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Let's see what you make of this. There is a guy a "friend" of my wife's. He's "Tyler" from my "How I Got Here" thread. He plays a popular word game with my wife and M-I-L on FB. The three started playing this game on FB b4 I singed up for an account. Around this time he was also taking too many liberties chatting her up whenever he felt like it. I knew what was coming next, so I told her that there would be NO one to one gaming with the OS. Sure enough about a month later he started a one on one game with my W. So I told her to delete it. She did. No problem. Over the next few months wife and I by have alot of deep talks about boundaries. We come to an understanding.
About a year and a half later (three weeks ago), he starts another game with her. I wasn't impressed. She hadn't known that he'd done it. So first thing in the morning, I tell her to delete it. She says ok, she also says the next time I see something like that, I can delete it myself if I want to...she doesn't mind.
Two days later he starts another game with her, and I delete it myself this time. I don't even bother telling her because she said she didn't care. So he messages her asking her why she won't play with him. He gets his wife to ask her why she won't play with him!!! She reads these messages and she is like WTF? I tell her what I did the night b4 and ask her "Do you want to explain it to them or should I?" She asked if I would mind doing it as I can articulate our position better. So I send both Tyler and his wife a message that went something like this:
 

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Me: "What's up guys, this is Latigo. Mrs.Latigo and I have an agreement that neither of us does any one to one gaming with member of the opposite sex. This is do to some bad experiences we had when we first got on FB. I am an old fashioned husband and I liken gaming with going out to a movie or to a club. Thank you for understanding. "
Between the two of them it was his wife who messaged me back!
Mrs. Tyler: "Hey, that's alright, it is no biggy, Tyler will just have to deal"
Me: "Thanks for understanding. I hope this doesn't effect the friendship between you and my wife. So, since the two of you play word games together maybe you and Tyler could play a three player game with her?"
Mrs. Tyler:"Don't worry, it won't effect things between her and me. I really like talking to her. I don't think I'll be playing with Tyler though, I don't really like playing with him"
I let it go at that

I knew that over the weekend Tyler and his wife would be visiting my M-I-L as they are old family friends. So over this weekend he complains to M-I-L about the situation! She calls my wife every weekend, and I knew she'd bring it up when she called. Again, sure enough, she works it into the phone call. My wife calmly says "Yeah, we both have this agreement. Honestly I don't want Latigo chatting or gaming with women either. That's how emotional affairs get started." And with that, M-I-L agrees and drops the subject. Apparenlty though, when he told M-I-L the story, she said be behaved like a kid whose feelings got hurt.
So my question is WTF do you make of this? Why would a guy get so butt hurt over not being able to play a word game with another man's wife? How does a married man with three kids even find time to play games?
(Cont)
 

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A little backstory. My wife didn't have a boyfriend b4 me. She and Tyler grew up like brother and sister. He was my bro-in-laws best friend growing up. They are still close. When she was a senior in high school, Tyler was a boarder in my M-I-L's house. He was having trouble with his girlfriend. So he started flirting with my wife. He would fix her car and she would make dinners for him. She said she never seriously considered him a potential bf b/c he had a girlfriend and she knew her. It is a small town and everyone knows everyone. Also, B-I-L and M-I-L are encouraging this b/c Tyler comes from a wealthy family and they consider him a catch.


I asked if there was ever anything physical between them...even a hug? She says no. Her theory is that he never made a move on her because she weighed 300 pounds at the time. And him being a young man, he didn't want a "fatty" on his resume. Her theory, NOT mine. I beleive her btw. There are many signs that tell me I am her first lover in addition to being her first bf.
But he did enjoy the attention. She says she thinks his gf knew about this b/c everytime he brought her over she would give my wife the stink eye and be really stand-offish to her. Then at one point they break up for a wekk and a half. One day he invites her to a bar to get lunch and play pool. She says she figured that because they broke up he was making his move on her.
When she gets to the bar Tyler is there with his gf and another guy. A big slobby double chinned guy from what she describes. Kinda reminded her of the big guy on the movie "Mall Rats." Come to find out that he brought this guy along for my wife. I tell her that this is BS. That the date was for her and him. He either got caught and covered his tracks (by inviting Mall Rats boy) or just chickened out and invited his gf. She agrees and said that the other guy at the bar was probably there as a place holder for her so Tyler could keep his options open.


