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Right- why doesnt he get into porn...... he even took me on a surprise Vegas trip to the AVN awards. Adult porn convention to try to pimp me out so I could get into porn..... even when I told him I didn’t wanna be a porn star...... and he said.... I thought it would make you feel sexy and wanted....
I don't even know, where to start with this.....


I take my wife places where she would think that "I" make her feel sexy and wanted. Not the porn industry....Just sayin'
 

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I feel bad throwing him out with out a place to go or job. I realize it’s to long.
Not your problem.

You need to file ASAP. The longer he's unemployed the better claim he has on alimony. If you wait, you'll be at risk for paying him. Anything you pay him takes away from your kids, so file ASAP.
 

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Discussion Starter #25
No im not having sex with him. He hasn’t even seen me naked since vegas. And I can’t tell you how happy it makes me that he isn’t even touching me!!! For 20 years I’ve dealt with he groped non stop even in public. Doing something like driving in the car and he has his hands on my boobs nonstop..... even when I ask him to stop.... he doesn’t care. Now that we are getting a divorce I’ve pointed all these things out to him and he says “I can’t believe this I thought i was making you feel sexy and wanted” I said I’ve told you so many times I don’t like it!!! And he followed up with “I thoughtyou were being funny and did like it!”
 

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OP is doing it again....She is defending him. Sorry for throwing him out. And the without a job thing....Really?!


You need to use some of the tools here on the site to get your spine back. And, you will see that you have self worth and peace in your life. You just have to take it.

Maybe the dude has a smidgen of good in him. But the BAD outway that completely. You need to start the 180 and detach. Find your OWN life and start finding happiness. Forget that "it was 20 years" crap....So what, you have another 20 years to write your OWN story.

Just a macabre view here....If he THINKS you are good looking enought to due porn movies, most likely you will have NO TROUBLE picking out a good apple when you are free from this leach on your life. And with your sense of good self worth and a straight moral compass, you will do fine.
 

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Discussion Starter #27
That’s one of the reasons I’m trying to give him time to get on his feet. I don’t have money to pay alimony to him. I can’t afford to support 2 separate households. I want to stop doing the web cams that I’ve been forced to do and once I quit, I’ll take an income loss. So my thinking is if I’m civil and give him time to save and move, then things in the divorce might go smoother.
 

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I feel bad throwing him out with out a place to go or job. I realize it’s to long.
Not your problem. He is a grown man and responsible for himself. Where or how he ends up is completely up to him, and if he doesnt have a damn thing, there is no one to blame but himself for that.
 

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That’s one of the reasons I’m trying to give him time to get on his feet. I don’t have money to pay alimony to him. I can’t afford to support 2 separate households. I want to stop doing the web cams that I’ve been forced to do and once I quit, I’ll take an income loss. So my thinking is if I’m civil and give him time to save and move, then things in the divorce might go smoother.
I am pretty positive you wont have to pay alimony, he is capable of working a job and is choosing not to. Now if he was unable to work due to disability or something, then yeah... but I am pretty sure even if you DID have to pay something, it would be very temporary.
 

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Don't count on him saving money....It will be another "I don't know where it all went?" excuses.

Let him use the salvation army and a half way house. Being forced into sexual situations that you do not want is tatamount to rape.. (Ladies....Tell me I'm wrong here)


Drop him like he's hot! Just for info, what state are you residing in? Legal issues and all.
 

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That’s one of the reasons I’m trying to give him time to get on his feet. I don’t have money to pay alimony to him. I can’t afford to support 2 separate households. I want to stop doing the web cams that I’ve been forced to do and once I quit, I’ll take an income loss. So my thinking is if I’m civil and give him time to save and move, then things in the divorce might go smoother.
Webcams? I was trying to figure out how you were managing to make ends meet, with 3 kids, rebuilding everything after losing it all in 2009, and a husband who's a negative asset. You need a lot more than a divorce. You've gone down a rabbit hole such that the version of you from 20 years ago wouldn't recognize you now. Have you figured out how to get back to where you want to be? Or that might be moving the story too far. Have you figured out who the person you want to be... is? You have either gone into survival mode or adapted to a hugely different lifestyle and standards than the norm.

As for alimony, I suspect at least some of what you've been doing for money is under the table and won't come up as income. Which brings up something else. In a divorce, if he's going to try and prove you have money, income that you haven't paid taxes on could be exposed, creating a significant tax liability.

I wish you the best.
 

