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I lurked here back in 2010 after my divorce.
After a long recovery, I began dating again and met a wonderful women in 2014. We've been together very happily until about last spring when things seemed off with her.
Two weeks ago we had a rare heated argument in the phone and she's cut off all communication with me.
I've heard through a mutual friend that she's done.
I'm stunned, Suspected something was going on and tried to ask a few times, she felt distant and very unlike the girl I knew. I think there may be extenuating circumstances and this is not all about me. She's 53 (I'm 51) and I knew she was suffering from perimenopause, she's not gotten a good night's sleep for about a year. She has an 18 year old that just had a second seizure, super stressed at her job, just moved to save money, she's broke as hell and doesn't make the best money decisions. Her oldest daughter 21, moved out this year, a rough relationship with her mother. And a week before she stopped communication I found out she was on depression meds and had been seeing a counselor for a year.
She didn't tell me about that.
The poor thing is going through hell and I love her so much, I didn't put it all together until recently.
I want to see me as her ally not her enemy. But I'm afraid it's too late.
I can talk more about this later, I'm at work.
Thank you for listening.
I am devastated.
 

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6,460 Posts
I lurked here back in 2010 after my divorce.
After a long recovery, I began dating again and met a wonderful women in 2014. We've been together very happily until about last spring when things seemed off with her.
Two weeks ago we had a rare heated argument in the phone and she's cut off all communication with me.
I've heard through a mutual friend that she's done.
I'm stunned, Suspected something was going on and tried to ask a few times, she felt distant and very unlike the girl I knew. I think there may be extenuating circumstances and this is not all about me. She's 53 (I'm 51) and I knew she was suffering from perimenopause, she's not gotten a good night's sleep for about a year. She has an 18 year old that just had a second seizure, super stressed at her job, just moved to save money, she's broke as hell and doesn't make the best money decisions. Her oldest daughter 21, moved out this year, a rough relationship with her mother. And a week before she stopped communication I found out she was on depression meds and had been seeing a counselor for a year.
She didn't tell me about that.
The poor thing is going through hell and I love her so much, I didn't put it all together until recently.
I want to see me as her ally not her enemy. But I'm afraid it's too late.
I can talk more about this later, I'm at work.
Thank you for listening.
I am devastated.
You are coming up with every excuse under the sun for why she seems to have broken up with you and every one of them is going to end with you playing the White Knight and coming to rescue the damsel in distress.
Except that this isn’t Disney and you aren’t paying attention.
If she wants to reach out she will,if she doesn’t she won’t.
You are 51 not 21. Stop wasting your life on someone who doesn’t want you.
Maybe she will come back but don’t be sitting around waiting for her.
It looks weak and pathetic and not what she wants or needs.
 

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You are 51. Did you learn anything out of your divorce experience? Didn't it teach you to look up for yourself? Didn't it teach you to have some pride and dignity as an individual? Didn't you learn that when a woman cuts you off you should have the dignity to just accept it and move on?

Your trying by any mean to excuse her and be her KISA says a lot about your self worth. Move on man. There's plenty of fishes in the wide open world; unless you think that that's the best that you could do. Is it?
 

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You can't fix this (OR HER) by yourself. If she is gone, no matter WHAT is causing it, you aren't going to be able to make it better. Think about how MUCH she hid from you in the past year -- COUNSELING, MEDS for depression?? The fact that she hid all that is a pretty big red flag. I think she is NOT the person you think she is.

Very sorry you are going through this.
 

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I lurked here back in 2010 after my divorce.
After a long recovery, I began dating again and met a wonderful women in 2014. We've been together very happily until about last spring when things seemed off with her.
Two weeks ago we had a rare heated argument in the phone and she's cut off all communication with me.
I've heard through a mutual friend that she's done.
I'm stunned, Suspected something was going on and tried to ask a few times, she felt distant and very unlike the girl I knew. I think there may be extenuating circumstances and this is not all about me. She's 53 (I'm 51) and I knew she was suffering from perimenopause, she's not gotten a good night's sleep for about a year. She has an 18 year old that just had a second seizure, super stressed at her job, just moved to save money, she's broke as hell and doesn't make the best money decisions. Her oldest daughter 21, moved out this year, a rough relationship with her mother. And a week before she stopped communication I found out she was on depression meds and had been seeing a counselor for a year.
She didn't tell me about that.
The poor thing is going through hell and I love her so much, I didn't put it all together until recently.
I want to see me as her ally not her enemy. But I'm afraid it's too late.
I can talk more about this later, I'm at work.
Thank you for listening.
I am devastated.
No offense but with all those problems she has I have to wonder if you are the classic white knight. One of the things that white knights don't seem to learn is the knight always gets killed in the end. You need to look into this, why you are doing this. I find most white knighting is done because the knight doesn't feel worthy unless they are knighting. In other words, if I do all these things for this person they have to love me. That is not a good way to see ones self or a relationship. It takes away power, self worth and agency. It leaves you susceptible to abuse like being ghosted. It also leads you to relationships with broken people because healthy people don't need white knights, they need partners. Which leads to my next point.

The way one conducts one's life is a good indication of how they will conduct a relationship. Meaning someone who struggles in life with things she can control like making poor money choices will have behaviors that often reflect in other kinds of choices like cutting someone off without word. All these things speak to her character which is the number one indicator of who they are and will be as a person and in a relationship.

Next time try dating someone who has got her life together.
 
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