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Where do I start... I’ve been married for almost 21 years. I have 3 children and I want a divorce.
My husband claims to love me and says he will never stop loving me that I am the love of his life...
my story is LONG sand could be made into a Sunday night movie-
I grew up very religious and had never been sexually involved with anyone. Got married when I was 20 and things seemed great. My husband was going to school and things were on track for a good life.
5 years into the marriage my husband started doing drugs.... he says he stared doing drugs because he didn’t feel close me and I spent more time taking care of the kids then showing him affection... he went through rehab, I thought he was better although he 5 years later I ended up finding he was still taking pills and selling them.
After the intial drug problem I pretty much told him that anytime he wanted sex he could have it, now I realize I’ve set myself up for him to view me as a sex doll. I’ve always tried hard to Please him sexually... but it’s just not me! I don’t like doing the things to him that he wants done. I think I’m the 21 years we’ve been married we’ve made love 2 times. Although we have sex every night- he chokes me and does stuff to me I don’t like even when I tell him I don’t like it.... he still does it.

He then did a bunch of sketchy investments and we lost everything in 2009 house and cars, filed bankruptcy.

He’s been fired multiple times “never his fault”
5 years ago one of my relatives had their house robbed all signs pointed to him that he was responsible for it.... he was gone the night it happened, made some sketchy remarks and had reason to rob them. 3 months after that he was aressted for a bank robbery “that he was framed for” once again all evidence points to him!!! He spent 4.5 months in jail, I was going to get a divorce then but didn’t want to hurt the kids.

The last 6 years my husband has not had a job. He says he “takes care of our children” who are all in school full time....

I seemed to be ok with that- then a year and half ago I joined a site where you get paid to chat to men. I was making good money... My husband for a year now has been pushing me to do porn, saying look how much money we could make and how many vacations we could take. While he sits home and does nothing to contribute financially. I support my family and yet he would not stop pressing me to do porn!!!!

There’s so much more but I don’t want to make this to long....

I’ve had enough.... I’m tired, I’m worn out, I want someone to love me and take care of me for once. I want to feel safe and protected, I want to be proud of my husband.... I’m tired of making excuses for the man I’m married too!!!

Please share your thoughts I’m open to hearing them all.....
 

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Please share your thoughts I’m open to hearing them all.....
I'm having so many thoughts I don't even know where to begin. Your husband's drug use is not at all your fault. My guess is that he was using before you ever even married him, it just took a while to get caught.

Your sex life sounds awful. It's all about him and his desires. Does he ask you ever about your desires? I've done things in bed before that don't make my skirt fly up but it was a give and take thing. Nothing about what you wrote sounds like a give and take relationship...he just takes and takes and takes.

I think you're here looking for permission to file for divorce. I give it to you freely. Please, call a lawyer tomorrow. Your husband is complete dirtbag. After you hang up from the lawyer's office, call to make an appointment with a therapist to figure out why you've stayed with him for so long and to help you gain the strength it will take to leave.
 

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I think this site is quick to tell people to bail, but you haven't mentioned anything that sounds worth saving, vs. a LOT that sounds worth running from.

You mentioned he probably robbed relatives, watch your back in all of this. Your divorce lawyer might be able to recommend somebody who knows about security cameras, guns, etc.
 

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Where do I start... I’ve been married for almost 21 years. I have 3 children and I want a divorce.
My husband claims to love me and says he will never stop loving me that I am the love of his life...
my story is LONG sand could be made into a Sunday night movie-
I grew up very religious and had never been sexually involved with anyone. Got married when I was 20 and things seemed great. My husband was going to school and things were on track for a good life.
5 years into the marriage my husband started doing drugs.... he says he stared doing drugs because he didn’t feel close me and I spent more time taking care of the kids then showing him affection... he went through rehab, I thought he was better although he 5 years later I ended up finding he was still taking pills and selling them.
After the intial drug problem I pretty much told him that anytime he wanted sex he could have it, now I realize I’ve set myself up for him to view me as a sex doll. I’ve always tried hard to Please him sexually... but it’s just not me! I don’t like doing the things to him that he wants done. I think I’m the 21 years we’ve been married we’ve made love 2 times. Although we have sex every night- he chokes me and does stuff to me I don’t like even when I tell him I don’t like it.... he still does it.

He then did a bunch of sketchy investments and we lost everything in 2009 house and cars, filed bankruptcy.

