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Jessica, you are the exception, not the norm.
As much as I love thinking I'm special, I have to say that I know quite a few other moms who take pride in their appearance and their families! Maybe it's location-based? But I'm sure many of you are in urban/upscale areas too? I find the SAHM crowd to be quite competitive, actually, meaning that many of us strive to be "perfect" moms and wives, almost to a fault....
 

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I would like to hear about the wife's actual schedule.

Also, about when the sex went bad.

What does she do all day, do the kids have any structure in their life, and why is she so tired? If one gives the kids structure, discipline, and consistency---they aren't that hard to handle. You have to work at it. I'm a single parent of three. I know it can be stressful. But it shouldn't be THAT stressful, of one does the right things.

There is another reason she's not wanting sex, and it's not because she's tired.

I do t know that she's cheating. She may have just gotten lazy and depressed.

One doesn't fall asleep every night upstairs unless they want to.
These are all choices. Her husband is nothing more than a breadwinner now. She places no other value on him, or she'd be spending some time with him after the kids are asleep and wanting to sleep with him. She doesn't.

OP needs to find out WHY.
Cheating should not be out of the question, but I have zero reason to think that at this point.
This could be so helpful, I'd like to hear the schedule too. I know when ours were little, I had a routine that the kids LOVED and it meant they were in bed lights out by 7:30pm. My husband and I had 2 hours to ourselves each night. We actually were closer then with young children than when they grew older and had to start staying up later due to evening practices/extracurriculars.
 

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As much as I love thinking I'm special, I have to say that I know quite a few other moms who take pride in their appearance and their families! Maybe it's location-based? But I'm sure many of you are in urban/upscale areas too? I find the SAHM crowd to be quite competitive, actually, meaning that many of us strive to be "perfect" moms and wives, almost to a fault....
I wish your experience was equal to mine with regard to SAHM's.
 

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Recently my wife has also been going upstairs when our son goes to sleep, snuggling in our bed with him and the two of them falling asleep together. When the topic of our sex life, or lack there of, comes up I tell her how it's near impossible because she's always going to sleep early with him in our bed. We have talked about it and she's told me how she's stressed from work, stressed from the issues in our marriage and just always feels tired. She's told me that laying in bed with our son snuggling and watching TV is comforting to her and makes her feel at peace. Well then of course I brought up how she could snuggle and fall asleep with me too, but that just seemed to irritate her a little and she said it wasn't the same and I wouldn't understand.

Talking with some people and reading some post on here it's the same for us men, some times you just go through periods where you just want to be left alone. Like there is a certain peace of just going upstairs or into another room and falling asleep by yourself. There are no expectations that the person next to you wants you to snuggle or cuddle or talk or have sex, it's just you and your thoughts and that's it. Granted if this behavior goes on for a long period of time then I would start to get concerned. My wife behaved like this for about a month or two, she had even passed comments if I went up to bed earlier than usual just wanting to be with her a little like "Why are you coming up already?", but that's all stopped now. She does still like for our son to fall asleep snuggling with her, but it's usually the 3 of us watching TV together. The sex life still hasn't improved much but the overall attitude and behavior have so we'll see how things go.
 
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