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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi, I just registered on here because I want to hear how other people have gotten over a 22 year marriage after finding out the man I love had a full on affair for the last 5 months.
 

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It's a horrible and painful thing to happen. My husband and I both had divorces due to our spouses behaviour after well over 20 years and it does take a lot of time and healing but there is eventually life after divorce and betrayal.
It's such early days for you yet though. What have you done since you found out? Has the affair stopped?
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
It's a horrible and painful thing to happen. My husband and I both had divorces due to our spouses behaviour after well over 20 years and it does take a lot of time and healing but there is eventually life after divorce and betrayal.
It's such early days for you yet though. What have you done since you found out? Has the affair stopped?
Yes the affair has stopped. His first wife cheated and my first husband cheated and we always said we would never to that to one another. I’m in shock and disbelief, my husband had a minor heart attack on the 9th December last year, he’s not been close with me at all. On Easter Sunday I received a message from a random person telling me was having an affair with the receptionist where he works, I confronted him and he totally denied it, 6 hours later he told me it was true😢 my whole life broke there and then. I put his non sexual contact Down to all the pills he was taking due to heart attack as we discussed it in detail. Cannot believe this has happened, I ended up in hospital Wednesday and yesterday because I was in so much pain and I wanted it to stop, devastated doesn’t even cover how I’m feeling
 

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Yes the affair has stopped. His first wife cheated and my first husband cheated and we always said we would never to that to one another. I’m in shock and disbelief, my husband had a minor heart attack on the 9th December last year, he’s not been close with me at all. On Easter Sunday I received a message from a random person telling me was having an affair with the receptionist where he works, I confronted him and he totally denied it, 6 hours later he told me it was true😢 my whole life broke there and then. I put his non sexual contact Down to all the pills he was taking due to heart attack as we discussed it in detail. Cannot believe this has happened, I ended up in hospital Wednesday and yesterday because I was in so much pain and I wanted it to stop, devastated doesn’t even cover how I’m feeling
Yes it's just awful. I feel for you. What has he said? Does he want to stay with you? Do you want that? The first thing he must do is look for work elsewhere.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Yes it's just awful. I feel for you. What has he said? Does he want to stay with you? Do you want that? The first thing he must do is look for work elsewhere.
Yes he wants to come home, he said he’s made a massive mistake, I don’t really know what I want, I miss him so bad, for me, I have only given myself to 2 people in my life, the sexual deceit is killing me, the other woman is chasing him. My husband doesn’t seem to be in the right mental health state. I don’t know how to get over this. People say focus on you etc, but I can’t stop thinking about him, I can’t concentrate on anything.
 

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I completely understand. It’s absolutely crushing. The pain is excruciating, worse than any physical pain I’ve experienced. You have come to the right place. Many people here know exactly what you are going through.
What do you want to do?
 

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Yes he wants to come home, he said he’s made a massive mistake, I don’t really know what I want, I miss him so bad, for me, I have only given myself to 2 people in my life, the sexual deceit is killing me, the other woman is chasing him. My husband doesn’t seem to be in the right mental health state. I don’t know how to get over this. People say focus on you etc, but I can’t stop thinking about him, I can’t concentrate on anything.
It's very soon so you will need time and space to decide what you want. It may help if you had some time apart. This would firstly show him how very serious this is and secondly give you time and space to think and decide what you want to do going forward. Maybe 2 or 3 months say?
What isn't in his favour is the fact that he didn't stop it himself or confess himself. He is only acting sorry now because someone else told you. He is sorry he got caught. If you hadn't found out it would still be going on. Oh and it's wasn't a mistake, it was a decision he made over and over again to cheat and risk destroying his marriage.

Only you will know if the trust has gone and if you can ever get that back.

How does he know if the OW is chasing him if he has no contact? Has he started applying for another job?
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I completely understand. It’s absolutely crushing. The pain is excruciating, worse than any physical pain I’ve experienced. You have come to the right place. Many people here know exactly what you are going through.
What do you want to do?
Never been asked that before, I have always looked after my four boys, now adults and what ever I wanted to do never came into any conversation. I dunno know really, I want my life with him but I think it would be too difficult to have him back as it would eat me up.
 

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Never been asked that before, I have always looked after my four boys, now adults and what ever I wanted to do never came into any conversation. I dunno know really, I want my life with him but I think it would be too difficult to have him back as it would eat me up.
Having already been cheated on before by your first husband no one could blame you for ending this marriage. Some do stay but it's a very very hard long road to walk, others know the trust has been destroyed and without trust what is there?
Have you told anyone? Friends or family?
 

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Never been asked that before, I have always looked after my four boys, now adults and what ever I wanted to do never came into any conversation. I dunno know really, I want my life with him but I think it would be too difficult to have him back as it would eat me up.
I’m 3 years out from finding out about my STBXH affair.
I stayed with him for another 2 and a half years.
I should have bounced him on day one.
Fear kept me in the marriage. My trust and love was destroyed.
What does your husband say about the affair?
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Having already been cheated on before by your first husband no one could blame you for ending this marriage. Some do stay but it's a very very hard long road to walk, others know the trust has been destroyed and without trust what is there?
Have you told anyone? Friends or family?
Yes, my 4 sons know and all friends. Obviously me taking tablets to ease my pain took me into hospital, my heart was effected by what I took.
 

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Yes, my 4 sons know and all friends. Obviously me taking tablets to ease my pain took me into hospital, my heart was effected by what I took.
What did you take? Best to see a doctor about getting help.
What do your sons think? Are they from your first marriage?
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
What did you take? Best to see a doctor about getting help.
Already have, took blood pressure tablets mixed with other tablets I had in the house.
What did you take? Best to see a doctor about getting help.
What do your sons think? Are they from your first marriage?
3 from first marriage, youngest (21) from this marriage. I think they think I should carry on by myself. Obviously I have scared them for life now, I can’t repair that.
 

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Already have, took blood pressure tablets mixed with other tablets I had in the house.

3 from first marriage, youngest (21) from this marriage. I think they think I should carry on by myself. Obviously I have scared them for life now, I can’t repair that.
How have you scared them for life? You didn't do anything wrong.
 

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Blonde1971, I am so sorry that you are here, but I am glad that you chose this forum. You will get extremely valuable help/advice from members. So, a few questions:

How long, was his affair? Five months?
What exactly prompted him to confess?
Do you think this is his first affair while married to you?
Have you had an STD test yet?

Do NOT allow him back so easily, or you will be right back here in a few months dealing with more of him cheating. Have you heard of "THE 180"? I know that your heart is in pieces right now and that sucks to no measure, but you need to be tough right now, in order to put your life back together
 
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