He’s been fired multiple times “never his fault”
5 years ago one of my relatives had their house robbed all signs pointed to him that he was responsible for it.... he was gone the night it happened, made some sketchy remarks and had reason to rob them. 3 months after that he was aressted for a bank robbery “that he was framed for” once again all evidence points to him!!! He spent 4.5 months in jail, I was going to get a divorce then but didn’t want to hurt the kids.

The last 6 years my husband has not had a job. He says he “takes care of our children” who are all in school full time....

I seemed to be ok with that- then a year and half ago I joined a site where you get paid to chat to men. I was making good money... My husband for a year now has been pushing me to do porn, saying look how much money we could make and how many vacations we could take. While he sits home and does nothing to contribute financially. I support my family and yet he would not stop pressing me to do porn!!!!

There’s so much more but I don’t want to make this to long....

I’ve had enough.... I’m tired, I’m worn out, I want someone to love me and take care of me for once. I want to feel safe and protected, I want to be proud of my husband.... I’m tired of making excuses for the man I’m married too!!!

Please share your thoughts I’m open to hearing them all.....



Is there no scope for him to also make money chatting to women online?

You really should be angry and a lot more than you are.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Right- why doesnt he get into porn...... he even took me on a surprise Vegas trip to the AVN awards. Adult porn convention to try to pimp me out so I could get into porn..... even when I told him I didn’t wanna be a porn star...... and he said.... I thought it would make you feel sexy and wanted....
 

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Mam, he may say he loves you, but he loves the world more. I didn't read any current redeeming features unless you too have a lack of morals and agree to be pimped. Is the fact that you had a religious background hampering your proceeding with a divorce?

You are not responsible for his drug habits, theft, irresponsible financial abilities. His actions speak louder than his words. I'd be gone yesterday.
 

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I think you've been in this derelicts sphere of influence so long you've gotten used to it. This guy is a leech and offers you nothing, he just wants the free ride. Get a lawyer, protect your assets and boot his ass. There is nothing in this for you, except pain and poverty.
 

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I think it’s years and years of being manipulated. I’ve tried getting a divorce quite a few times and he’s always turned it on me saying it’s my fault. I end up crying and feeling bad he tells me I will destroy our kids they are 12, 14 and 17. He knows we are getting a divorce, I actually told him in Vegas. And he asked “can we still have sex?” He has tell October to get a job and save up. I’m not gonna lie I’m super nervous to tell my kids. He really portrays the perfect dad and husband. He’s always saying “look how I switched the Laundry I’m a good husband, or be sure to make the bed for your wife when your married that’s what good husbands do!” I’ve told my mom and sister and they both pretty much said “it’s about time!” He told his family and they can’t even believe I would leave him.... I think being the first to be divorced on both sides had held me back.
 

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OP, if I had a dime for every adult in a bad marriage who used the kids as their excuse for not leaving, I'd be a rich woman. That's really nothing but an excuse to stay right where you are because the thought of actually going out on your own paralyzes you with fear, so you use your kids as your excuse to do nothing. And that's what you're doing when you say, "I don't want to hurt the kids by leaving him."

Do you honestly think it's much better to make them live in the toxic environment you've forced them to live in all their lives? You think having a junkie jail-bird for a father is healthy for them? You think his stupidity and irresponsibility in putting your family out on the street after you lost all your worldly assets wasn't hurting them? You think their mother walking around like a zombie because she's practically being raped every night by an abusive, sadistic, sexual deviant ass-hole isn't hurting them?

One of my favorite sayings is, you used to be a victim, but now you're a volunteer; and that was never truer than in your case.

The guy basically uses you as a receptical every night while choking you and throwing you around like a rag doll and degrading and abusing you sexually - but that's not enough to make you leave.

He becomes a freakin' junkie and has the colossal nerve to blame YOU for his inability to control himself and goes to rehab, but comes out and is still taking and selling pills - but that's not enough to make you leave.

He can't hold a job to save his life and is a complete failure as a provider, husband and father - but that's not enough to make you leave.

He likely robs a member of your own family for the love of God - but even THAT'S not enough to make you leave.

He then gets popped for robbing a damned bank and they throw his worthless ass in jail - and again, even THAT'S not enough to make you leave.

The loser hasn't worked in years and just expects you (and likely us, the taxpayers) to support his lazy, worthless ass as well as the children he refuses to support - but that's not enough to make you leave.

