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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited by Moderator)
⁵Hello everybody, I am new in this interesting forum. Let me thank you to accept me as member of this group.

I am so sad and cracked....I should marry my boyfriend in really few time but sometimes I feel to escape from him.

I know him since two years, but i started a relationship with him since few months, before I had another relationship that I broke up.

My boyfriend knows me very well, we had always been used to talk too much about everything and he was the one that was suggesting me whenever I was encountering any issues. He told me that he always loved me but he never spoke cause of the other guy that was with me.

My previous boyfriend had been with me for almost two years, I loved him a lot and I never wanted to break up, but he was taking me for granted and he never spoke to his Family about me, he was taking advantage.

The other guy, my actual boyfriend and was like the perfect man, he already also introduced me to his Family, but, seriously, now I started to be confused, he puts all the economical effort on me and he is very lazy.

I bought the house, furniture all by my money and him just take benefit. Whenever we go supermarket I am the one that must pay. He is not concerning about how much energy we spent he just open air condition without thinking, cause he is not the one who pay.

This make me disappointed and plus now my ex is writing very sweetly, I saw him and I feel like dying, I think to him a lot.

What do you think? What I should do?
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Thank you for your kind replies. I am so sad and lost, sometimes I would like to run to my ex but I think he is so soft now just to get back what he lost. With my new boyfriend I start to be disappointed but I don't want to be again heart broken...what I should do??
 

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Go back to your ex, and it will definitely be "second verse, same as the first!"

Mature and stay away from him and let yourself meet new people! You are being severely mistreated by this ex!

You don't need that!
 

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So, your choices are either a man who is USING you for your money, your home, your work as his made/sex partner/mother - or else a man who's willing to steal another man's girlfriend?

You have a third choice. Leave them both behind and get on with your life on your own. You don't need a man to be happy. In fact, you need to learn to be happy by yourself BEFORE you select a partner.
 

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Discussion Starter #9 (Edited by Moderator)
Hello everybody, so what you mean to say it is that my ex just used me for money and for physical needs and that my actual boyfriend is just a ................(I cannot write the word, cause it will be not good), that caught a girl already with one of his friend.

My ex yesterday called me and I felt so bad, I listen his voice and I remembered all the moments we spent together and when he asked me if I love the other guy I just keep shut up, cause it was coming to say I love you to him, especially when he was saying that he loves me.

He said he is spoiling his life cause of me, but me I always did my best for him I never miss anything for him, but him he misses many things for me.

The new guy he keeps on saying he loves me since he met me, but he never spoke cause I was with the other man,, now he plans to
marry me, but seriously i am terribly confused, my life is like stucked.

Maybe you are right that both they don't deserve me, but unfortunately me I always put everyone above me and I forget myself, that's why I need your help to solve this issue and start to be happy.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I feel so much this psychological pressure and as I am so soft I suffer a lot. Like it makes me suffer that my actual boyfriend puts on me all the economical effort, I bought house, furniture without any of his help and if we go to the supermarket who needs to pay it is me only. He didn't even gave me an engagement ring, and for the marriage all the expenses are on my shoulders. In house he doesn't pay attention to save energy anyway bill will be not on him and when he is not there just to save energy I don't use the ac and I sweat like I don't know.....I am so.so sad
 

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NO man should expect a woman to support him financially, unless he is medically handicapped. And no woman should be willing to do it.

Danyy, this isn't a problem with the men. It's a problem with you. You have no self esteem. You don't love yourself. You think you don't deserve a decent man, so you keep letting horrible men take advantage of you.

Like I said, what you really need to do is break up with your boyfriend, have him move out or you move out, and tell your ex that you will no longer be in contact with him.

Then spend the next year alone. Give yourself ONE YEAR before you go out with any man. Spend that year getting to know yourself, know what you're capable of. Find a psychologist and start seeing her twice a month. Take some classes. Join a club in some activity you like to do, and get great at it. Make some new female friends in those classes or clubs and start hanging out with them. Read some books on psychology and self esteem. I would start with Healing The Shame That Binds You and also The Dance Of Anger. After you read those, read His Needs Her Needs, which will teach you what a healthy relationship looks like, and what you should be demanding in a relationship - what you should LEAVE a man for, if he won't meet your needs.

Do these things and I guarantee that by the time you start dating again, you'll be a strong, confident woman who will stop attracting loser men.
 

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Perhaps you are overvaluing what you don’t have and undervaluing what you do.
Or Perhaps your past is meant to be just that, a lesson learned.
Leave new guy before it gets any deeper.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Thank You all for the kind answers you gave me, I truly appreciate all of them and I recognize that I don't have enough love for myself.
About the suggestion not to go deeper with the new guy, I guess it is a little but late, he already introduced me to his Family and now he is telling to everyone that he will marry me, some time I got angry for this.
One more suggestions please, so both of them are not good for me??
 

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Thank You all for the kind answers you gave me, I truly appreciate all of them and I recognize that I don't have enough love for myself.
About the suggestion not to go deeper with the new guy, I guess it is a little but late, he already introduced me to his Family and now he is telling to everyone that he will marry me, some time I got angry for this.
One more suggestions please, so both of them are not good for me??
How old are you?
How old are they?
It's only to late if you marry him.
That's up to you. But You should not, the way you feel at this moment, there will be major issues in the future.
 

