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To be horribly blunt about it, I think I don't really know *how* to masturbate.

I have a very non-invasive way of taking the edge off, but to use porn as an example... I don't know how to do that and bring myself to orgasm. I don't know my body much at all, or how to touch myself, what is pleasing, and what would bring me to climax. To be fair, my husband doesn't either (I mean, outside of actual sex)- close, but, we've never gotten there.

This has recently gotten to me however, because a couple of times now, my husband as alluded to wanting to watch me masturbate. He's not one to really fantasize or ever ask me for much of anything, so it kind of kills me that I cannot do this for him because I don't know *how*! I would do it in a heartbeat if I knew what to do.

I realize I could go lie in bed and just explore but, I think that would just lead to me being even more frustrated and upset. Please help? I realize this is my first post, but I came here in search of a safe place to find answers because that is how distressed I am with my situation. Thank you for reading, and any advice you can think to suggest.
 

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Climax. We've played around a little a few times, but he's only been able to get me to orgasm while we have sex.

This feels so so sad the more I talk about it :(
Don't feel sad. Look at it instead as an OPPORTUNITY for you and your husband to explore together.

Is there any reason why you two can't "play around" together more? Spend more time just exploring each other's bodies?

I know that people will have all different kinds of experiences to share, but for me, it was actually more gratifying for my H and I to explore each other and ourselves TOGETHER to find what worked for us. What worked for me in solo was hard to duplicate when he and different angles and pressures were involved. But watching each other and touching each other can be both stimulating and educational. :)

Best wishes.
 

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Go buy a vibrator. There are tons of them. Once you can orgasm, you know what to feel, what it feels like and how to get yourself there. It feels sooooo good. I like the bullet personally because it focuses on just my c***. I too can O from penetration and I prefer it over my c***. It means more to my heart because it is done by my hubby during sex.

Don't feel embarressed or ashamed going into an adult store either. The staff has seen it all. They can help you find the right vibrator for you with different speeds and such.

If you don't want a vibrator, you can lock your door, pour a glass of wine, put on some sexy music, spread your legs and rub away!!!:D
 

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Hope you don't mind a male perspective. I am not very good at all about giving my wife an orgasm with my fingers (well, not since we were teenagers anyway). I am very successful orally however. Can he get you off that way?

My wife uses a vibrator to masturbate (she does not do it often, mostly for me). She makes sure there is plenty of lube and uses it mostly on her clitoris. She sometimes uses the "rabbit" which gives simultaneous stimulation to the vagina (g-spot) and the clitoris.

Keep experimenting. The journey can be fun for both of you.
 

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If there is pressure to 'perform' it will sabotage any attempts to achieve an orgasm through masturbation. A state of complete relaxation with no expectations often helps.
 

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If you decide to buy a vibrator, the rabbit ones are the best!

Adamandeve.com will refund your money or exchange in 90 days if you don't like it. Its a great website to buy sex toys from!
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If you don't feel comfortable going into an adult store, you can purchase one of those small body massager things from any Walmart, K-Mart, etc. I got one years ago, and it's still my fav. It has little attachments you can switch out on the end but I just use the ball looking one to focus on my clit. It's a plug in too, so I don't have to worry about batteries, just a wall outlet close by. We also use it during intercourse sometimes to focus on my clit while he's inside of me. My favorite way right now :) Good luck to you!
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Don't feel sad. Look at it instead as an OPPORTUNITY for you and your husband to explore together.

Is there any reason why you two can't "play around" together more? Spend more time just exploring each other's bodies?

I know that people will have all different kinds of experiences to share, but for me, it was actually more gratifying for my H and I to explore each other and ourselves TOGETHER to find what worked for us. What worked for me in solo was hard to duplicate when he and different angles and pressures were involved. But watching each other and touching each other can be both stimulating and educational. :)

Best wishes.
There are probably a lot of reasons we don't play around more. Some more practical than others. He works a lot. His sex drive is not the same as mine . Psychologically I don't feel okay with my body, so much so that my anxiousness has prevented climax before :( So why would I want him playing around exactly?

I already know his body very very well and the lack of reciprocal knowledge and action is another sad thing to think about. I already ask so much of him, this really does just feel like one more thing to add to the list (but that would be a whole other post). I feel like I'm very much on my own with this.

Thank you for your help and care :)
 

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Do some self exploration! :)
No one will ever know your own body better than you. So when you have some time to yourself, start exploring and see what you like and what feels good.
 

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Re: vibrators

I have a 'realistic' one that I bought in the store a few years back. It's quite nice, three speeds at the press of a button, and shaped rather like my husband. I'm not prudish at all, so I don't mind going in them, and seeing what's available.

Again, I guess it's really a matter of really knowing what to do with myself. Thank you for the website recommendation- that sounds like it could have some good Christmas presents on it :D
 

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Hope you don't mind a male perspective. I am not very good at all about giving my wife an orgasm with my fingers (well, not since we were teenagers anyway). I am very successful orally however. Can he get you off that way?

My wife uses a vibrator to masturbate (she does not do it often, mostly for me). She makes sure there is plenty of lube and uses it mostly on her clitoris. She sometimes uses the "rabbit" which gives simultaneous stimulation to the vagina (g-spot) and the clitoris.

Keep experimenting. The journey can be fun for both of you.
I'm delighted to have a male perspective, thank you Romantic_Guy :)

The one really good encounter we had, he was using his fingers and mouth, and I got so so close :( But I couldn't even describe what he was doing that worked. Very very frustrating.

