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I was with my partner for near enough 9 years - all my adult life.
The last few years has been hard on our relationship, i left him in Septemebr last year and moved back into my parents home. i still massively loved him however there was certain things i could not live with anymore. In October time we discussed that we would def break up. Deep down i thought we would get back together.
He then contacted me in the November and infomed me that he has actually been having a two year affair behind my back and is now in a relationship with this girl.
My life has now been turned upside down. I NEVER in a million years saw that comming. Even to this day he never leaves my mind, i obsess over there relationship and it deeply hurts that someone else can make him happy. This girl is 21 hes is 29, she lives 2hours away from him, he travels down there every weekend, he has not introduced her to any of his friends or much of his family.
We have still been sleeping together up until xmas when i told this girl what was going on. He has since competely cut me out of his life.
We have a mortgage together and i am desperate to get the house up for sale to get him out my life all together however he wont communicate with me at all about the house, anything. I feel so worthless, and betrayed, i blame myself for the whole affair in that i drove him away. I feel like i have lost the best thing that ever happended to me, he told me how happy he is with this other girl and how he feels "free". Is anyone else out there experiencing the same thing as me.....i feel like i kicked myself in the bum by leaving in the first place......
 

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Sarah-You didn't know it then, but you did yourself a BIG favor by leaving him. He was cheating on your for two years. It's better to cut him off and move on now than marry him and find out then he was cheating on you. I know it's hard, but you can get through this. We are all here to for you.

Is there any way you can put the house up for sale without him signing it?
 

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Sarah what your going through everyone who has been betrayed feels like in the beginning. The reality is You and me and everyone else who has been betrayed did nothing wrong.

He is adult and adults are suppose to do the adult thing and tell the other person when something is wrong.

What they don't do is cheat. What they don't do is treat you like your a piece of garbage and like all your years together didn't matter.

It is very hard I know, but you need to act like he doesn't matter to you. Yea you want to cry, but don't cry to him or in front of him. Bite your tongue until it bleeds, BUT DON'T cry in front of him or beg him.

You need to do what is called the 180.

Look at the signatures here some people have it linked. I know I should have it. The crux of it the 180 is act like nothing matters to you about. Basically move on with your life as he does not matter. First it helps you heal and it also makes the other person start to think about what they are doing and make them wonder themselves about if they did the right thing.

The next thing you need to do is expose this to everyone he knows. His family, your family, his friends, your friends. Even if your just trying to move on and get the house situation settled, at least someone on his end might knock some sense into him about that.

I know you don't see it now as many others didn't, which includes myself in that group. You did nothing wrong. Eventually over time you will start to see this and understand that this is all their fault. Yes you might have made some mistakes in the relationship. BUT NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING short of some physical or mental abuse on your part warrant this person doing this.

And even if you could say his affair equals something you did wrong. Then what he is doing now ? What does that equal ? Just extra punishment ? Just something to teach you a lesson ?

No.. Its them being less then human.

Your lucky your young with no kids and you learned this harsh lesson now instead of in your 40s or 50s with kids.

For me it took about 2 months to semi get straight over my 19 year relationship. Just hang on and endure the pain and eventually you will start to think a bit more clearly.

What you need now is friends and family that you can talk to and help you think straight. Of course you can vent and talk here and people will help you out best we can.

I know I wanted to do a million things to get back at my soon to be exwife. But eventually I calm down and reality sets in. You will get there. Just deal with what you have to and move on to the next issues. Don't try to handle too many things at the same time as it will overwhelm you right now.
 

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Don't kick your self. What would have been better if you stayed?

The affair would eventually have come out and you would be even worse.

Your exH is a pig. I suggest you contact a layer to help you sell the house and sever all ties to your ex.

Start doing things that is good for you and that build you upp again.

Hang in there...
 

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lets be clear.

Cheating is ALWAYS 100% on the cheater. Period. End of story. Go to the mirror and tell yourself that even if you dont believe it now.

Logically look at the timing. You left last fall. Hes been banging (at least) this other girl for two years.

The correct order of things is to break up before you bang someone else. HE broke the rule. YOU did not.
 
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