big issue.

If you are able, shoot for 20 hours a week of time. Ideas about what to do would kind of depend on what you both like. Car show? Long walk on the beach? Go cart racing? Sometimes just a drive to somewhere secluded and sitting in the car, talking and listening to music is nice (and cheap) The main point is to have consistent time together.

And I'd insist on an openness policy as well so he doesn't care if you go through his phone or not. Nothing locked, nothing "private" Effort only works if both people are willing to solve things and if you are willing to do your part, he needs to make some changes too.

Marriage builders is a great site for building a solid marriage.
 

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Well then, something romantic would probably be working out together, or anything that is physically active. Especially something new, that neither one of you has ever done before.

Can you write him a letter and tell him you are so grateful to him for standing by you when you were recovering from the pain of the previous relationship? A really nice letter on good paper, tied up with a ribbon... that sort of thing. The kind of letter he would keep for the rest of his life (since you say he is sentimental and romantic).

And really reassure him that you are OVER the previous guy. I know of what I speak here. You don't want him to think that somewhere, deep inside you, your ex still has the slightest emotional hold over you.
Totally 2nd this idea. I noticed that most of the suggestions in this thread are "do stuff together" suggestions, when it sounds like your husband might be in a place where he actually wants some emotional space. Gifts are a good way to remind someone you love them while also giving them the space they want or need. Maybe set up a little gift basket for him to find when he gets home from work? Something with a card or letter.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Totally 2nd this idea. I noticed that most of the suggestions in this thread are "do stuff together" suggestions, when it sounds like your husband might be in a place where he actually wants some emotional space. Gifts are a good way to remind someone you love them while also giving them the space they want or need. Maybe set up a little gift basket for him to find when he gets home from work? Something with a card or letter.
Well he did just get back from a 9 day work trip and we have not spent much quality time together... I am not sure exactly what he is looking for right now and I am not sure I should ask. I know he is intimately disconnected but I def still want to flirt with him, I need to reignite our flame with out coming on too strong. I need subtle ways!
 

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Space isn't always a good thing in a failing marriage. In order to fall in love again you need alone time together.

Plus imo he seems a little sketchy with the losing it over thinking she looked through his phone so any chance he is getting emotional or other needs met by someone else is not a good time to give him space.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Space isn't always a good thing in a failing marriage. In order to fall in love again you need alone time together.

Plus imo he seems a little sketchy with the losing it over thinking she looked through his phone so any chance he is getting emotional or other needs met by someone else is not a good time to give him space.
He didn't want me to see any messages to his friends that he was thinking about leaving or getting a divorce so that is understandable. He isn't cheating and he does love me and we are working on things, and yes I agree... we need to spend more alone time together.

Like this weekend he is driving up North to see his family and he isn't sure it would be a good idea for me to come and I said I think it would actually be a good idea as we could spend a lot of alone time in the car. He's on the fence, I am hoping he agrees as I am sick of staying home myself and not spending time with him.

....sigh...we will see.
 

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Put little notes in his backpack or briefcase or pocket now and then that tell him what you like about him; one at a time.

Put little treats in his suitcase when you pack his bag for trips.

Get some pictures blown up of the two of you and put them around the house.

Offer to give him a massage.

Massage his feet while you're on the couch.

Have him lay his head down on your lap on the couch while you watch tv, and massage his head.

Buy him some special food or treat he likes.

Brag about him on Facebook or to his friends.

Hug him out in public.
 

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A Summary of Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts

Have a read through these and go through them with him. Kind gestures on their own are only 1 portion of things. Meeting all emotional needs, no love busting, radical honesty and openness (no matter what he was trying to hide, no locked phone!), joint agreement, time together weekly... It all has to be consistent and it's not a quick fix, it's a slow build back up love fix

You will be the one needing to lead the way with it but he can't stay on the fence. Either work to fix it or leave. There's no middle ground.
 
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