During our recent troubles, it has become apparent that there is a MASSIVE problem with our decision making process.
Significant decisions during our relationship have pretty much always been dictated by him. I say "dictated" because although I will happily sit down and discuss both sides, the outcome is always the same - we go with what he wants.
It has come to a head atm...
In June, we had to move house as our landlord wanted his house back. We had a number of options very close to our old house, and thus near to the older children's schools (eldest in juniors, second eldest in infants, walking distance from our house, 5 mins from his old job.)
He wanted to move a little further away, enough so I'd have to drive the kids to school everyday and we were out of catchment for the kids' schools. Not a problem as they retain their place, but a problem for child number 3 who is due to start school next September.
I won't go into the finer points but it means a logistical nightmare for me for dropping kids off and picking them up. He knew that a) I wanted to stay near to where we were as I liked it and it was close to school, b) I wanted child number 3 to go to the same infants as the elder two, and c) that it would make drop off and pick up difficult - and that's without thinking about us wanting me to go back to work.
The trouble is, it is ME who has to pick up all the slack. I don't get a say in any of this, if I do, I'm just being awkward. We have to live where HE wants to live, kids go to the schools HE wants, *I* have to sort it all out and he is not even listening to what I am saying.
It's a recurring theme, I am realising. Us moving in together, us getting married, which surname we'd have, every time we've moved house he's uprooted the kids settled in school because we had to move to an area HE wanted to - he's done this twice now. Even the littlests' food choices - I have been vegetarian for years, the older two are, I wanted the younger two to be and he would not even consider it. Listens then gets all angry. Makes out like I'm crazy or selfish.
I'm now right royally p!ssed off with this happening over and over. What can I do to be heard and get him to realise my opinion is as valid as his?
Significant decisions during our relationship have pretty much always been dictated by him. I say "dictated" because although I will happily sit down and discuss both sides, the outcome is always the same - we go with what he wants.
It has come to a head atm...
In June, we had to move house as our landlord wanted his house back. We had a number of options very close to our old house, and thus near to the older children's schools (eldest in juniors, second eldest in infants, walking distance from our house, 5 mins from his old job.)
He wanted to move a little further away, enough so I'd have to drive the kids to school everyday and we were out of catchment for the kids' schools. Not a problem as they retain their place, but a problem for child number 3 who is due to start school next September.
I won't go into the finer points but it means a logistical nightmare for me for dropping kids off and picking them up. He knew that a) I wanted to stay near to where we were as I liked it and it was close to school, b) I wanted child number 3 to go to the same infants as the elder two, and c) that it would make drop off and pick up difficult - and that's without thinking about us wanting me to go back to work.
The trouble is, it is ME who has to pick up all the slack. I don't get a say in any of this, if I do, I'm just being awkward. We have to live where HE wants to live, kids go to the schools HE wants, *I* have to sort it all out and he is not even listening to what I am saying.
It's a recurring theme, I am realising. Us moving in together, us getting married, which surname we'd have, every time we've moved house he's uprooted the kids settled in school because we had to move to an area HE wanted to - he's done this twice now. Even the littlests' food choices - I have been vegetarian for years, the older two are, I wanted the younger two to be and he would not even consider it. Listens then gets all angry. Makes out like I'm crazy or selfish.
I'm now right royally p!ssed off with this happening over and over. What can I do to be heard and get him to realise my opinion is as valid as his?