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Discussion Starter #41
I feel bad cause now also they start to say bad word for.me, like I am a lady that goes with everybody, but I never did something like that.
I need to ear my liver for stupid things but that hurt me a lot....
 

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They say bad things to make you weak and make you stay. If you do not leave now you will be so much more sad than you are now. Imagine, a crying baby, no sleep, no money, forced to work because he won’t, he says everything you do is wrong, he doesn’t help. Next thing you know he will be going with other women because he will say you weren’t good enough.

Please. Leave them both behind. Ignore his family. Ignore what they say. You know you didn’t do those things. You don’t have to explain to them. . He gets in the middle of your relationship with your ex-boyfriend and then calls you-bad names?

Stop fighting. Stop arguing. Make him leave. You work and make good money. You will survive.

You came here because you KNEW something was wrong and you were looking for answers. You are being used and possibly abused.

Get out while you are young.
 

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Discussion Starter #43
I discovered on his phone some picture that daily he took of himself, only his face in different places. I discovered that during his free day, during my working day, he took some pictures of his face in the bed. He thinks to be super handsome but...someone says that he is like a gorilla...actually he is...he is only able to make himself big by words, but practically nothing is there. He speaks about himself like the most in everything, even in that meaning...I know you understand what I mean to say....I am so feed up. I am tired and bored and disappointed. Just looking at him I feel nausea😥😥😶😶how is it possible that I choose this person?? How ?? 😭😭
 

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Please dear member don't think bad about me...I am seriously confused and I am completely alone to face all these issues and stress
It sounds like you need a support system... you know, people who care about you and who you can talk to. Do you have any family or female friends around you? If so, what do they say about all this?

You say that you have a job. How many hours a week do you work?

What do you do when you are not working? Do you have any hobbies or things that you enjoy doing? Do you ever go visit family and friends?
 

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Kick them both out of your life.
Yes, start fresh, from some new beginning.

Get a female renter to help with the bills. Advertise at a local Convenience Store, or 7-11 store for a single lady. She must have a job and be working, having one older child is OK.

It is OK to meet new men if that is what you want. Talking to other men is OK.

Many here want you to take a break from men, I agree. But, you sound like you need someone in your life for other reasons, normal reasons.

For example, someone to talk to, someone to help you with things around the house, a female roommate can do this. Make sure you do this renter option legally, with a written contract. Stipulate what this person can and cannot do in your home. Make sure they sign the contract. Go online and print one off, if needed.

Right now you need a friend more than a sex partner. You can date men, just do not let them move in with you. You are 33 years old, you still have time to find a good man. Find a man your age or older than you, one with a steady job, a calm personality. One who enjoys smiling and being a good friend. A man who is generous with his things.


The renter should be expected to help clean up after themselves. Tell them this up front. Be very careful, and selective whom you allow in your house. Take your time, you are not in a hurry.
When you have a second person in the house who pays rent, you can afford to keep the air conditioning on....as needed. Get character references on this lady. Run a credit check.


Talk to me about your house, how many bedrooms does it have, does it have a basement and garage?

The last thing you need is another person with issues. No men should be allowed to camp out at your house.

Both the men that you are talking about want to lock you down, to get you off the market.

Why?

They see your value.
Please see your own value, also.

Don't get angry, get busy organizing a better future for yourself.



KB-
 

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Just looking at him I feel nausea; how is it possible that I choose this person?? How ??
We've already told you how you chose him - a childhood where you weren't loved and taught to love yourself.

The question you should instead be asking is - if you look at him and feel NAUSEA, why are you still WITH him?

No relationship should be that way. Just tell him to move out.
 