My wife was offended by this incident. She said she took it personally that he didn't try to at least set her up with someone who wasn't a slob. She said that she didn't talk to him again the rest of the summer. She went off to college by then. A few years later she met me and the next time she talked to Tyler was when she took me home to meet her mom. He happened to come over ( I think to check me out) and I cooked dinner for the family.
(cont)
 

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I knew who he was and most of the back story. But being as ****y as I was back then, I didn't think anything of it. I mean, she was mine now. About a year after we get married, he marries his longtime gf. Same girl from earlier in the story. Then about 7 years ago, my wife and I are vacationing with B-I-L and his then Gf. We were passing through the town where Tyler had moved to. Wife's bro wanted to spend the night at his place. When we are there, Tyler's wife is VERY chummy with Mrs. Latigo. Like they had been besties for years. So much so that I had trouble reconciling this person with the person my wife described her to be. My wife said that she probably isn't on edge around her anymore because she is married to me now and no longer sees her as a rival for Tyler. So all is good.


Fast forward to three years ago. And...DRUM ROLL PLEASE...FACEBOOK...the gift that keeps on giving!!!!!!! They "friend" each other on there, and he starts chatting her up alot. She chatted with alot of guys during this time. Did I mention that my wife lost alot of weight. She fluctuates at around 175-185 and has curves that put Kristina Hendricks to shame!
There are certain games one can play on facebook that compare your scores with the scores of people on your friends list. If you beat your friends you can post it on their wall. He did this many times and delighted in included these flirty little messages on the post. He doesn't have much insofar as grey matter, but he does know how to flirt just so much as to not look obvious. Just enough ambiguity to make people think they are crazy if they accuse him of anything. But, if you know the games people play, it is still clear what he's doing.


Then my M-I-L signes up for FB and she and my wife play the word game. M-I-L plays with Tyler and signs him up for the three player games with my wife. I knew what was coming next, so I instituted the afore mentioned ban on gaming one on one with the OS.
Some of you might be wonder why I let things go on like this for a few months b4 I went Jules Winfield on the situation. Two things, first, Tyler was one of a few guys that chatted up my wife constantly. I would tell her they were sending out feelers, she would tell me that I was imagining things! Always trust your gut as is often echoed here on TAM!! Second, and curiously, Tyler's wife also "friended" my wife. They would chat alot and became close. They still are. They chat about every other night to this day. With her and my wife becoming close I naively thought there was no way he'd try something. WRONG!
(cont)
 

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If you read my post about why I am here you know how I handled things. It was all kosher until a few weeks ago with the word game. I talked about all of this with some guys I know and they all agreed that he wanted my wifes attention. For reasons that I suspect (EA), but only he knows for sure. My wife is unimpressed by the whole thing and feels bad for Mrs. Tyler. Tyler travels often for business. Mrs. Tyler is always complaining on her FB wall about how bad her life sucks. When he is home he never helps with his 3 children. I suspect he gets alot of female attention whilst on business, but I can't prove that. My wife agrees.


After this new incident with the word game something interesting happened between my wife and I. She said that she was surprised that I didn't lose my cool with her. I asked her "Why shoud I?" "You are doing everything I asked you to do, and we both see eye to eye on these issues." We smiled at each other. I have reason to be optimistic. As for Tyler, out of respect for the friendship our wives have developed, I will let things stay as they are. He's been keeping to himself. Anymore game requests or any chat attempts and I go nuclear. Given that I know everyone in the small town he's from it won't be pretty! So, am I crazy or am I right and this putz was fishing for an EA?
 
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From what you say, I'm thinking you're probably right about most of it.

I do think you're wrong on one point though. Not fishing for an EA. He's fishing for a PA (that's what men are generally after, let's face it.)
 

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From what you say, I'm thinking you're probably right about most of it.

I do think you're wrong on one point though. Not fishing for an EA. He's fishing for a PA (that's what men are generally after, let's face it.)
I agree with this.

I also think you have handled it all really well and that your wife is one cool person to be engaging with you in such a level headed way about this.

She sounds like a special woman and I can see why you're making sure that she knows you think so.

Good for you :)
 

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Called maintaining boundaries.

Wives do not need males friends. Or husbands female friends.

No good to lock the doors after you let the thief into the house.

 

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Thanks all for the replies. I believe what you're saying 100% about him setting things up to eventually go PA. Funny thing is, I got the feeling that his wife was relieved that I put a stop to his plans.
 
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