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Thank You all for the kind answers you gave me, I truly appreciate all of them and I recognize that I don't have enough love for myself.
About the suggestion not to go deeper with the new guy, I guess it is a little but late, he already introduced me to his Family and now he is telling to everyone that he will marry me, some time I got angry for this.
One more suggestions please, so both of them are not good for me??
No, it is NOT too late. It's not even too late to leave man after you're married, for heaven's sake. Just tell him to move out. Text his parents and inform them that you have changed your mind and you won't be marrying their son. You're not a prisoner, Danyy. You're a whole, complete human being with her own needs and her own rights. And for Pete's sake, YOU PAY FOR EVERYTHING - you're completely capable of being on your own without that man who uses your own stuff and money.

And yes, BOTH OF THEM are not good for you?

I'm curious to know why you think either of them is worth having as a partner? What are YOU getting out of these men?
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Good question, why I think they are good enough for me...cause when I love I do until the smallest piece of my bones, I love in a blind way, I give everything and I love very deeply, so I always think they are right and me I am wrong
I am 33 years old and my ex is 28 and my actual boyfriend is 23, I know we have 10 years difference, but this it is not the matter, one of my friend is 34 and her husband 24, they recently got a baby and they are so happy together
Why me I cannot find a good man for me??
 

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Discussion Starter #17
About the parents of my actual boyfriend I think they are happy of our relationship cause their son he got house and everything without even spending one cents. Me when I went there they host me in their house, incredibly small (I know this is not the important), but he was saying it is more expensive that the one I bought that it is 300 square mt and that one maybe is 20 my
I am so frustrated...he made me buy even his groom dress and wedding rings (we were preparing for the wedding) , I organized all and him always with the excuses of work he didn't do anything.
I never asked the moon, but a proper man, with the Capitol M
 

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Good question, why I think they are good enough for me...cause when I love I do until the smallest piece of my bones, I love in a blind way, I give everything and I love very deeply, so I always think they are right and me I am wrong
I am 33 years old and my ex is 28 and my actual boyfriend is 23, I know we have 10 years difference, but this it is not the matter, one of my friend is 34 and her husband 24, they recently got a baby and they are so happy together
What you describe is called "unconditional love" and it's considered the worst thing you can do in a relationship. It's good for kids, but not for husbands. Why? Because you two go into an arrangement that is for benefit for BOTH of you. In other words, you should only be meeting his needs AS LONG AS he is ALSO meeting YOUR needs.

Currently, you aren't getting any benefit from this Danyy. And you're getting nothing from your ex but promises - from a man who's willing to steal another man's woman. What makes you think he won't cheat on you, too?

And I ALWAYS tell people to not get serious with anyone who is younger than 25 because your brain doesn't stop developing until around age 25. In other words, you're basically dating a teenager.

Why me I cannot find a good man for me??
I've already told you why. Because you don't love yourself. If YOU don't love yourself, how can you expect a man to love you? If YOU don't respect yourself, why should some man respect you?

So what happens is that because you accept horrible treatment, that's the kind of men attracted to you - men who treat you horribly.

Here's an example. My daughter, who never doubted her own worth, who knew she deserved a great guy, had a two-strike rule. If a guy messed up, for example didn't show up for a date, she would give him ONE MORE CHANCE. If he didn't show up for a date a second time, even if she liked him, she would tell him she would not go out with him again, would not give him another chance. That's what having self respect looks like in action.

In your case, you should try telling your boyfriend that you expect him to pay for dates moving forward. The first time he refuses to pay, you tell him you won't go out with him again until he puts up the money first. That's what self respect and self love looks like.
 

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About the parents of my actual boyfriend I think they are happy of our relationship cause their son he got house and everything without even spending one cents. Me when I went there they host me in their house, incredibly small (I know this is not the important), but he was saying it is more expensive that the one I bought that it is 300 square mt and that one maybe is 20 my
I am so frustrated...he made me buy even his groom dress and wedding rings (we were preparing for the wedding) , I organized all and him always with the excuses of work he didn't do anything.
I never asked the moon, but a proper man, with the Capitol M
Danyy, read this out loud to yourself. Tell me ONE REASON this man is worth dating. Just one.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Why I am so weak??????
I saw in my new boyfriend thr perfect man that was doing what my ex was not doing, but this situation has been very short, now my boyfriend is becoming a man that just simply take advantage on me.
My ex boyfriend now he is so nice and he makes me thinking that I should stay with him, but i need to remember all the bad words he said to me and even now he is saying that me i didn't loved him and he was just a name in my list...with all what i did for him i cannot understand how he can talk like this
My actual boyfriend is becoming like no more the one i need, now that he is far for some days I don't miss him and I don't even feel to talk with him. Before was my ex doing my voice to take joke on me, now also my boyfriend is doing....the Family of my boyfriend is writing and calling me every day but as per the actual situation is becoming something very annoying. Seriously I am thinking to come back to my ex, but even in this case I don't know how can I do as I need to delete this time with my current boyfriend.
 
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