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My wife and I have been married for 28 years. I am 68; she is 63. It’s my second marriage, her third. Together we have four kids; one hers, two mine, and one ours. All the kids are married with families, busy lives of their own, and are doing well. They’re not an issue or source of stress for us. My wife and I are both retired college educated professionals . We have plenty of financial resources to live comfortably. We have time to do what we want to do. We have lots of friends, are socially active and we stay busy. The problem is, we almost never have sex of any type, and it’s been that way for many years.

I admit it was difficult when we were younger. I worked outside the home 60 -70 hours a week. She managed our home, managed our social schedule, dealt with kids and aging parents who are now all gone, and worked part time. But retirement has not brought a return of sexual activity that I mistakenly hoped it might. We’ve totally gotten out of the habit of intimacy. Our marriage is now a successful partnership between long term friends. We are no longer lovers. Having married later in life, and having both been married before, sex was enjoyable but never a novelty for us, and never frequent. In the early years I begged for it, but was turned down countless times. She was always too tired, had a headache, had her period, had to work, take care of kids, take care of parents; whatever. There were a thousand excuses; many of them understandable and valid. I eventually gave up trying. She lost 99% of her interest in sex after going through menopause, and refused to even discuss the topic. She told me to quit bringing it up, and that she was “permanently too tired and done with it.” So 99% of the sex I’ve had over the last 15 years has come from masturbation. I enjoy masturbation (always have) and find it to be a convenient and satisfying way to fill the sexual void in my life. I accepted that void for a long time. The older I get, however, the less inclined I am to accept the situation as permanent. We are both in good health and I think there is no physical reason we couldn’t have a reasonable sex life for years to come.

I am not interested in straying from the marriage simply to satisfy my ongoing physical needs. I don’t want to hurt an old friend, and certainly want to avoid the risk of divorce. Been there, done that once, and it wasn’t pretty.

Would be interested in any observations or suggestions any of you would offer. Thank you in advance.
 

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Wow. I am sorry you going through this. I always though by that time (28 years of marriage) and obviously dealt with the raising of the kids and all the stress that can bring to a marriage would get easier.
 

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Where there is a will there is a way.

The real question is, Does she have the will?
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