But the most despicable thing of all about him is that he's turned you into a sex worker to support the family that his lazy ass refuses to support. While he sits on his dead can all day doing nothing, he lets you sit in front of a webcam getting pitiful perverts off online for money. And now, the pig wants you to do porn because he's not satisfied with the money YOU'RE making and thinks you can make so much more. But that's not enough to make you leave.

Because you don't want to 'hurt the kids.' That excuse sounds pretty ridiculous when you factor in the complete **** SHOW you've forced them to live in for years.

Do you honestly believe that none of the horrifying dysfunction I've summarized above has been 'hurtful' to your kids for the last 10-15 years???? Do you really think they're better off growing up with that degenerate you're married to? You're raising kids who will be in therapy for YEARS because you refuse to leave your abuser.

YOU have a choice. You always had a choice and have chosen to stay. They never had a choice and have been forced to live in this completely dysfunctional and unhealthy environment their whole lives. Your job as a parent is to provide a healthy, safe, positive environment for them to grow up in and you haven't done that. I think deep down, you know that as well. You can only use them as an excuse to stay with your abuser for so long before you have to face the fact that it's YOU choosing to stay for you own unhealthy reasons.

If you won't do it for yourself, why don't you put your kids FIRST for a change and give them a healthier environment in which to grow, OP?
 

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I’m tired, I’m worn out, I want someone to love me and take care of me for once. I want to feel safe and protected, I want to be proud of my husband....
You will never, ever have that with the loser you're married to, OP.

Never.
 

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Calling Quits, you are not in a relationship this is slavery. What does he bring to the table, nothing it seems. Start getting your ducks in a row and go see a lawyer. You are earning money, stop financing his life and take care of yourself and the kids, stop doing anything for him. Then tell him you want a divorce, you can survive without him.
 

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I think it’s years and years of being manipulated. I’ve tried getting a divorce quite a few times and he’s always turned it on me saying it’s my fault.

Tell him, yeah it is my fault and your opinion does not matter! Why do you care what he thinks, he is an abusive POS who has no value on you. Do you want your kids growing up seeing this kind of relationship where their father is willing to pimp out their mother? What about your daughters? I end up crying and feeling bad he tells me I will destroy our kids they are 12, 14 and 17.

If you stay with him, he will destroy all of your lives, this is not healthy environment for anyome
He knows we are getting a divorce, I actually told him in Vegas. And he asked “can we still have sex?” He has tell October to get a job and save up. I’m not gonna lie I’m super nervous to tell my kids. He really portrays the perfect dad and husband. He’s always saying “look how I switched the Laundry I’m a good husband, or be sure to make the bed for your wife when your married that’s what good husbands do!” I’ve told my mom and sister and they both pretty much said “it’s about time!” Your family can see who he is, why can't you? Perhaps you need some therapy to get yourself sorted mentally and emotionally, start going now. He told his family and they can’t even believe I would leave him.... I think being the first to be divorced on both sides had held me back. That is because they are all probably like him, I am sure his family life was not so good. Anyway, you do not need their permission
 

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I think it’s years and years of being manipulated. I’ve tried getting a divorce quite a few times and he’s always turned it on me saying it’s my fault. I end up crying and feeling bad he tells me I will destroy our kids they are 12, 14 and 17.
So what? Who cares? Let him turn it all on you, if thats what it takes to get the hell out of there. YOU know the real truth of what has gone on all these years, so his spin on thing really doesnt matter in the least. And your kids are well old enough to handle a divorce.. hell, they will probably CHEER when you tell them! Kids KNOW. You arent fooling them.

He knows we are getting a divorce, I actually told him in Vegas. And he asked “can we still have sex?”
Oh please dear God tell me you are NOT having sex with him still! Havent you prostituted yourself to him enough all these years? Hell maybe that would actually make him leave, if he's cut off!


He has tell October to get a job and save up. I’m not gonna lie I’m super nervous to tell my kids. He really portrays the perfect dad and husband. He’s always saying “look how I switched the Laundry I’m a good husband, or be sure to make the bed for your wife when your married that’s what good husbands do!” I’ve told my mom and sister and they both pretty much said “it’s about time!” He told his family and they can’t even believe I would leave him.... I think being the first to be divorced on both sides had held me back.
Then what happens in October when he still has no job or money? Because he wont. I dont know why you are giving him so long! You better have a plan in place to get his lazy worthless ass out of your home, because he isnt going to meet that goal.

Jesus girl, you should have left a very long time ago! Permission granted! RUN for the hills!
 
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