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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I was on my computer today and found an email I had saved (evidence) to show my STBXH when I confronted his affair. It's been 10 weeks and it completely ripped my heart out, once again. It was like on DDAY. I have been trying to be strong and accept that he isn't the person I married or shared 5 1/2 years with. I wish I didnt care or that this wouldn't affect me anymore. But seeing that email (even though its over 2 months ago when it was written) it showed me that I am not even close to being over it. He lied and betrayed his family and helped possibly destroy another family. How can some people be so cold that they don't care who their actions hurt. Actually I am glad I don't understand. I don't ever want to be that type of person. Thanks for letting me vent.
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Kaya you have experienced a devastating emotional trauma. And just like a physical trauma you will experience times of great pain.

With a physical trauma you can feel emotionally drained because of occasional or chronic pain. So don't be surprised to experience a bit of physical ailment along with this emotional pain. Work through it. It will pass.

Just like a physical trauma, an emotional one takes time to heal. There are times of setbacks. Don't fret.

All your post proves is that you have a heart and soul. You have shown a lot of strength and resolve. So don't put yourself down for feeling a bit down tonight.
 

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Well you have the perfect people to vent to. You're in good company.

Sorry for the bad triggers today though:(
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks Walkonmars and Jasel. It sucks that people can be terrible selfish individuals. I just thought I was doing good and be strong. And know I am hurting again. I think it's sucks but it helps me to remember why it's important that I am getting divorced. I won't be forgiving him Anytime in the near future. I know I eventually have to forgive, but he's not worthy of it, at this time.
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If some one stabs you in the heart and twists the knife you don't ever have to forgive. Not ever. So don't even consider it at this time.

A day will come when his "new love" will evaporate like the fog does on a sunny day. It's dawn and he is enjoying the shroud but soon he will be in the light of day. Don't give him another thought. Continue to work on yourself.

In spite of tonight - you are doing GREAT - tomorrow morning brings a new day.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
If some one stabs you in the heart and twists the knife you don't ever have to forgive. Not ever. So don't even consider it at this time.

A day will come when his "new love" will evaporate like the fog does on a sunny day. It's dawn and he is enjoying the shroud but soon he will be in the light of day. Don't give him another thought. Continue to work on yourself.

In spite of tonight - you are doing GREAT - tomorrow morning brings a new day.
Yeah I know I don't ever have to forgive him. And as of right now, I don't plan on it. I believe him and my daughter are going to dinner either tomorrow or Wed and I plan on not being here. I am starting a jiu-jitsu class tomorrow. So I am hoping it'll be a good time & ill be out of my head for the night. As far as him and his AP go, they can live in delusional la la land together. Seeing that email yes hurt me, but helped me remember that what I am doing right now is the right thing. I am grateful I filed for divorce and I am grateful I have gone 180 a month ago and NC 12 days ago. I just hate feeling like this. I know nothing in life that is worth something is easy, but my heart is ready for smooth sailing and blue sky's.
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You need to fill your time with things for you----your judo class---go to the gym, get involved in hobbies, start playing sports activites---tennis, golf, go to the horse races----hundreds of things to do----DO THEM

Remember, there is a whole big wide world out there, and there are good kind people who will not hurt you, in that world

Start living your life---and put your H---OUT OF THAT LIFE----I E DELETE HIM----just as you would delete someone from a cellphone

Be strong, and stand tall
 

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I still have all the "evidence" from my husband from 3-5 years ago. I keep it tucked away and try really hard not to look at it because it only puts me in another frame of mind. I have accidently stumbled up on little things and had my day ruined because of it.

Stay away from those things and remember that you're in a better place right now and that your days are going to keep getting better and better!
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thank you all for your advice and kind words. Warlock07 I am 32 and my STBXH is 39. I believe his AP is 34, not 100% sure though.

Jnj express- I plan on taking a Muay Thai class I am going there today to sign up. The jiu-jitsu class is something my coworker/friend invited me to. And I have deleted him from my life, I just forgot that I still had that email. It's gone now though. I don't need anymore reminders, my mind replays them for me.

Letdownntx- I did get rid of the reminders...my daughter stashed our wedding photos, honeymoon pictures etc and I loaded all the stuff of his (he left behind) in boxes and took it to his moms. And yes, I made sure to delete that email so I'd never see again.

LanieB- I wish you luck in your reconciliation....
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Kaya,

I am very sorry for you. I was over my EXW rather quickly. Took me about a year... Still have days. I got rid of all reminders of her and I am very glad I did. I still find things pics etc... as I clean out the house.

