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I don't know, I'm reading here that she was such a ****ty wife you started drinking so much you thought you were an alcoholic, but as soon as you moved out you mostly quit drinking except one time socially. Why do you want to keep her? Is she a good mother to your kids?
They have no kids. They have pets, but no kids.
 

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They have no kids. They have pets, but no kids.
You say that like you read the opening post or something. :grin2:

Married 5 years, no kids, drove you to drink because the relationship was so lousy, evidence of infidelity, makes more than you so you're unlikely to lose everything you worked for in a divorce. Time to move on.
 

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ILYBNILWY speech, suggesting a separation, new birth control pills when you have not had sex since October, saying if someone turns your head to go for it.

They all add up to her having a boyfriend and does not want to cheat on him with you. You would be surprised at the number of women who say they are horrified by cheaters until they become one. Then it is all lies, deception, and blame shifting.

Talk to an attorney to know what you can expect.
 

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I think she is trying to see if you step up and be the man she needs you to be to stay in the marriage. It doesn’t sound like your very motivated to do this.
You need to fight for your marriage or let it go. As a women... I would want my man to fight for me and prove that I’m worth it.

Also what about your job? Is it true that you lack ambition?
 

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The speech, the need for space and the you can see others all add up to this woman is done with this relationship. She has moved on. Whether she is cheating or not doesn't change the end result. Your relationship with her is toast. Get a lawyer and start divorce proceedings. There is nothing to save here. Time will help you heal. She is way ahead of you in the detachment part. Implement the 180 ASAP. Sorry man, but these are the cards you have been given. Reconciliation is not in the cards for you. Walk away and avoid more pain and ego bruises. Get into Individual Counseling to make better choices and cope better and healthier from this point forward. It is all about you and YOUR self worth now.
 

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I think she is trying to see if you step up and be the man she needs you to be to stay in the marriage. It doesn’t sound like your very motivated to do this.
You need to fight for your marriage or let it go. As a women... I would want my man to fight for me and prove that I’m worth it.

Also what about your job? Is it true that you lack ambition?
You know what, if I was with a woman that was cheating, I would not fight for you for a half a second.

In fact, you (OP's Wife) Could never ever fight hard enough to get me back, ever.
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And make no mistake, she is and has been cheating for a while...
 

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You know what, if I was with a woman that was cheating, I would not fight for you for a half a second.



In fact, you (OP's Wife) Could never ever fight hard enough to get me back, ever.

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And make no mistake, she is and has been cheating for a while...


It sounds like that was the terms of the separation. He asked if they could see other people and she essentially said if we want. That was the time to object to seeing other people but he didn’t.
So stop calling her a cheater.
 

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It sounds like that was the terms of the separation. He asked if they could see other people and she essentially said if we want. That was the time to object to seeing other people but he didn’t.
So stop calling her a cheater.
She's been cheating since October.
 

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It sounds like that was the terms of the separation. He asked if they could see other people and she essentially said if we want. That was the time to object to seeing other people but he didn’t.
So stop calling her a cheater.
No, he asked what about seeing other people, or something like that... Way different thing.

Of course she is a cheater, you must read English way different that me.

She has been having an affair since she stopped sleeping with him in October. She is on birth control. Of course she is a cheater, how can you even say that...

I think you have a completely different concept of cheating...

If she wanted to divorce him because he was a drunk, fine, divorce...

She is and has been cheating.
 

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No, he asked what about seeing other people, or something like that... Way different thing.

Of course she is a cheater, you must read English way different that me.

She has been having an affair since she stopped sleeping with him in October. She is on birth control. Of course she is a cheater, how can you even say that...

I think you have a completely different concept of cheating...

If she wanted to divorce him because he was a drunk, fine, divorce...

She is and has been cheating.
If this was a bet, my odds are against her not cheating. All the signs are there. Plural= the signs are 99% true that she stepped out of the marriage and finally told the husband about it with the speech, separation and of course OK to see other people. It is very naive indeed to think vows were not broken by this woman!
 

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I think she is trying to see if you step up and be the man she needs you to be to stay in the marriage. It doesn’t sound like your very motivated to do this.
You need to fight for your marriage or let it go. As a women... I would want my man to fight for me and prove that I’m worth it.

Also what about your job? Is it true that you lack ambition?
She cut of intimacy, as a result he started drinking more alcohol.

Then came her ILYBINILWY speech and I suppose it's possible she isn't cheating on him, but you wouldn't get anyone to take a bet on that, because the odds wouldn't favour it as being of potentially enough profit.
 

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How do I approach her with this? I want to reconcile, but part of me is now questioning if it's even worth it?
It has been my experience - as a woman as well as having seen it with other women over and over and over throughout my lifetime - that when a woman is done, she's DONE.

Don't humiliate yourself trying to get back with her. She's DONE.

You need to move on.
 

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You say that like you read the opening post or something. :grin2:

Married 5 years, no kids, drove you to drink because the relationship was so lousy, evidence of infidelity, makes more than you so you're unlikely to lose everything you worked for in a divorce. Time to move on.
Not stated by the OP.
 

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Withholding all the facts, lying by omission to one's spouse, these equal cheating.

Anyone is entitled and 'permitted' to fall out of love while married. Amor'e is friable.

How you act while in that "State of Oh-my-Oh" is the key to one's character.

If you get too close to a co-worker (it happens) one should keep it low key until divorced.
Many cannot.

It is easy to fall, hard to put on the brakes when your heart and mind are raging, racing, in a dizzy spiral.
Yes, and when your loins are tingling.
 

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She cut of intimacy, as a result he started drinking more alcohol.



Then came her ILYBINILWY speech and I suppose it's possible she isn't cheating on him, but you wouldn't get anyone to take a bet on that, because the odds wouldn't favour it as being of potentially enough profit.


The OP doesn’t seem to be making this a big deal. It’s because he doesn’t think she’s cheating or he just doesn’t care.
 

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The OP doesn’t seem to be making this a big deal. It’s because he doesn’t think she’s cheating or he just doesn’t care.
I don't think you could have read the same thread?
 

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This comes down to two.people who can't take responsibility. She is probably cheating and justifying it, blameshifting. You are definitely not taking ownership of your drinking. No one can MAKE you drink or MAKE you an alcoholic, just like no one can MAKE her cheat.
 
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