Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 32 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
365 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hi Everyone,
We are on the road to divorce. My husband is pressuring me to sign his divorce papers now. We have been separated for just gone 2 years. The marriage didn't survive due to infidelity issues and a whole lot of other stuff. It's occurred to me that I am being pressured to sign these papers because he has someone else that he met at work. I'm almost certain he wouldn't have told her why our marriage cracked. That would make him look like an idiot. I want to hate him but I just cannot. He has told me many times that he hates me, despises me and tells me that no one could ever love me. He accuses me of damaging his self esteem???? He doesn't know that I know about the other woman. With everything that has happened, I developed depression and anxiety. My anxiety has worsened today. I feel like screaming and punching him. I don't even have the courage to do this! Please help me, I don't know what to do. I am trying to hide my feelings from the children without bursting into tears. I am also studying a degree and have assignments due in the next 2 weeks before the semester is over. I am struggling to concentrate. I have come a long way and don't want to fail. Thank you for reading.:frown2:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
So sorry to hear about your struggles. I too am separated due to my husband's cheating.
Your depression and anxiety are understandable, but they also indicate that you are turning your negative emotions inwards. Don't punish yourself for your husband's misdeeds! Start by telling him you knew of his infidelity and that it disgusts you. If you can't talk to him right now, just put it all down on paper or have an imaginary conversation in your head. Next, set about punishing him for throwing away the best thing that ever happened to him. Not by striking out directly, but by becoming your most vibrant and sexy self. Go out there and grab life by the b**lls. You deserve it and you will find love again. Chin up girl. You'll get there x
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,210 Posts
This man does NOT deserve someone like you. You are better than him and his bad choices and miserable mistakes. Sign the papers, get some closure and do what @jencork said. Get on with becoming your best self!

Don't listen to the lies he's putting in your head about you being unlovable. I can tell just by the brief interactions we have had that the complete opposite is the TRUTH. Not what he says. He doesn't get to dictate your world view or view of yourself anymore. His opinion means nothing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
365 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
This man does NOT deserve someone like you. You are better than him and his bad choices and miserable mistakes. Sign the papers, get some closure and do what @jencork said. Get on with becoming your best self!

Don't listen to the lies he's putting in your head about you being unlovable. I can tell just by the brief interactions we have had that the complete opposite is the TRUTH. Not what he says. He doesn't get to dictate your world view or view of yourself anymore. His opinion means nothing.

Thank you so much. I will try my best to starting making changes for myself. I feel really sick tonight :(. I'm not alone and need to keep reminding myself of this.
 
  • Like
Reactions: MattMatt

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,210 Posts
Thank you so much. I will try my best to starting making changes for myself. I feel really sick tonight :(. I'm not alone and need to keep reminding myself of this.
Do they have Meetup in Australia? (Or the equivalent) If so, try to find a single moms Meetup group to join.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Threeblessings

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,652 Posts
Have you discussed this with an attorney?
Have you spoken to your family doctor about the stress/anxiety?
Its not at all uncommon for folks going through divorce and separation to suffer from depression and many get help from counseling, so consider that as another tool to survive this.

Why has this been dragging on for two years? Look, I'm not on your H's side, but the longer this drags, the longer it will be for you to fully heal.

And I would SOOO tell him you know about his infidelity. He's an A$$, trying to shift the blame off himself. Call him on it. You might feel better.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,210 Posts
Have you discussed this with an attorney?
Have you spoken to your family doctor about the stress/anxiety?
Its not at all uncommon for folks going through divorce and separation to suffer from depression and many get help from counseling, so consider that as another tool to survive this.

Why has this been dragging on for two years? Look, I'm not on your H's side, but the longer this drags, the longer it will be for you to fully heal.

And I would SOOO tell him you know about his infidelity. He's an A$$, trying to shift the blame off himself. Call him on it. You might feel better.
I agree! Why are you protecting him?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
365 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
Have you discussed this with an attorney?
Have you spoken to your family doctor about the stress/anxiety?
Its not at all uncommon for folks going through divorce and separation to suffer from depression and many get help from counseling, so consider that as another tool to survive this.

Why has this been dragging on for two years? Look, I'm not on your H's side, but the longer this drags, the longer it will be for you to fully heal.

And I would SOOO tell him you know about his infidelity. He's an A$$, trying to shift the blame off himself. Call him on it. You might feel better.
Pluto2 - It has taken this long as we were undecided about what to do. During this time we attended counselling and mediation. Neither worked. There was also a property and kids issues that needed to be resolved. The last 12 weeks or so has been spent providing documents to the legal office etc before a formal property settlement can occur. I am going to make an appointment with the doctor tomorrow. I also have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
365 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
I agree! Why are you protecting him?
I bought this up briefly when he dropped the kids stuff off earlier and he denied it like he did with the first two affairs. The difference is I had evidence before this time I don't have any physical evidence.
 
