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I have been separated from my ex for over three years now. I have a healthy new relationship with a man I am proud to say is a positive influence on my daughters (5yrs old) life. However, my ex has chosen to start a relationship with a much younger woman whom has two children from two different fathers. Who dresses scantily when attending my daughters ballet shows for example or posts pretty much naked pics of herself on the Internet. My ex does the same and posts pics of his new partner up in her underwear. She "seems" like a nice person but knowing she had physical, sexual and emotional abuse growing up, I worry how she is raising my daughter when she is in her care. My ex and I share custody on a week / week basis and he does not talk to me at all about his personal life. Whenever I try to bring up issues he resorts to old habits such as name calling and general childish behavior. I want my daughter to grow up in a consistent, loving household but I fear that her father and his new partners immature behaviors are going to harm her. Does anybody have any advice?
I have approached my exes parents and they say that though they agree there are issues they are happy he is no longer causing them emotional strain so are keeping out of it and not saying anything.
I don't want to try to file for full custody because I understand she needs her dad and mom but I am at a loss.
Also, when I go pick my daughter up I often walk into their house and it reeks of marijuana and sometimes they appear high to me ( watery, red eyes). I don't necessarily oppose the use of that drug if that's what people want to do but around children? Aren't the kids being exposed to the second hand smoke? What would happen to their growing brain development?

Thank you, any help would be appreciated.
Randi
 

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You don't get any input into what your daughter does while in her father's care.

The only way you can change the situation is to document what you are seeing and seek a change in custody.
 

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You could try calling protective services or whatever they're calle in your area. You'll probably have difficulty doing anything unless someone "official" catches them doing something wrong. The courts don't like separating parents from children, in general.

C
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Unfortunately you all are no longer married, therefore you have no say in what your ex does with his personal life or how he acts with your daughter. What you can do has been suggested above, just realize that some actions you take will make the relationship between you and your ex even worse.

I would document everything and keep a journal. Focus more on what you are doing for your daughter and how she is performing instead of speculating on what your ex may or may not be doing. Keep in touch with her teachers and make sure she is progressing as expected.

If you note problems with your daughter or have concrete proof of issues at ex's, then consider such actions as calling the local child services. Remember there will be repercussions.

If you manage to get enough solid documentation, you can petition for full custody of your daughter. As mentioned already, the courts don't like to take children away from their parents. If you want to cut your ex out of your daughters life, you need to have more than just your dislike of his choice in bedroom partners.
 

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Changing custody doesn't keep him out of their lives. But if you can show their household isn't as stable or appropriate (subjective) as yours is, you can certainly file for primary custody so they are only exposed to that for short periods of time.

Children are quite smart. As they get older, no doubt you will show them you are solid and reliable - just the parent they need. When they need REAL help with REAL issues, you will be the rock they lean on.

Some states are less inclined to give custody to one parent where others may be more likely. You don't have any geographical information. Maybe if you express your concern to the authorities, they can do some random spot checks (DSS/CPS). But even in a conservative state such as mine, I know a couple who are married, openly use in front of their son and DSS doesn't take their son away.
 

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I agree with the above. I am a guy and a custody battle - which in my case was a waste of time b/c they showed that my home was stable as were the people in it - which isn't the case in your situation apparently - really put things into perspective that the kids come first and I have to be mindful of that.

she does need her dad but honestly she doesn't need a dad who is being a negative influence in her life - that will only hurt her and you down the road. sounds like your ex needs to grow up a little bit as his priorities are out of whack but i don't know enough about either of you to judge in that light.

his personal life is his, but what happens when your child is around does matter and you have a right to make sure she is in proper care and around people that will help her become a positive and influential person - not another drain on our society.

good luck but i think you have a long battle in front of you.

Joe
 
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