Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 16 of 16 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
29 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Today, after a week of problems due to my fiance's addiction to drugs, he decided to go his seperate way because he did not want my help fixing his problem. I am at a loss for words, our anniversary was this week...I thought for sure I would be more important then his drugs, but apparently was not. I'm trying to be strong but my son is already asking questions & idk what to do....any suggestions on how to make it not hurt, I know it takes time but...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
295 Posts
First rule of addiction, nothing is more important than the drug. Second rule - there is only one rule. You thought wrong. If you want to consider staying together, just be aware that once an addict always an addict. Sorry for sounding so bunt, that's the reality - he will never be cured. Ask yourself if you can handle that, be honest - if not, his leaving is a favor to you. I am an expert in this subject...
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
28 Posts
Sorry for your loss. I lost my wife to booze. You have to realize there is nothing you can do to help him until he wants to help himself.

Take this time to work on yourself to heal.

Good luck.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
66 Posts
There is absolutely nothing you can do to make him change until he is ready for it. And if and when he is ready, it will always be a battle.

When someone has an addiction, there is nothing that is more important than that addiction. Marriages, kids, jobs, material things, all go out the window when the addiction is there.

You need to constantly remind yourself that there is nothing you could have said or done to make him chose you over his addiction.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
29 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Well atleast it is nothing I did wrong, besides wanting him to get better....he knew from the very get go that drugs were an automatic deal breaker. He gave up drinking for me early in our relationship, because I have been a single mom since 17 & I've never partied or experimented with drugs. But he waited until 5 & 1/2 years into our relationship to start the drugs, & it hurts...bad. I got out of an abusive marriage & it wasn't even this hard. I already have emotional problems from that & I do not want anymore. I'm trying to be strong for my son....I just keep telling myself me & my son will be okay & praying for strength because at this point it is all I can do, I won't sit back & let drugs be more important then we are...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
66 Posts
Well atleast it is nothing I did wrong, besides wanting him to get better....he knew from the very get go that drugs were an automatic deal breaker. He gave up drinking for me early in our relationship, because I have been a single mom since 17 & I've never partied or experimented with drugs. But he waited until 5 & 1/2 years into our relationship to start the drugs, & it hurts...bad. I got out of an abusive marriage & it wasn't even this hard. I already have emotional problems from that & I do not want anymore. I'm trying to be strong for my son....I just keep telling myself me & my son will be okay & praying for strength because at this point it is all I can do, I won't sit back & let drugs be more important then we are...
It sounds like you have a good perspective on yourself. Sometime when addiction is involved, it can ruin the persons self esteem because we feel like we should be enough or that we didn't try hard enough. Im glad you don't think that and it sounds like you know what to do.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
29 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I used to think that, before I knew what he was actually doing I was in a horrible mess. Then I found out what he was doing, & I was like ok it wasn't me all this time. But after he left because I told him he needed to make a decision, I felt like I wasn't enough at first. But after I put my son to sleep last night, I laid in my room crying, trying to figure it out, then I just got mad at how ignorant he was, & realized it was his loss not mine, & am trying hard to keep telling myself that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
496 Posts
It is his loss. He is sick and you can't make him better. Making him leave was the right choice. You dont want a child growing up in that environment.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
137 Posts
If you don't mind me asking what kind of drugs? I have a past with pain killers and heroin and I found sobriety through a medication called suboxone. It transitioned me so that I suffered no withdraw symptoms, have been clean since.

Now the most important thing in all of this is he does need to want to quit, but most addicts don't quit in fear of withdraw so maybe it gives you a little hope?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
29 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
No, I don't. & I won't let my son grow up in that kind of enviroment. I've always put my son first & I always will, he knew that going into our relationship, & he put my son 1st also, even through his addiction he has still put my son 1st.....but from what I've read the effects the drugs have get worse with time....& I'm not sticking around for that
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
29 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
His problem started a few years back, he had surgery & the doctor put him on roxycodone or whatever, when that doctor retired he referred him to a new doctor who said amputation or pain medicine was his only choice & dropped him down to Percocet. His body is addicted to the other's. He wants to quit his addiction but is scared, or he was either good at forcing up tears telling me that...idk which
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
137 Posts
Please google suboxone, this could save his life. What he is taking is opiates and there are LOTS of people walking around now who are functioning addicts, more than you could imagine.

I have been in his shoes. You have to understand what it feels like to withdraw from this. Your body goes into cold sweats, chills, nausia and diarrhea, feeling like wanting to tear your skin off.
Now think the only thing he knows is what makes him not feel that way, the pills.

Please look up this medication and show him. Tell him he will feel no withdraw symptoms, to very minor nothing like going cold turkey.

I used to take all that stuff.. Roxys, Oxys, straight morphine, it's a very ugly life and once someone gets sucked in its hard to get out.

This really could save his life.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
29 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I have researched Suboxone, we used it at the detox center I worked at. I sent him a email about it, I pray he will read it & maybe get some help. I've tried everything, & he knows the risks because his brother OD'ed when he was younger, but he ignores it. But I will keep trying, even though he picked his addiction over me I do still love him & want him better.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11 Posts
I am so sorry that you are going through this.

My father was an addict.

I grew up with it....coke, speed, pills, heroine, booze then oxys at his end.
I loved him, but I refused to sit by and watch him kill himself.

An addict is an addict. The only thing that can make them change is the desire within them to want to change.

Stay strong for you and your son. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
29 Posts
Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I'm sorry you went through that, you have had an all around rough life & I admire you for how strong you still are!
I had never been around anything like that, my parents never even drink much less any of the others....I didn't know anything about "major drugs" until I started working in the detox center, & I never thought I would find myself in such a situation, but God won't give you anything you can't handle, :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11 Posts
You are right, God will not give us anything that we cannot handle, and what we overcome makes us stronger.

I would not say that I have had a "rough life". I lived with others that went through the rough stuff, I just had to be witness to it :(.
I have had to deal with a lot of things, more than my fair share I think....but with everything I go through, I come out of it stronger and happier. I think it also gives me the ability to see things with an open heart and open eyes.

Right now is a rough patch, but I will make it....and so will you.

The power of positive thoughts :)
 
1 - 16 of 16 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top