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First time here. I have been married for many years, my wife and I get along very well, considering that we both work from home and have had only each others company since the beginning of the pandemic, I would say our lives are good. We have had our share of troubles and have seem to come through them. Recently she has found some online friends in chat rooms, and I suspect things are getting pretty flirty. I'm okay with that, I had my share of adventures. I' am thinking that being jealous would be a total backfire for me, she seems happy and I want her to be able flirt and not be oppressed by my jealousy. anyway just my first post. Hello
 

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Welcome to TAM. Lots of good folks here to help.
As for the on-line flirting -- be VERY careful and keep a watchful eye. This is how MANY EA's (emotional affairs) start. You can read MANY stories like this here, so be aware.
 

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Welcome to TAM. Lots of good folks here to help.
As for the on-line flirting -- be VERY careful and keep a watchful eye. This is how MANY EA's (emotional affairs) start. You can read MANY stories like this here, so be aware.
Thanks, it did not go so well. I woke up Friday night around 12:30 am to go to the bathroom, and could hear my wife talking with a guy from her game. she was laughing and talking about another guy in her game being jealous of them. I confronted her about it Saturday morning and told her my concerns of her having an emotional affair. She assured me if was not romantic, but that she was thinking of quitting the game and he called her trying to talk her out of it. I asked her how she would feel fi she caught me talking to a woman on the phone in the middle of the night when I expected her to be sleeping. That got her attention and she agreed that she would feel the same way. to add to the drama we had both been drinking which tends to exacerbate any arguments we engage in. We made up Sunday morning. I told her don't want to be jealous, but her talking to a man at that hour, sealed the deal on my suspicion, when I notice that she is using other apps to chat, and chat is happening with only men outside of the game, what I am to think? Now just trying to put the pieces back together, I'm not sure where to go from here, except to make a counseling appointment. I want to fix things between us, not let them deteriorate further.
 

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You can't fix this -- SHE is the one causing the issues here with her cheating (and YES that is what she is doing --- talking to all sorts of guys now -- not even IN the game she was playing?). Look she is playing an ONLINE game -- why do those guys even HAVE her phone number?
You need to make some hard, unbendable boundaries here.
Her doing ANY of this is BS. If you don't and you don't give her hard consequences for what she has ALREADY done then this WILL continue to deteriorate.
One thing -- do NOT draw a line and then NOT hold up the repercussions if she goes over. If you say, if I catch you again, i will divorce you -- DO NOT BLUFF that. You HAVE to follow through with this because she will just realize that if you don't you WILL NOT do anything about it and will just accept it in the future.

To ME, STOP talking with any/all of these guys, quit all of those games, FULL open devices that YOU can check at ANY TIME, no deleting conversations, etc.. She is way down the slippery slope.
 

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You can't fix this -- SHE is the one causing the issues here with her cheating (and YES that is what she is doing --- talking to all sorts of guys now -- not even IN the game she was playing?). Look she is playing an ONLINE game -- why do those guys even HAVE her phone number?
You need to make some hard, unbendable boundaries here.
Her doing ANY of this is BS. If you don't and you don't give her hard consequences for what she has ALREADY done then this WILL continue to deteriorate.
One thing -- do NOT draw a line and then NOT hold up the repercussions if she goes over. If you say, if I catch you again, i will divorce you -- DO NOT BLUFF that. You HAVE to follow through with this because she will just realize that if you don't you WILL NOT do anything about it and will just accept it in the future.

To ME, STOP talking with any/all of these guys, quit all of those games, FULL open devices that YOU can check at ANY TIME, no deleting conversations, etc.. She is way down the slippery slope.
This actually turned out to be a misunderstanding. I have now seen all the text messages and sat in on a couple of phones calls, it's all about the game (which I do not pretend how these MMO games work exactly) I should have just talked to her in the very beginning and told her my concerns. Instead I let jealousy tear up my mind. I should have had more confidence in her. Now I am back to doing the things that make her attracted to me, like trying to find some way to make her feel special every day, dressing up for her, and building her up.
 

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Just keep your eyes on this -- MANY here have had EA's started EXACTLY the way she is talking with these players on games.
 

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This actually turned out to be a misunderstanding. I have now seen all the text messages and sat in on a couple of phones calls, it's all about the game (which I do not pretend how these MMO games work exactly) I should have just talked to her in the very beginning and told her my concerns. Instead I let jealousy tear up my mind. I should have had more confidence in her. Now I am back to doing the things that make her attracted to me, like trying to find some way to make her feel special every day, dressing up for her, and building her up.
Hope this is the one time catching your wife giving out her phone number to other guys works out for husband.

It is odd that you catch her talking to other guys and now you are putting her on a pedestal. Those things will make her feel comfortable, not sure about attraction.
 

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Once a clever man plants a doubting mouse in a vulnerable woman's mind, it gnaws off, rather quickly, her pants.
 

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No, because there haven't been any adventures, I was trying to tell myself here that I deserved this. But you were all right. She was texting, planning to leave me. I feel like such fool
 

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Are you looking for input from the group, or are you just saying things out loud to get comfortable with them?
 

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No, because there haven't been any adventures, I was trying to tell myself here that I deserved this. But you were all right. She was texting, planning to leave me. I feel like such fool
Your posts are all over the map in terms of what she’s doing and what it means. I think the drinking issue you mentioned, which is an issue for both of you, is destroying both your vision and resolve. You can’t fix or even assess things well if you’re not of clear mind.
 

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I think you handled it just fine. Covid is just about over enough for you two to start livening up your lives and going to do things, so go do things, take a weekend recreational trip or something to break the monotony. I mean a year of this, I'd say you're doing well enough, but yeah, she needed a reality check about caring enough about that game/chat to be up in the middle of the night. But that's why she needs "real life" to come back asap. We're all missing stuff, you know. Good luck. Get you two out and do something she loves.
 

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I'm kind all over the map because. I'm in shock. I became and remained sober, but too little too late. the fault is equal. I just want to be a man of value, I've been man of success. I now have to pick up the pieces and be a man of value
 

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I'm kind all over the map because. I'm in shock. I became and remained sober, but too little too late. the fault is equal. I just want to be a man of value, I've been man of success. I now have to pick up the pieces and be a man of value
Do it for you! One foot in front of the other...
 
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I'm kind all over the map because. I'm in shock. I became and remained sober, but too little too late. the fault is equal. I just want to be a man of value, I've been man of success. I now have to pick up the pieces and be a man of value
Fault is never "equal." Fault is individual. Each of your are responsible for your own actions, and one does not create the other's failure. Opportunity <> inevitability.
 
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