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Discussion Starter #48
Hello everybody and thanks for all your kind replies. I didn't write anything for some days cause I observe what is going on.
My ex now is very delicate he is asking me to go back to him and to forgive him for mistreating me. Seriously many times inside of me something is screaming to go back to him.
My boyfriend continues to do the same, no care and just complain. Even when he takes one spoon he need to wipe it or wash it, but me I maintain all clean. He looks in one place and he said it is dusty, but me I clean every time.
We go to the supermarket and me I need to pay. He just carry on the trolley and he doesn't care about the price. Last time he got disappointed cause I didn't accept to buy one paint cause expensive. Now he needs to get that driving licence, but still complain even if I pay also some of his lessons. Already he is asking for car and he wants big car to show off
He is already saying he wants to bring here his Family on visit, seriously I am not so happy for this. He plans to take them here and there but after who will pay? Me like every time.
For the marriage all is again on my shoulder. I am getting tired.
I wanted to buy one pair of shoes for me but he complained saying I have a lot of shoes and I am.not using. He is counting my dress and shoes, but me I am a girl and it is normal having a lot. He has only few clothes cause he doesn't have nothing and his Family has a house that is 10 m², but he is saying that it is more expensive than the house I bought!!!!!!
I am disappointed and sad, he throw his clothes everywhere and he doesn't respect things...just saying our house...what our...mine....
Yesterday I met one of my friend and we talk a little bit, after before going to my house I went to buy some items and I met one man that he was very closed to me some months ago but after me I put him in the corner, cause I was with my ex. This man is very nice, he is delicate and he always treated me very nicely. I seriously regret that I let him go...after meeting me yesterday he wrote to one of my friend saying that he still like me and he is not changed but me I don't give him chance to talk and to meet me.
Now I am in trouble, with my boyfriend i went in his house and now he is always remember me that all his Family is waiting fo our marriage. They also write me but me I try to talk as few as possible. Now he already spend some time in my house and if I will tell him to go maybe he will come back there and me I don't want to change house for him. I love my house.
He made the advertisement for the .marriage, two as for rule, but now still to prepare the document, but the advertisement has been done.
I don't know what I can do...
 

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You know what to do - end things. With both of them. And learn to be ok by yourself. Nothing will improve until you do.

Meanwhile look up emotional abuse; that is what your boyfriend is doing.
 

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Discussion Starter #50
I reflected on the situation. I feel so sad and disappointed from my boyfriend that sometimes I truly feel to tell him to stay away from me, but after I feel the pressure of this organized marriage, like I have a rope around my neck and if I try to escape it will be more tight.
Just now he wrote me telling me to buy this and that and to pick him up this time and drop him that time...seriously like I am his employee.
Now he is complaining that I will have some days of vacation and me I told him that I am also tired, I wake up at 4 am every morning and after I come back at 6 PM, after this cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking and at 12 am need to go pick him up and after only four hours I need to get up..it is tiring and especially with him that seems all for granted.
With my ex I am like keep on thinking of him, I miss him a lot , i miss all our moments, like i delete all the bad time.
Now my friend that i spoke in the previous message, invite me to go out. I would like to go but i feel bad cause i cannot say anything to my boyfriend and i feel guilty...i should be his wife soon...how? But this guy,my friend is so special, seriously, attentive, caring, nice, kind, gentle, unique...
Confusion.. I feel too much pressure from my boyfriend and his Family, like we are already married. His Family keeps on asking when we got married, they are sure we are already married and they ask for baby....
Help
 

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I reflected on the situation. I feel so sad and disappointed from my boyfriend that sometimes I truly feel to tell him to stay away from me, but after I feel the pressure of this organized marriage, like I have a rope around my neck and if I try to escape it will be more tight.

I hope you realize that if you GO THROUGH with this marriage, the rope will be completely closed around your neck. This IS NOT a good relationship for you. Getting out NOW will save you $$ and grief. You cannot let others, or fear of what they will think, rule your life. It is YOUR life, not his family, not his, not your ex's, etc.. You need to do what is right for YOU, and from what you are writing here, this really is NOT a good relationship for you. He is taking advantage of your good nature -- do NOT allow this anymore. A man has to be responsible -- he is not a man -- he is a child.

Just now he wrote me telling me to buy this and that and to pick him up this time and drop him that time...seriously like I am his employee.
Now he is complaining that I will have some days of vacation and me I told him that I am also tired, I wake up at 4 am every morning and after I come back at 6 PM, after this cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking and at 12 am need to go pick him up and after only four hours I need to get up..it is tiring and especially with him that seems all for granted.
What exactly does HE do in your relationship? What are YOU getting out of this?

