I'm glad that you feel comfortable talking to us, here on TAM. I'm glad to hear that you have been hitting the gym. Exercise can be so therapeutic, both physically and mentally.
But, you need to go gray rock on your husband. You need to stop texting him. Everytime you contact him, you are feeding him hope. You need to crush that hope, so that you can be free. You do not need to worry about him killing himself. It is pure manipulation and you know it. If he really wanted to die, he would be dead. You are do so well, moving forward and I am very happy for you. But, your husband is becoming an anchor and dragging you back down.
What are your interests/hobbies? Do you live in a big city or out in the country? I've been to the UK many times and find the history fascinating and the moors absolutely beautiful. Are you guys still under lockdown?
We are out of lock down but unable to go inside pubs, restaurants, it’s all outside at the moment but that is set to change on 17th May and then 100% back to normal on 21st June, but the numbers are rising again for Covid.
Why can’t I stop texting him? I don’t understand why I can’t stop. So the gym and swimming is new to me and I am enjoying it, I have never had hobbies or interests of my own so I’m trying to find some. Going to give yoga and Pilates ago once they open up again. I would love to learn salsa dancing but I would need a partner. I live in the country, I do drive so I can go anywhere I want really. The moors are beautiful. I’m thinking of going on holiday by myself!