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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello, new to site so be gentle. I have been with my husband for 17 years and we have a 15 year old daughter. To keep things short my mother in law died 2 years ago as a result we went through a rough time. Things are a little better now however I have suspected my husband is having a affair for a while. When anything happens like his hair smelling of coconut shampoo, which I don't have in the house, happens I kind of wash over it. But I am stewing on this all day every day. I keep telling myself that unless I know for sure what's the point in running everything. We don't have sex hardly ever anymore despite my best efforts. I keep thinking it's me but I am in the best shape of my life at the moment. I have tried talking till I am blue in the face I have told him I will leave if nothing changes. I don't think he believes me. I am only 34 I can't go on like this much longer. Please help. Should I keep brushing the signs under the carpet?
 

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Hi Tobe, and welcome to TAM.

I am sorry to hear what you're going through, and would encourage you to start finding out more about what is going on. It could be a huge red flag, but could it be that he found another product that he sometimes uses, such as a hotel shampoo he brought home from a business trip?

The other thing that caught my eye: Why would he believe you if you don't do what you say you're going to do?
 

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No...you need to start digging. While you are doing that you need to figure out if you want to stay in the marriage or not. The worst case is that your fears will be true. The best case is that nothing is going on. Please do not bury your head. Let us know if you need anything.
 

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get your head out of the sand and do what you have to do ASAP to find out if he's having an affair. there are other posts here that talk about GPS devises, keyboard tracking, stuff like that to see what your husband is up to. you've suspected this for a while, so my inclination is that it is true. you can't move on until you get the facts. Regardless, it seems like your marriage has been going downhill for a while. Either get him to talk, or go to marriage counseling, or get an attorney and start talking about divorce. you're young and in great shape. I know you feel older because you've been married for a while and have an almost grown kid, but your life can be just beginning. Don't continue on with a guy who doesn't love, respect, and cherish you (and cheats on you).
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thank you all for your advice. I didn't no what to expect from writing this butI am glad to see honest advice.
My husband doesn't work or stay away and asalso got very lazy in all departments including showering so is odd to say the least. We have had a great sex life until a few years ago and it has got worse since.
I love my husband unconditional and do not want to split up, I know he loves me believe he has fallen out of love with me.
We go on holiday just the 2 of us in a few weeks so was thinking of speaking to him then regarding counselling.
We are in a major rut we don't do anything much together, and he is always on the laptop, playing games!! However when we do go out it's like old times we are never stuck for conversation, but he never looks at me with desire or longing in his eyes anymore.
I feel really silly, I know people will just think that's life.. 17 years together it's to be expected.. but I'm not ready to be put on the shelf ,
I just want him to want me again!
 

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I'd recommend investigating, then. If you otherwise still get along, you may be able to recover your relationship if he's having an affair. There are many people here better able to describe exact steps you can take, but a voice activated recorder in the car is a big one.
 
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