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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Im new to this forum, and I feel kinda weird putting my personal business on here, but here goes....

Im married, have been for 4 years. Let me start by saying I love my husband. But, the past 2 years we have had alot of problems. Im 29 (almost) and I dont know if I want to be married anymore. I met my husband in my early 20's, engaged within a few months. Im learning now that I have always been who the man in my life wanted me to be, sacraficing my entire being to please them. Looking back, I was too young to get married, I didnt really think it through, and I didnt examine all the things I shouldve. Long story short, Im used to him, I depend on him, and he is like my dearest friend, but there is no passion. Im not sexually attracted to him at all, and havent been in years. While I think he's attractive, Im not attracted to him. But im not sure I know how to let him go. To make matters worse, I think Im in love with someone else.

Let me state, that I have felt this way about my marriage long before this other person, it did not arise from him.

My question is, could I really be in love with someone else?? Will I ever fall back in love with my husband? Im married, shouldnt I only want my husband??? Shouldnt I want to be intimate with my husband? What does all this mean...I feel like I cant let my husband go, but Im crazy about someone else...

Im really looking for helping advice. Im not sure how to tell what it is Im feeling, but its been going on for so long, I feel like my life is passing me by....And no, we dont have any children. I should also state that we have separated a few times, for short periods of time. It was bad for awhile, but we're getting along well now. But, I still cant shake this feeling that maybe he's not the one. I just dont want to wind up regretting anything!

Thanks.
 

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Will I ever fall back in love with my husband?

Yes you can fall back in love with people, but it takes an effort to do so. The more energy you invest the better off you are because either you will fall back in love or you will get burnt out trying and know it is over

Im married, shouldnt I only want my husband???

The human brain doesn't work that way, however morals and ethics keep us faithful

Shouldnt I want to be intimate with my husband?

Yes because the more sexual you are with your husband the more chemically and emotionally you will bond with him.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks for the advice. Ive talked to different people who assure me that while the love can change over the years, the sex shouldnt. And that when it does, it usually doesnt come back. Once its gone, its just gone. I believe that to a certain extent, which is why I also believe that break ups and make ups (with significant time in between) usually always lead back to break ups...

I just feel so conflicted! I have cut the other person out of my life so as to try and really focus on reconnecting with my husband, but its not working. While my husband and I are doing well, my internal feelings havent changed so much, and there is no sexual contact, other than cuddling here and there....

I guess only time will tell...
 

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Sex can come back. About two years ago my wife and I were down in the amount, time and pleasure of sex. Things needed to be resolved. Well we had our 7th argument in our marriage and talk for some time on how to fix everything. Sex was one of those things.

We now are more often then before we were married, and much better (mind blowing sex).

SO it can come back just like anything else.

draconis
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Can I ask how long your dry spell was, w/o prying?

I havent wanted to be intimate with him in about 3 1/2-4 yrs....I didnt even want to on our wedding night! it hasnt come back...at all.....and ive tried, believe me....I never loved it to begin with, but....it was at least there a little bit...its totally non-existant at this point....which im sure is a sign of a deeper issue, but still.
 

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Well in ten years our dry spell was for about a year of it. The thing was deep down she had always wanted to go to college, no one in her family ever did. After high school things always came up and she never could, however after being married she thought she'd have to settle. Making matters worse was the fact I became disabled because of the progression of my MD. Also the fact that not only did I (and still do) own my own store (since I can not work for anyone else now) plus do 90% of the household work. When I had to leave my "real" job we lost 75% of the money we where use to living on.

Long story short when she told me this is what she wanted, I got everyone I could involved into the idea of what I could do. Family to help watch the kids an a day she is in college and I have to be at the store. Shifting schedules to match her college schedule, and to make sure she has fair amounts of time to sleep, etc.

Chances are you are right, it is a much deeper issue driving this. The real question is do you know what it is and are you suppressing it? Why?

draconis
 
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