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For something we both have been talking about and in agreement on, that we need to separate, it sure stung a bit. We both cried, hugged, and... then he took some clothes and left.

And, he sounds like he will be wasting no time. Coming back for loads of his things tomorrow. Says he will call up his old boss, switch jobs and be gone from this town in less than a month. Says it will hurt too much to stay in this town.

Feels kind of surreal.
 

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Sounds like you need to start doing thing with friends and keep busy.

Are his things already packed so that when he comes over you don't have to put up with him in your house for too long?
 

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Sounds like you need to start doing thing with friends and keep busy.

Are his things already packed so that when he comes over you don't have to put up with him in your house for too long?
I don't really have any good friends that I do things with. And, I haven't told anyone he's leaving, not sure how I'll hold up.

No, nothing is packed. At all. Wish it all was.
 

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I don't really have any good friends that I do things with. And, I haven't told anyone he's leaving, not sure how I'll hold up.
tell a couple friends and you'll be surprised which ones reveal themselves to be "good ones" :)
 

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It is so hard to tell people. Like letting other people know about what is happening makes it more real, which I guess it does in a way. In my limited experience, it also seems like the way to deal with separation is getting everything in the open, which has been welcomed by everyone in my family.

I have been kind of cheating though, by pasting my post here into emails to family. I have only told two people face to face what happened, one is my therapist and the other is my sister, and the discussion with her had plenty of wine as a lubricant.

There are so many hard things about these situations and saying out loud to someone is definitely on the list, but once people know at least they can help if that is possible or then they have some idea of why I am just staring at the wall so much.


Distractions, as much as there can be seem to help. Jogging, going to the driving range, cycling all have helped but its hard to get the energy up to do such things. Reading has also been a great thing for me. I guess we each just need to find something else to latch onto for the short term and survive.

And it does hurt so much to think the other person is dealing with this so much better. But if they are then maybe they didn't have as much invested anyway and everything will work out for the best in the end.

Hope it gets better for you.
 

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It is so hard to tell people. Like letting other people know about what is happening makes it more real, which I guess it does in a way. In my limited experience, it also seems like the way to deal with separation is getting everything in the open...
True. I agree with you. But, man... it IS hard. I cry much less if I dont talk about it. Or, think about it, for that matter. But, yeah, they'll find out eventually. I just dont know if want anyone hovering to help right now. I just kinda want to be alone. For like... weeks. Or until its over. Guess I probably cant quite pull that off though.
 

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True. I agree with you. But, man... it IS hard. I cry much less if I dont talk about it. Or, think about it, for that matter. But, yeah, they'll find out eventually. I just dont know if want anyone hovering to help right now. I just kinda want to be alone. For like... weeks. Or until its over. Guess I probably cant quite pull that off though.
I totally hear you. And I know that ignoring problems does not help. As cliched as I know that sounds, my wife and I ignored our problems, (we acknowledged them, but did nothing to solve them) for years, and we are in a terrible place right now. Its the old bandaid analogy I guess, just rip it off.

Maybe your situation does have an 'end' and that can work for you but it doesn't sound like it, and I can see no end in sight for me right now.

I have been chatting with an old male friend today who I will probably see in a couple of weeks and I would love to tell him the whole story, but I don't know if I can do it without breaking down which means I don't know if I can do it at all. (He is male but don't tell him him I said old, its premature greying;) )

I just suck right now. The only way through it is through it.
 

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I totally hear you. And I know that ignoring problems does not help. As cliched as I know that sounds, my wife and I ignored our problems, (we acknowledged them, but did nothing to solve them) for years, and we are in a terrible place right now. Its the old bandaid analogy I guess, just rip it off.

Maybe your situation does have an 'end' and that can work for you but it doesn't sound like it, and I can see no end in sight for me right now.

I have been chatting with an old male friend today who I will probably see in a couple of weeks and I would love to tell him the whole story, but I don't know if I can do it without breaking down which means I don't know if I can do it at all. (He is male but don't tell him him I said old, its premature greying;) )

I just suck right now. The only way through it is through it.
Not a word ;) I won't tell!
And, when you think about it, whats so bad about breaking down, anyway? Geez, look what we're going through... why WOULDN'T we break down?? But, yet, we still feel that we shouldn't.... Have to be so strong. Why? Thats the same reason I dont want to tell anybody.
I finally told my pastor tonight. By text. Only because we had a service scheduled and I'm just not going. Guest speaker in and all. What a loser! I've never let em down like that before. I dont want to face anybody. (And, I wouldnt have said a word except, I never miss... I cant just miss... I'm the praise&worship leader. Maybe not after tonight... I dont even know if I can go back. So many expectations of me. I just cant right now. i cant.
 

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If it helps any, I talked to him last night and it was surprisingly easy to tell the story. And i got lots of sympathy and a swift kick in the ass which is the first one I have gotten in this whole situation. So, its definitely interesting to have other viewpoints and ideas even if you don't agree with them.

Sometimes its ok to not do things. Everyone says you gotta go out there and live and get over it, but, as long as its not a permanent things, I think its ok to be sad and maybe skip some things you usually do. It seems like a normal part of the grieving process to me. The key, and I have no idea how to do this part, is not let it take over your life. That I am still working on.

I have been surprised by people's ability to empathize and their desire to help, which has helped me to feel that way as well.

I hope today is a better day for you.
 

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Thanks so much. I hope it is too. I'm glad that you told him, and it went well for you, one hurdle jumped! Empowers you for the next. Each step forward helps.

I think you're right. It is a grieving process and a little down time is acceptable. And, sometimes life has so many pressures anyway, that when we find ourselves in this type of situation, sometimes, we just cant do it all.
I am going to enjoy my "me" time today, and maybe even get outside and enjoy the sunshine for a while. I never take the time to do that. I love being out in God's beautiful creation... the joy of nature... it should do me some good.

Thanks for your kind words. I hope you have a good day too. You're right, the key is to not let it take you over. You CAN do this. Find joy in odd places, in something simple, in things you use to do, in things you've always wanted to do. In merely the things around you - like flowers you walk by every day but fail to notice. There is good present. Baby steps.
 
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