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Discussion Starter #1
Hello everyone.

I found this community while searching online. My husband and I were recently rocked with the shocking news that our son-in-law has been cheating on our daughter, our only child. She is moving forward with divorce, as he has admitted to the adultery and has no interest whatsoever in trying to save their marriage. She is devastated by his betrayal, and she is disgusted by his behavior, as the other woman is married with very young children (her husband has filed for divorce on the fault ground of adultery, too).

Divorce is a new concept for my husband and me as we have been married a long time, but we realize "it happens." We are trying to help our daughter navigate this process, to be as supportive as possible without being overbearing, with the hope she will be able to move forward from this terrible situation that she did not see coming.
 

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Sorry to hear that. Does she have any children or any reason to maintain contact with him after the divorce?

Perhaps recommend your daughter create an account here so she can get direct advice. This can be a long and strenuous process. Unfortunately, it's a story that we've seen way too many times.
 

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All you can do is be supportive and make her an appointment to see a counselor. The painful blow of infidelity is bad enough, but most people also blame themselves and think they somehow caused the cheating. Not to mention her husband might be laying some awful guilt trips on her in order to deflect his own guilt. It rips a person's self-esteem apart, and they question themselves and the history of their whole marriage. A counselor can help her with all that better than you can.

In the meantime, she needs some things to feel good about, some things to make her smile. If you and she are close, take her to see some funny movies, a play, or a musical. Maybe recruit some of her girlfriends to get her out of the house for girls' day out. She won't want to do any of these things if she's very sad and unhappy right now, so she will need convincing, if not practically forced.

Betrayed spouses are bound to feel alone and isolated. She probably feels like she's the only one in the world this has happened to even though she knows that she isn't. She needs support from others like herself and to be able to express herself among people with the same experience, so you can direct her to ChumpLady.com. Ask her to read through the articles and to download Tracy's book "Leave A Cheater, Gain A Life." She needs the education and the camaraderie the site offers. But I think you should admonish her the site is for her understanding and recovery and to then move on from it. I personally think it's a bad idea that the many of the people there live that site complaining for years and years, never letting go and moving on from their betrayal. She might go back to it from time to time but not good to replace her current wallowing with that one. It will be great for the time being though.

Other than that, just hug your daughter and let her know she is loved, that she's worthy of love and loyalty, and that his cheating had absolutely nothing to do with her.
 

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Sorry to hear this..

America's children divorce all the time. I caught my son in law 'dating' another woman.

This was ~13 years ago.

We had done a lot for the, the, SOB bozo. We gifted him money to start a business, plus much more.

He was very well educated, smart, good looking, he was on his way up.

When he lost my older daughter he headed down and fast.

He also had a mean streak in him and he made some direct threats to DD. I paid him a visit and made sure the threats ceased, pronto.

Our daughter remarried a successful man and they are doing fine in every measure.

Life moves on just fine. This is just bumps in the road.

I feel sorry for your daughter, especially if she had feeling for the jerk. That is the hard part.





[THM]- THRD
 

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Is it possible that your errant SIL fathered the child/children of his affair partner?

Your daughter must not blame herself--his choices, his infidelity. Sometimes those with a religious background feel a false guilt--don't let her do this.

'Tis better to find out early than later. Those who cheat usually continue to do so--his lack of morals would have shown up in many ways.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Hire the best lawyer that can be afforded.
She debated which way to go with legal representation - (1) a firm with a high price tag retainer with attorneys known for making a courtroom splash; or (2) a solo practicing attorney, with a lot of successful experience in the local chancery court system - not flashy, but effective and with a reasonable price tag. She went with the solo practicing attorney, because she lives in a state that allows alienation of affection lawsuits, and she is considering a civil suit against the woman.

Sorry to hear that. Does she have any children or any reason to maintain contact with him after the divorce?
No children. Thank goodness.

Perhaps recommend your daughter create an account here so she can get direct advice. This can be a long and strenuous process. Unfortunately, it's a story that we've seen way too many times.
Great idea, and I will tell her.

Is it possible that your errant SIL fathered the child/children of his affair partner?

Oh, no. The children of his affair partner were born prior to their meeting.

Your daughter must not blame herself--his choices, his infidelity. Sometimes those with a religious background feel a false guilt--don't let her do this.

'Tis better to find out early than later. Those who cheat usually continue to do so--his lack of morals would have shown up in many ways.
Absolutely. Apparently neither he nor his "married girlfriend" have a moral compass. Good luck to them. What is the saying, "if they cheat with you, they will cheat on you?" Maybe there are exceptions to that generalization...
 
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