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Discussion Starter #21
Please dear member don't think bad about me...I am seriously confused and I am completely alone to face all these issues and stress
 

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Seriously I am thinking to come back to my ex
Danyy, WHY? Why do you think about going to ANY man?

You don't need a man, Danyy. It's clear you can take care of yourself, buy your own home, furnish it, feed yourself.

Why do you 'need' a man?

Work on yourself. Find a therapist and start going until you learn to love and value yourself. Stay away from men. PLEASE.
 

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Discussion Starter #24
I don't have any friend close to me to speak with.
I don't think to go to any man...for me my ex is not any man, I see him always special even if he did wrong in the way he treated me.
I am so sad cause having a good person beside me was a dream but now I feel it is vanished....
 

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Discussion Starter #25
So much angry today....I can bite someone.....my boyfriend yesterday was keeping on saying we bought house, we paied a lot of money, we buy all the furniture....excuse me...we?????????????
I .......not we......all the expenses are made by me and he is able to say we .....no shame, seriously, he didn't take out anything, just words....i am tired...I don't want to see him for some days.
I am becoming full of this situation, now after two days I will see him and I want to tell him directly, I would like to find a good way to tell him, but I don't know, I am so upset. Just because he paied money for my ticket to go to visit his Country, so it is allowed to say anything, but problem is that he paied 200 dollars and me more than 120000 dollars, small difference!!!!!!
Now still a lot of expenses all for me, and I saw one ring that I like too much since long time and he said...you don't need this...we have many other expenses....and me I answered that he needs to help me with the economical expenses...he always said yes but until now nothing...only words...
Enough also for me that I am very patient...but when it is over it is over.
 

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Thank you for your kind replies. I am so sad and lost, sometimes I would like to run to my ex but I think he is so soft now just to get back what he lost. With my new boyfriend I start to be disappointed but I don't want to be again heart broken...what I should do??
Leave them both.

Your ex boyfriend is being sentimental because you're no longer there and he misses you. But if you go back to him, after a couple weeks or months it will be the same way it always was.

Your current boyfriend is a lot like your ex boyfriend in that he takes you for granted. Have you told him you don't want to support him? What does he say? Obviously he does not care. If you are willing to give it, he is willing to take it even if he knows it is not right. Would you do that to someone? Just take from them and not give back? NO. But he will because that is the kind of person he is. It doesn't matter how much you LOVE him, that is who he is. Most men have to much pride and desire to protect their woman to do that. He does not.

You have enough money to support yourself because right now you are supporting yourself PLUS a man who is not careful how he spends. Break up with him.

Be on your own for a few months. When you feel like you are happy with or without a man, then you know you are ready to be in a relationship because you can enjoy the love and companionship but you will have standards and can walk away if he doesn't treat you right.

There will ALWAYS be another man. Do not feel desperate just because you're being treated badly. That is who he is. You do not need to accept that.
 

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Danyy, NEITHER of those men is honorable. You deserve better. If YOU won't respect yourself, and demand better, why would you expect them to treat you better?

Pack up your boyfriend's stuff, put it in storage somewhere, and tell him where to go find it. Show some strength.
 

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Discussion Starter #28
I am getting mad, seriously, every day I am getting very sad and I feel so bad. Yesterday my boyfriend was dare to say, that there is nothing that it is mine or his, everything is ours....very nice to say for someone that didn't take out even one cent from him pocket and just take advantage. Now that he is learning driving school he already told me that all his money will go for the lessons and after he needs a car so I immediately understood what he meant to say...to buy it for him.
He was always saying that my ex is failure and just took advantage cause some time he was asking me to buy for him phone charge, now it is already long time that also my actual boyfriend always ask me for the same, so??
I am tired and feed up. He didn't pay for anything and after he says...I buy...what you buy?
Seriously now he is also saying that the driving school teacher is saying he is driving very nice and he is expert...I want to laugh....he doesn't even know the basic of an engine and the wheels....I am in a bad situation.
He thinks to be superman but he is not.
I am so so sad
 

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Discussion Starter #29
Now my ex is becoming so much caring and attentive, he is telling me he still love me.....now.it is like the perfect man....
 

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About the parents of my actual boyfriend I think they are happy of our relationship cause their son he got house and everything without even spending one cents. Me when I went there they host me in their house, incredibly small (I know this is not the important), but he was saying it is more expensive that the one I bought that it is 300 square mt and that one maybe is 20 my
I am so frustrated...he made me buy even his groom dress and wedding rings (we were preparing for the wedding) , I organized all and him always with the excuses of work he didn't do anything.
I never asked the moon, but a proper man, with the Capitol M
Have you told him any of this?

That you are not happy? That you want a man who can support you, not the other way around? That he says he wants to marry you but shows no interest in the wedding? That you have realized you do NOT want to be married to a man who would let you pay all the bills PLUS pay for the wedding? You don't want to be married to a man who would run up more bills when you're sitting in the heat to save money.

If you can't say it to his face, write him a letter. Tell him the relationship is over and this is why: You are a very loving, giving person. Therefore, you need a man whose instinct is to take care of you and look out for you. To protect you from giving too much. A man who would not be able to let you pay all the bills and for the wedding.