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Discussion Starter #35
You’re 100% right 20 years ago I never would of believed how my life has turned out!!! I actually made enough on the webcams to be taxed so none of it is under the table.
And you’re right I have been in survival mode and I’m not proud of the web cam it’s pretty disgusting..... that’s why I have not let him push me further into other sites.... or porn.
 

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Okay, @Callingquits, let me comment on your situation as a spouse who had not one but TWO alcoholic husbands.

You are not responsible for anyone else. You are responsible for yourself. You are responsible for your children until they reach 18. However, 18 or not, you CANNOT control anyone else's outcome based on their own decisions.

Right now you are playing the major-guilt-card. The thing is, addicts of all shapes, colors, and flavors can play the quintessential victim to the hilt. Your husband is a loser. Your husband is a screw-up. Your husband is an albatross hanging around your neck.

Need I make myself any clearer? Lose the guilt-card. Take responsibility for yourself. To hell with this bum of a husband you have. Why? Because you were given one very short, precious life to live. So quit feeling guilty. BE PROACTIVE. SEE AN ATTORNEY TO GET YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW.

Trust me, because I've had a boatload of experience in this area. Your life will be one million times better the sooner you get your husband out of your life. Seriously.
 

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I am pretty positive you wont have to pay alimony, he is capable of working a job and is choosing not to. Now if he was unable to work due to disability or something, then yeah... but I am pretty sure even if you DID have to pay something, it would be very temporary.
Actually, does this loser honestly think he won't be on the hook for SOME kind of child support for the kids he's refused to support for the last how many years, now? See, you were willing to pick up the slack FOR this lazy degenerate and feed and clothe the kids he REFUSES to support while the parasite lived off you. But once you finally rid yourself of him, does he just assume his financial responsibility ends there?

Because in most cases with men who are capable of working but refuse to, the child support offices will simply use his last known job income as a base to assign an approximate amount that he COULD be earning if he weren't so worthless. And they'll assign a monthly amount of child support based on those proposed earnings that he'll be liable to pay, regardless of whether he wants to work or not. What a self entitled piece of ****.

I predict a rosy future for this loser. He'll always be dodging the authorities, have his license taken away, he'll always be in arrears for thousands of dollars, have multiple warrants out for his arrest, he'll never have two pennies to rub together or a legal asset to call his own because child support will be sure to put a lien on it (or Hoover it up if he ever files a LEGAL tax return). It's more than likely he'll just stay under the radar and expect others to support him, or work under the table so he doesn't have to send you money to support his kids.

But you go ahead and 'feel bad' for a grown ass man who thinks it's fine to pimp his wife out because he's too damned good to put in an honest day's work to support his family. You go ahead and continue pandering to him and feeling 'bad' for him. One day you'll SEE what a complete piece of **** he is and then you'll wonder why on earth you wasted one scrap of empathy on him.

ETA: And don't worry about Laughing Boy fighting you for custody or you not being able to see your kids for 50% of the time once he's gone. I doubt he can adequately provide a suitable home for his kids to live in when he's living in refrigerator boxes under bridges, or couch surfing at a friend's house once you're rid of him. Besides, kids are a buzz kill for lazy ass-holes like him, the LAST thing he wants to do is be responsible for their care and welfare.
 

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You’re 100% right 20 years ago I never would of believed how my life has turned out!!! I actually made enough on the webcams to be taxed so none of it is under the table.
And you’re right I have been in survival mode and I’m not proud of the web cam it’s pretty disgusting..... that’s why I have not let him push me further into other sites.... or porn.
Listen, I want you to re-read this to yourself a 1000 times...

If you don't get away from him a future post may say, "yeah I did some porn to make money but I did not do that anal gangbang at least..."

See how that works.

You have to get him away from you and re-evaluate your life at ever level...

The way that he has brain washed you is REALLY THAT serious...
 

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Choking. Sorry. That did it for me.

Divorce. And the police as you are a victim of abuse.
That was my thought.:surprise:
You had a man who was forcing you to do things that you hated, even though you repeatedly told him not to, isnt that classed as rape? Choking you? Good grief, even without the drug taking and drug dealing and robbery and laziness, that's more than enough to have ended this marriages years ago.

You may not want to tell your children but surely they are seeing a bad role model.

In your position I would have asked him to leave ages ago, he is an abusive man with nothing to offer.

Please don't do the webcam stuff, or the phone stuff, its demeaning for a women.
 
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