It will take time, but focus on things that you want out of your life. I am section hiking the Appalachian Trail with my 3 boys 10,11,12. Working on my bucket list, hit the gym regularly and I have met a beautiful girl. It all takes time. I sat down and wrote out what I want to do with my life and now I just do it. Skies won't always be blue, but work on yourself and you won't be sorry! Good luck to you and God Bless!
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Kaya,

I am very sorry for you. I was over my EXW rather quickly. Took me about a year... Still have days. I got rid of all reminders of her and I am very glad I did. I still find things pics etc... as I clean out the house.

It will take time, but focus on things that you want out of your life. I am section hiking the Appalachian Trail with my 3 boys 10,11,12. Working on my bucket list, hit the gym regularly and I have met a beautiful girl. It all takes time. I sat down and wrote out what I want to do with my life and now I just do it. Skies won't always be blue, but work on yourself and you won't be sorry! Good luck to you and God Bless!
That's awesome about your goal of the trail. I am still hurting but "this to shall pass". I think that's awesome you have moved on and are feeling better about life. I take baby steps everyday...I just dont know when I'll be ready to trust and date again. But thanks for taking the time to read this and offer me advice. It means a lot...
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You don't have to do serious dating but you should accept the occasional coffee, lunch, even supper date. Why don't you also consider taking a dance class too? Lean a dance you never thought you'd do: Tango, salsa, mambo, you'll have fun, meet new people, and get a good workout.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
You don't have to do serious dating but you should accept the occasional coffee, lunch, even supper date. Why don't you also consider taking a dance class too? Lean a dance you never thought you'd do: Tango, salsa, mambo, you'll have fun, meet new people, and get a good workout.
I agree that I don't have to date yet. I am just content being by myself. I tried to go out a month after we split and the two men were interested in much more. So I just don't want to deal with that until I am ready. And at this time, I don't see that happening in the near future. The dance class is a good idea. Another good suggestion :)
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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Doing better today?
Hello and thanks for asking. Yes for the most part. STBXH attempted to call me today. I of course declined the call. I guess my mother called him about responding to the divorce. He has 20 days from the time he gets served. He hadn't done this yet and wanted to know if he needed to take all the papers to the courthouse and sign them? Which is stupid! He's been divorced 2 other times. I responded "I don't know this is my 1st divorce". It's irritating because he kept texting me after that. I really enjoy NC and I wish he'd use his brain when it comes to our divorce and read the paperwork and try to remember the divorce drill. Other than that I am doing better. If anything that email and all other triggers remind me that I am doing the right thing by divorcing him. How are you?
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Your stbxh's OW may be history as soon as her BH discovers the affair. Secrects can't be held forever. And with your stbxh now free to roam all hours of the day and night, the cat will be out of the bag. When that happens your incoming texts are going to shoot way up. So steel yourself and teflon-coat your emotions.

Anyway, glad you're at peace with NC - long may it last!

D is having supper with your stbx this weekend no?
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Your stbxh's OW may be history as soon as her BH discovers the affair. Secrects can't be held forever. And with your stbxh now free to roam all hours of the day and night, the cat will be out of the bag. When that happens your incoming texts are going to shoot way up. So steel yourself and teflon-coat your emotions.

Anyway, glad you're at peace with NC - long may it last!

D is having supper with your stbx this weekend no?
I really hope he doesn't bother coming back after that blows up for him. I rarely respond to his texts now and never answer his phone calls when he does call me, not to mention I filed for divorce...so i would hope that lets him know that I am not waiting around hoping we will reconcile. I have not cried to him or allowed him or anyone who is our mutual friend/family to see my emotions. So hopefully if his dumbazz attempts to reconcile, I will be as cold as I have been throughout this process. But I will definitely take your advice.

They are going next Monday I guess. She asked me to tell him not to bring up what happened between us to her. So I relayed the message and informed him that any relationship they have, is between them and I do not want to be involved. I guess we will see. I sat and spoke to his son over text for awhile last night. It is sad, he told me "my girlfriend cheated on me and so I dumped her" and I wanted to cry for him. His mom cheated on his dad, his dad cheated on me and now he is being cheated on. Of course he is 15, so I am sure he moved on pretty fast.
 

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The cheating merry-go-round. It's like bread mold.

Hope your daughter takes after you.

There's far too many men & women who think they just CAN'T live without the person they chose to fall in love with but have proven to be a pisspoor match.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
The cheating merry-go-round. It's like bread mold.

Hope your daughter takes after you.

There's far too many men & women who think they just CAN'T live without the person they chose to fall in love with but have proven to be a pisspoor match.
I think she definitely will! And STBXH and AP can have each other. I miss him and still have my weak days, but I don't want to be with someone who only thinks of themselves. So those two seem like a great match!
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