He sounds very controlling and manipulative. You are not married yet. Do NOT marry him. This will never get better.
Please read this - does this sound like him? https://hackspirit.com/love-bombing-10-ways-narcissists-use-it-to-control-you/
 

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Both of them are USERS. They are USING YOU. One uses you by daring you to stand up to him; the other is kissing up to you SO he can use you.

Please, you are better than this. You deserve better than this.

And this guy is your boyfriend, not your husband - he doesn't get ANYTHING from your relationship, unless his name is on a contract.

What are you doing to start liking yourself more? Are you seeing a therapist? Are you going out and making female friends? Are you signing up for a class to learn something? Are you joining a group of other women for tennis or knitting or cooking or something?

NONE of this will change until YOU change.
 

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Discussion Starter #32
I read the article workingwife you kindly suggested me and with my big surprise I discover that there is many things in common with my boyfriend, except for giving a lot of gifts, thing that doesn't even pass in his mind.
The love with him started in a strange way, I was with my ex and my actual boyfriend has been always a close friend for me, we were used to talk too much and suddenly when he saw, and I was also telling him, that with my ex i had a lot of problems, suddenly he declares my love for me. Immediately I didn't believe that and I was keeping him as friend like before. Unfortunately the love with my ex was continuously going worst and we got divided, so my actual boyfriend came inside the situation and all started. He bring me home and I met his Family, he said they are happy...of course he got to stay in my house and me I pay all...his house it is not even big like one room of mine. The house big or small it is not the matter, but it is just to make understand the character he has.
I bought house, furniture and every time we go shopping I pay...I told him already also about this and he said that he understand he needs to help me, but in one minute already forget.
Many times I told him already, in a joking way, to buy jewellery for me...one time, this not as a joke, I told him that he didn't even bought a ring for our engagement and him just smile....at least my ex the ring he bought. Now for everything I bought he starts to say...I bought this and that...what you bought? Nothing..not even your socks....man without shame.
I never asked anything to anybody, I am not that kind of person, but i like also that someone that care of me, not only me i need to take care of others.
For marriage I am the one who organized everything, him just sitting and justify himself telling he is working, me I had some vacation but I work as well and in the days of vacation I got fully busy, so no relax and I was doing like his taxi, I needed to drop and pick him up from work.
In house he is really messy and me I get angry, this is my house and I love it, I put all my financial resources in it and it was my dream. He just throw things and me I cannot see this.
Every day I need to tell him not to use continuously the air conditioning cause the electicity bill will be high, but he doesn't care and he says that he needs cause he feels hot and when I said that until now in his house he never had air conditioning and just now they put, he says that they had cooler....I am tired...seriously tired. When I love I give everything, I am like that, this is my character. I already suffered a lot in my life, I need to be happy now
I don't tolerate his behaviour and even listening when he says my house...what?????????? Or saying all is ours...yes and him what he bring? He doesn't have even clothes...he has four pants, six shorts, four shirts, two shirts, two bath towels, some underwear and socks and four pairs of shoes...this is normal??
He wants to decide things in my house, I don't need anyone doing like this. He wants to teach me how to do this ot that, cause in his house they do like this or that.
Now that he is learning how to drive he wants to correct me, but me I am driving since years, him he doesn't have even the licence. He is full of himself. We go supermarket and every mirror he goes and look to himself, maybe to say congratulation for him.
I am getting feed up of all of this. He never did anything of house works and he wants to teach me, but in all his life he never did. If I wash cutlery or plates he come to check and after he says it is dirty...him, if I go work he doesn't even rinse his cup, but better like this, anyway in the way he does it is not proper.
Now he is saying he needs a big car, I guess to show like he is rich and strong man....but if he will have car will not come from his pocket but this nobody will know, he will make himself like a king....
Now every time he is away from some days I am so happy and I don't miss him at all ...I am so confused and worried...I am alone and I don't have moral support
 

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Now my ex is becoming so much caring and attentive, he is telling me he still love me.....now.it is like the perfect man....
Of course. This is because you are getting fed up and he can sense it and he does not want to lose you because you let him use you and you are meek and don't object.

The things he does are very manipulative and controlling. Taking you to see his family so you feel guilty if you leave him because they think so highly of you. Claiming in public that the two of you bought this or that when it was you, so you again feel embarrassed to say anything. Telling you everything is "ours" like HE is generous when YOU have paid for everything?

I am getting so angry at YOU for allowing this because you totally remind me of ME. IN THE PAST. I knew I was being mistreated and used, but I didn't know what to do about it. I didn't want to hurt or embarrass my husband so I went along with the game that everything I paid for was OURS. Meanwhile he just kept running up debt. I was so lost and confused -- I would say but HOW can I leave him? And people would say "You just DO IT." And I would think "But HOW? I can't just DO that..." And then one day I JUST DID IT. It was NOT easy, but I DID it, I DID it, I DID it!!!! And now I am free and happy. Unfortunately I waited until I was in my 50's and even though I made a lot of money compared to many, I have nothing but debt because he spent everything and more.