Can she masturbate without a vibrator to orgasm? I don't know if it's just the purist in me, but I think it'd be hotter to be able to accomplish it without 'assistance.'
 

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Give yourself permission to do it. Then just try it out. There are tons of information sites that would give you the basics on how.
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Now that sounds like the really hard part- give myself permission to do it. I'd have to get through the massive amount of shame and humiliation I feel about not knowing my own body (especially when I know my husbands so well).

Are there tons of good sites? I'm not sure how to find *useful* information on it- as they say in Avenue Q, the internet is for porn- everything is just stuff for the times in between! I'd really love a good video series, one that's maybe not too dated? I'm not embarrassed by sexual things, just me and my own body. It's such a bizarre juxtaposition. I can please my husband in bed, I write good smut, but... I can't do anything with my own body :(
 

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There are probably a lot of reasons we don't play around more. Some more practical than others. He works a lot. His sex drive is not the same as mine . Psychologically I don't feel okay with my body, so much so that my anxiousness has prevented climax before :( So why would I want him playing around exactly?

I already know his body very very well and the lack of reciprocal knowledge and action is another sad thing to think about. I already ask so much of him, this really does just feel like one more thing to add to the list (but that would be a whole other post). I feel like I'm very much on my own with this.

Thank you for your help and care :)
If I may bring another male perspective to the table. If your husband is like me then your pleasure is his pleasure. Over the years I have encouraged my wife to tell me what she enjoys so I know how to please her. Men are not mind readers although most of us wish we were. If you can verbalize what feels good he will probably be grateful. I know I used to get frustrated at the hit and miss method. Knowing what works for my wife is very much a relief.
 
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If I may bring another male perspective to the table. If your husband is like me then your pleasure is his pleasure. Over the years I have encouraged my wife to tell me what she enjoys so I know how to please her. Men are not mind readers although most of us wish we were. If you can verbalize what feels good he will probably be grateful. I know I used to get frustrated at the hit and miss method. Knowing what works for my wife is very much a relief.
This I hope does not sound whiny or cranky (oh the internet and your lack of tone) but if I go with the assumption that my pleasure is his pleasure, then... why doesn't he try harder (or maybe just more?)? We've had a few awesome encounters the past month or so, but in spite of (what I believe of course) clearly expressing my enjoyment of the changes/variety... nothin'. I feel like I am so missing something right now.
 

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If you don't feel comfortable going into an adult store, you can purchase one of those small body massager things from any Walmart, K-Mart, etc. I got one years ago, and it's still my fav. It has little attachments you can switch out on the end but I just use the ball looking one to focus on my clit. It's a plug in too, so I don't have to worry about batteries, just a wall outlet close by. We also use it during intercourse sometimes to focus on my clit while he's inside of me. My favorite way right now :) Good luck to you!
:iagree::iagree:
Sometimes I like to use my neck massager on low speed.
Most times, I just rub my fingers in a circle on my clitoris.
 

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I've never been one to self-explore either, but I definitely O with my H almost every time. What broke me of the it's okay to touch myself was when he was deployed all the dang time. Start slow and don't expect to get yourself there the first time. Take some wine, sexy music and a small waterproof vibe into the bath and run yourself a nice warm bubble bath, sit back, relax and start slowly. If you don't have a waterproof one, just use your fingers. The bubble bath will help you with self-image issues because it will hide parts of your body and maybe let you focus more on the goal. I hope that you can learn to accept your body, obviously your hubby still finds you sexy or you wouldn't know his body so well. :)
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This I hope does not sound whiny or cranky (oh the internet and your lack of tone) but if I go with the assumption that my pleasure is his pleasure, then... why doesn't he try harder (or maybe just more?)? We've had a few awesome encounters the past month or so, but in spite of (what I believe of course) clearly expressing my enjoyment of the changes/variety... nothin'. I feel like I am so missing something right now.
This is a question you should ask him. Couples don't often communicate very well when it comes to sex. They just assume that their partner should "know" things. In our case my wife didn't say anything because she was afraid she would seem critical and I would be insulted. While I just assumed she was fine with what I was doing. It was only when we started really talking that we realized we really didn't know that much about each other when it came to sexual fulfillment. Since then we have experimented with many things in the bedroom. Some work, some don't. But the fact that we are always talking to each other and share in the experiences makes it all good in the end.
 

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Another mans perspective:

First you are very cool to want to do this for you/H. For whatever it is worth you are not alone...It is also great you seem enthusiastic. H is lucky.

I like the idea of the bath with wine as they both will relax you.

While i think vibrators are great they don't teach you some of the nuances to what is really pushing your buttons. It is like handing a kid a calculator, yes they can add but, they will not learn...(perhaps bad analogy. There is much to read,see on the internet.

One think i found helpful was to google anatomy of clitorus. I was surprised to find that much of it is located under the part that sticks out (i think they call it the "hood" or whatever. Like an iceberg much of it lies beneath. This has been useful to help me/my wife to stimulate her manually. Massaging the whole area against the pelvic bone can be quite stimulating. Again, try a bunch of thing and see what you respond well to. I would let H know you are not ready to do this with him just yet to take some of the pressure off of you. Again this will serve to have you relaxed. I would think there would be a whole lot of material online IE videos that could demonstrate what other women do as well.

Good luck but, more important have fun
 
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