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Well yuck. Sorry we made you feel doubt. We do not know either of you and we are speaking generally. We all have areas in which we can improve, so working on suggestions will at least occupy your mind.

i like @Mr The Other's and @Marduk's advice. When she talks separation/divorce, give her complete attention, make eye contact, ask the questions you have and ask for examples (i.e. "describe what you mean by lazy."). Tell her how much she means to you. Ask how long she has felt this way. But do all this as a man who is firm and confident, who wants to save his marriage, but has to have valid input to know if there is anything left to save.
 

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Doubt is good.

The only real confidence is the one you find after at least one - or perhaps hundreds or thousands of dark nights of the soul.

Doubt is only bad if you get stuck in it.
 

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Discussion Starter #63
Not sure if it's good or bad, but she came home and had an attitude again, and I snapped. I told her I didn't do anything to deserve the attitude and I wasnt going to sit there and take it anymore, she needed to take that somewhere else. Her reply was "you need to take yourself somewhere else", which came out half hearted. I told her I dont have to. She isnt happy with me but she lost the attitude so far.

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Not sure if it's good or bad, but she came home and had an attitude again, and I snapped. I told her I didn't do anything to deserve the attitude and I wasnt going to sit there and take it anymore, she needed to take that somewhere else. Her reply was "you need to take yourself somewhere else", which came out half hearted. I told her I dont have to. She isnt happy with me but she lost the attitude so far.

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Stand your ground. Don’t back down. You have the right to command respect.
 

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Well today she said she wants to sit down and talk about divorce this weekend..
You aspire to be a great husband and great father.

Live it.

Be clear as to what you need and what you are willing to give. Be open, take responsibility. If something is not acceptable to you, make it clear that you are calling it "I will not accept that" rather than "That is not fair".

This is a horrible place to be in. Be the best man you can be.

Seriously. It is rough. I have been there. God speed.
 

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Well today she said she wants to sit down and talk about divorce this weekend..
Ensure you sit down this weekend. Actually set a time and a place for it. Sit down, and give her the space to talk. Just listen. Nod occasionally to let her know that you're listening. Don't interrupt until she makes some kind of final statement or starts to circle on the same stuff over and over. Maybe make notes.

I give 2/3 odds it's more bluff and bluster. For what reason, who knows. If so, ask her what she's really trying to achieve by continually threatening divorce, but not actually discussing what the problem is.

In case she's serious, ask her two questions:

1. Why?

2. What's her plan?

In either case, if she tried to end the conversation without answering those things, I'd probably tell her that while she can end the conversation any time she wants, that doesn't mean you have to tolerate it.
 

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So far you've been so reactive instead of proactive. If you continue this way she's going to chew you up, and spit you out in the divorce.

You must be proactive now. Lawyer up and be knowledgeable for when you sit down to talk divorce. If you haven't, today buy a recorder and carry it with you at all times and make sure is on when you are anywhere near her. You must do this for your own protection in the even of her filling a bogus domestic abuse charge against you to get you out of the house. Don't think for a moment that she's not capable because you might sooner or later be very sorry.

Don't leave the house, so far you've been the primary parent, if you leave you might be taken for a ride with abandonment, and loose any chance to primary custody, if that's what you want.

Do the 180 now, your marriage has been toasted for awhile but, you have refused to accept it.
Time to grab your balls, and man up for what's coming your way. Start listening to what people are telling you. Use any advice that you think will help you, discard the rest.
 

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Well today she said she wants to sit down and talk about divorce this weekend..

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Take command of the situation .... there is no time like now.

This discussion should take less than 20 min.

This is a "state your position" discussion ...... NOT .... "I need you to want me."

Keep your mouth closed ...let her talk......and make sure you do listen. Really.....listen.

Read @Marduk post again.

This is a PLAN ..... not a circle the toilet bowl over and over.
 

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Discussion Starter #70
So far you've been so reactive instead of proactive. If you continue this way she's going to chew you up, and spit you out in the divorce.

You must be proactive now. Lawyer up and be knowledgeable for when you sit down to talk divorce. If you haven't, today buy a recorder and carry it with you at all times and make sure is on when you are anywhere near her. You must do this for your own protection in the even of her filling a bogus domestic abuse charge against you to get you out of the house. Don't think for a moment that she's not capable because you might sooner or later be very sorry.

Don't leave the house, so far you've been the primary parent, if you leave you might be taken for a ride with abandonment, and loose any chance to primary custody, if that's what you want.

Do the 180 now, your marriage has been toasted for awhile but, you have refused to accept it.
Time to grab your balls, and man up for what's coming your way. Start listening to what people are telling you. Use any advice that you think will help you, discard the rest.
I have consulted a lawyer and plan to retain her if needed.



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Well today she said she wants to sit down and talk about divorce this weekend.
I know I come across as a hard-ass, but I'm really sorry to hear this. Sounds to me like you're a good guy. Please keep us posted and let us know what reason(s) she gives for wanting a divorce. I'll be most interested to know if she actually follows through.
 

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Discussion Starter #72
I have been avoiding saying the following to avoid trying to sound like I am blaming her for everything. She started a new job the beginning of the summer. It was her first 8-5, 5 days a week job, she is a nurse, and she hates the hours. She left a flight nurse job that was bad but still wants to fly. I encouraged her to find another but she is stuck in this job for a couple more months. It was suppose to be a great job, but only thing great about it is pay. Her grandfather, who she was very close with, passed away at the end of the summer with her by his side. Then our son started school and a few activities that take up a couple evenings a week. She was coming home every evening just to say hi and watch us leave. I know her stress from all this only brought out and multiplied her feelings towards me.

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