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I wouldn’t jump to infidelity but I would look at some other things as well…

1) Attachment styles. If one is anxious/preoccupied and the other avoidant this is what happens. The anxious eventually over years gives up chasing the avoidant and checks out, often with little to no warning. I was the anxious one and she’s avoidant. Avoidants will go from 0-100 when all of sudden they realize they’ve lost their partner. “Love bombing” comes off as disingenuous.

2) Priorities. My wife admitted her #1 priority was being the best mom to our kids. And nearly everything out of her mouth is something family or work-related. The phrases she uses a lot are “growing family”, “enjoying time as a family”, “vacations as a family.” Times she talked about improving/growing us….zero. Result - disconnection as a couple.

3) Drifting apart. My wife either wants to do family stuff or her stuff and I go along. We have zero common interests or passions. She tells me to “have fun” as I end up alone doing want I consider connecting. So she is chronically absent from any connecting behavior. Ninety seconds post-orgasm she’s getting dressed. That’s big time disconnecting for me and is frankly squandered pillow talk and connection over 20 years.
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