Don't let these men control you. Get out and do what Turnera says - be on your own for awhile. I met a great guy right away but was hesitant to get serious. HE WAITED because he really liked me. THEN one day I realized that I was happy with him but also perfectly fine and happy withOUT him. That was when I knew I could get serious again, because I know if things go downhill, I can walk away. I really feel like things are going to work out BECAUSE I respect myself more now and because of that he respects me too. Guys in the past never respected me because there was something desperate about me, even though I was a really nice person and treated them great. I was still pathetic and that is not TRULY attractive to anyone. If he does not have to WORK to keep you, he is not going to respect you.

You can see what is wrong -- you are weak and fall for men who use you. This is YOUR life. DO something about it.

I would read up on NARCISSISM. Both your guys, definitely this current one, sound like narcissists to me. You can NEVER be happy with a narcissist no matter HOW much YOU love on them.
 

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Why don't you believe you deserve to be treated well? What was your childhood like? Are women just used or ignored in your culture? One of my daughter's friends is from Korea, and her parents expected the world of her - A's in school, become a doctor, do all the housework - while they treated her brother like he was a prince - let him play video games all day, brought him his food, never expected anything from him. That girl ended up having a nervous breakdown and throwing everything away (school, career), because she couldn't handle being used. When all she had to do was learn to say no.
 

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Discussion Starter #35
My childhood had been very difficult, I can say it had been destroyed completely. I missed all.my childhood, I don't know what is being a child. I was hoping to receive love now that I am adult but still I am suffering, so I don't know.
I don't belong to a place where women are not treated good, i am from Europe but i live abroad, even in this country ladies are treated properly, but my boyfriend make me disappointed.
He thinks to be i don't know what...he things to be perfect but..i am feed up and so so sad
 

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My childhood had been very difficult, I can say it had been destroyed completely. I missed all.my childhood, I don't know what is being a child. I was hoping to receive love now that I am adult but still I am suffering, so I don't know.
I don't belong to a place where women are not treated good, i am from Europe but i live abroad, even in this country ladies are treated properly, but my boyfriend make me disappointed.
He thinks to be i don't know what...he things to be perfect but..i am feed up and so so sad
Sorry if I already told you this. He really sounds like a narcissist, I would google that. Narcissists are obsessed with their appearance/impression. They would pretend they bought things you bought in front of others. They would have to have a nice car so they look successful. And they are often very uncaring. Deep down they care only about themselves, so they will run the AC when you can't afford it, because they care that they are comfortable. They don't care how you will pay your bills. Everything is about their comfort, their happiness, their image.

I am confused. You say you DO talk to him about not paying for anything and he says he will but then he "forgets." How can he "forget" unless you step in and pay? Say you went out to dinner and he was going to pay, but then when the bill comes, he just sits there, expecting you to pay. Do you just pay it and feel resentful? If you have already talked to him about this I would just pick the bill up and put it in front of him. Then just sit there forever chatting with him until he breaks down and pays the bill or tries to get you to pay it. I would also have "forgotten" your wallet, so there is no way you can pay it.

But my point is, if you have talked to him about this, why are you still paying?

He sounds extremely controlling. EXTREMELY. He knows you have low self esteem and don't like confrontation, so he gaslights you by telling blatant lies to your face about him paying for things, and other lies. He knows you won't call him on it because he feels he has you under his thumb.

Please do not marry him. If you can't just break up with him (He has his own home, you should be able to.) Then at the very least I would tell him you have discovered you don't have any money to pay for the wedding. And just see what he does. I doubt he'll pay so it should at least buy you some time to get up the nerve to dump him.
 

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So you try to find men who will treat you the way you wish your parents had treated you. Do you realize that's impossible? The ONLY solution you have to be happy is to be alone - for now - and learn to love yourself. Learn that love that you never got as a child from your parents.

Are you seeing a therapist?
 

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Sweetheart, do not marry this man. This should be the happiness time in your life. Falling in love, getting engaged, and being so sure you want to spend your life with the person, such joy and happiness is the way it should be. I’m not saying everything should be perfect, but it should NOT be the way you describe it.

Let him go. You will find a good match, but these two were not him. And that is ok!
 

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Discussion Starter #39
Hello everybody, I truly appreciate all your messages and please don't stop writing me, I need your suggestions and your support, please.
Yesterday I had a fight with my boyfriend cause he was saying that immediately after marriage we need to have a baby and me I said that I prefer wait for some time, so he started saying that if I will be not pregnant in the first month after marriage, his Family will start to ask....but ask what? They are not the one that need to make baby...what is this??
So after that he started to say that to make a baby we need to have a lot of money for him or her and me I said that if I wait to be rich I will.never have a baby. I told him that a baby needs food and love, baby doesn't need iPhone or these kind of super expensive stuff...but him cannot understand.
At least yesterday he recognize that I am the one that did everything...but him he feels to be superman and today again order for tomorrow...I need to go to pick him up after work....me too I work and I work for sure harder than him.
I am so tired....him he is I don't know...
From the other side my ex is so tender he makes me feel that I want him back...
What to do??
 
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