With my ex I am like keep on thinking of him, I miss him a lot , i miss all our moments, like i delete all the bad time.
FORCE yourself to remember the bad stuff -- if you don't you are doomed to repeat it. REMEMBER why you are not with him. LEARN the lesson -- REALLY learn it so that you can grow and be a better you.

Now my friend that i spoke in the previous message, invite me to go out. I would like to go but i feel bad cause i cannot say anything to my boyfriend and i feel guilty...i should be his wife soon...how? But this guy,my friend is so special, seriously, attentive, caring, nice, kind, gentle, unique...
DO NOT do this -- you are with your boyfriend. Do NOT become a cheater. Break up with your boyfriend/fiance first before going out with anyone else (and even then, you need to get your self-esteem up so that other guys can't treat you like this).

Confusion.. I feel too much pressure from my boyfriend and his Family, like we are already married. His Family keeps on asking when we got married
Ask them WHEN IS HE going to pay for something? Tell them he is irresponsible and doesn't treat you well -- why would you want to marry him?
STOP letting them make you feel guilty when in all fairness it is HIS fault, not yours. THEY just want to pawn him off on you so that he becomes YOUR problem and not theirs.
, they are sure we are already married and they ask for baby....
Help
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not marry him. You need to get yourself together first before letting ANYONE else into your life. YOU are worth more than having some guy treat you like this. Again, what are YOU getting out of this relationship? STOP being an ATM, a cab driver, and a Mommy for this guy. He is not mature enough to be in a relationship with you, much less a marriage.

I could suggest that YOU get some Individual Counseling to help improve your self-esteem, and your "picker" so that you stop getting with guys that will treat you so poorly.
Very sorry that you are going through all of this -- but if you realize that you are worth more than a guy who treats you like this, you will be better off in the long run..
 

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Discussion Starter #52
Thank you for the reply that I read with lot of interest.
From this relationship I am not getting anything , almost anything. Just sometimes he acts like he is the best man in the world and he thinks to be like superman. And for sure from him.money it is not coming out, just words. He didn't even buy an engagement ring for me. He just keeps on looking at him in the mirror when we go shopping and nothing else
I am.not a cheater, I don't like cheater. But seriously going out with a friend make me a cheater?
 

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Discussion Starter #53
See I think I need a break from him, I don't even feel to see him and I also tell.him.already but he doesn't understand
 

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Danyy, you seem to be flipping from guy to guy to guy. Your BF, then your ex, then this "other guy" that you regret leaving... Do you NEED another man? Why are you not working on YOURSELF and not be with anyone right now. You need to work on your self-esteem so that you don't accept being treated like your ex and BF treat you. You need to learn to have boundaries in place that you will not let them cross. You need to read the red-flags around these guys to know they are not candidates for a Long Term Relationship. You need to stand up for yourself and NOT accept this type of behavior from someone who is supposed to love you. Do not give away your love to someone who does not deserve it.
 

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You haven't changed at all. You haven't 'reflected' on anything. You just keep repeating the same stuff over and over without CHANGING anything. How do you expect anything to improve if you change nothing and don't follow anybody's advice?
 

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Discussion Starter #57
I am sorry that I continued to write about my problem. I was feeling alone and confused so I decided to write my story here
 

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Are you looking for a solution to your pain or are you just complaining? This is a place where you can learn to CHANGE your life so that you can be happy. But nobody can do it for you. You have to be willing to change what you are doing. Since you have come here, not one single person has told you that either one of these men should be in your life, yet you won't talk about leaving them. We can't do that for you.
 

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Discussion Starter #59
It is not that I don't want to talk about leaving them, but me I am extremely sensitive and I need time. I feel bad that my heart got broken again
 

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You won't change without a plan. You can either come here and complain about how unhappy you are...and still be coming here a year from now complaining about how unhappy you are - or you can come here and ask for actual advice on what to do to get unstuck, and then take CONCRETE STEPS toward being happy.

Which do you want?
 
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