  • Like
Reactions: SecondTime'Round

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,652 Posts
I bought this up briefly when he dropped the kids stuff off earlier and he denied it like he did with the first two affairs. The difference is I had evidence before this time I don't have any physical evidence.
Been there. my ex denied, well still denies everything. Dumb. In our case my DD14 found some hard evidence of one A (he denied), and I found evidence of several others (he denied). Don't give his denial a second thought. Its cheater-speak for I can't admit my own actions. Remember he still has to live with himself, but you don't.

Have you tried the 180, as a way to help you detach? How old are your kids? Are you getting out of the house with friends?
 
  • Like
Reactions: Threeblessings

·
Registered
Joined
·
365 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
Do they have Meetup in Australia? (Or the equivalent) If so, try to find a single moms Meetup group to join.
I'm not sure about this but I will try find out. Thanks for the suggestion.
 
  • Like
Reactions: SecondTime'Round

·
Registered
Joined
·
365 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
Been there. my ex denied, well still denies everything. Dumb. In our case my DD14 found some hard evidence of one A (he denied), and I found evidence of several others (he denied). Don't give his denial a second thought. Its cheater-speak for I can't admit my own actions. Remember he still has to live with himself, but you don't.

Have you tried the 180, as a way to help you detach? How old are your kids? Are you getting out of the house with friends?
I have seen the 180 thing mentioned on here a lot but I don't really know what it is, will Google it. Children are 4, 7 and 12. To be honest, I don't meet with friends too much as I am so busy with the children, my studies and part time job.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,197 Posts
Don't sign anything until you've seen your attorney and your physician. Listen to your attorney. You have three children and all are very young. As your husband wants the divorce, he will end up with child support and alimony for you.

Focus on yourself. Do not try to protect your cheating husband. Do not let go of your part time job and school. You will need employment skills later on in your life. Meanwhile, get your mindset in order. Most likely, your physician will refer you to a psychiatrist to address your anxiety.

Sorry that you are here.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
365 Posts
Discussion Starter #16
Don't sign anything until you've seen your attorney and your physician. Listen to your attorney. You have three children and all are very young. As your husband wants the divorce, he will end up with child support and alimony for you.

Focus on yourself. Do not try to protect your cheating husband. Do not let go of your part time job and school. You will need employment skills later on in your life. Meanwhile, get your mindset in order. Most likely, your physician will refer you to a psychiatrist to address your anxiety.

Sorry that you are here.
Thank you. I have skills and certificates to my name. I am upskilling with the intention of creating a better life for the children and me. I have come along way in my degree and I would very much like to finish it.
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
29,726 Posts
I have an appointment tomorrow. Hope it goes well.
Cool!

You do realise that all our friends on TAM who live in the USA went: "See a Solicitor?" :wtf:

:rofl:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
365 Posts
Discussion Starter #18
Cool!

You do realise that all our friends on TAM who live in the USA went: "See a Solicitor?" :wtf:

:rofl:
Yes, I noticed this. I used to live in the UK and used the word, solicitor. In Australia, the same people are known as lawyers and in South Africa/USA - attorneys.
 
  • Like
Reactions: MattMatt

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,830 Posts
OP- I'm truly sorry for the spot you are in.

However, you cannot control your Husband's actions. He doesn't deserve you and certainly doesn't know how to treat the mother of his children or his wife.

Do a hard 180 and do it for you.

Focus on yourself and the kids. Be the best role model you can be.

Don't sign a thing without having a lawyer make sure it is in your best interests and the best interest of your children. Your H has proven that he cannot be trusted and it sounds like he's trying to pressure you into making a bad situation even worse for you. He obviously does not have your best interests at heart and is only looking out for himself. He sounds like a very selfish and childish person. His new "love interest" will get what she has coming. If he treats you this way, he'll eventually do the same to her.

All the best
WD
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
365 Posts
Discussion Starter #20 (Edited)
OP- I'm truly sorry for the spot you are in.

However, you cannot control your Husband's actions. He doesn't deserve you and certainly doesn't know how to treat the mother of his children or his wife.

Do a hard 180 and do it for you.

Focus on yourself and the kids. Be the best role model you can be.

Don't sign a thing without having a lawyer make sure it is in your best interests and the best interest of your children. Your H has proven that he cannot be trusted and it sounds like he's trying to pressure you into making a bad situation even worse for you. He obviously does not have your best interests at heart and is only looking out for himself. He sounds like a very selfish and childish person. His new "love interest" will get what she has coming. If he treats you this way, he'll eventually do the same to her.

All the best
WD
Sorry if it came across as though I was trying to control his actions. This is not the case at all. I naively thought the H would have had a little respect until our divorce was over with. I may be old-fashioned, but this is just another case of infidelity to add to his record. Thanks for your concern :).
 
1 - 20 of 32 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top