As the years progress, I feel like my H is getting grouchier and grouchier. He is 32. We both work FT (a lot of times overtime), we have two young children, so yes our lives are stressful at times. I love him and try to be positive and uplifting around him, despite his bad attitude. It can wear on me at times though. I deal with a chronic illness (not yet given a definitive diagnosis, but actively working with doctors to get one) and despite how I feel 99% of the time, I still try to remain upbeat and positive in our home. If for nothing else, than for our childrens sake. I grew up with a very negative/pessimistic mother and father, always talking about worst case scenarios and teaching me to see the glass half empty. So I am a bit sensitive to this type of thinking and don't really want my children to grow up in the same environment that I did. I am a realist, but I think you can teach your children to be realistic and also be able to find the good in things at the same time.
Anyway - trying to think of what else might be relevant to his attitude: Our sex life is about 1 time a week. I would like it more, but he has not been up for it recently. (Says he is too tired, doesn't have any desire for it more than that.) I am on SSRI's and shocked that my drive is actually going up in recent weeks (probably because I am finally starting to feel a little better) and it has made it apparent that his is tapering off. Is that normal for a 32 year old guy? Maybe his prime years are just behind him at this point? He never initiates. I always do. He tries to turn me down gently or participate, but it's clear when he's not up for it, if you know what I mean. No hard feelings on my part - although I do wish he felt better.
He is about 40lbs overweight. He has always been overweight. Looks-wise, he still looks the same as when we married. I am still very attracted to him and desire him, despite the extra weight. I think he carries it well. He says he wants to lose weight, but never does anything to initiate that like starting a diet or exercising. I don't say anything to him about it, at all.
He often comes home from work, in a bad attitude, doesn't greet us at the door and I usually leave him alone to give him some time to unwind. (I take care of the kids and cook dinner, and he usually comes to join us for dinner after about 20-30 mins of alone time.) Sometimes the negativity drags on into the evening - with him snapping at me or the kids over trivial things all evening like "Why are all these toys out?" (kids are playing with them) "Why are they being so loud tonight?" (kids are laughing or talking to each other at normal levels) or something like that. Hopefully you get my drift.
I usually keep my mouth shut and try to just be nice to him, love him, be affectionate to him and hope he'll come around. Sometimes he does. Sometimes his attitude is too much for me to take and I will just go into another room and do something else for awhile.
Occasionally - if we are out in public and he is really being obnoxious - I will calmly pull him aside and tell him to cut it out. He hates when I do that. I make an effort to do it privately and not to embarass him in any way, and only do it when it's getting drastically out of hand, but he always responds by shutting down completely and being mad at me for awhile. So I have to play my cards wisely - is it better to let him continue to be a sour puss around us or for him to give me the silent treatment?
Here's an example that happened this weekend - we have a few Christmas traditions since starting a family. One of them is that we always take the kids to a local christmas tree display, and allow them to pick out one ornament to buy each year. The kids love this tradition and look forward to it. The store is always super crowded (it's like a tourist destination) and there are thousands of ornaments all over the place for people to purchase. Our kids are well behaved (2.5 and 3.5 years old) and before we went into the store, I discussed the ground rules with both of them - no touching the ornaments or picking anything up, ask mommy or daddy if you want to look at something. My 3.5 year old is old enough to understand and obey, the 2.5 year old needs some reminding at times. While in the store my husband was just being awful. The kids wanted to look at things and asked to see a few ornaments, so I got them down and showed them. Anytime they expressed interest in something, he was hovering and scolding us "Don't let them touch that! They will break it!" and coming up to me "Are you watching them? You should have a better hold on them. You are letting them run wild!" (Which I certainly wasn't, they stayed at my side the entire time and were behaving quite well.) He left to go to the bathroom and left me with the kids for about 10 minutes. While he was gone we had a fine time. The kids asked me to see a few ornaments, I had taken them down and handed them to each of them. He came back to see both kids with ornaments in their hands and went ballistic "I can't leave you alone for a second, can I?! You are letting them grab anything they want! You should be holding their hands, they shouldnt be touching this stuff!" and so on. The kids got upset about his behavior and started crying because they thought they were in trouble. What was a happy time then turned into a scene in the store with two crying kids and a husband visibly irritated. That is when I pulled him aside and quietly told him to shape up. We made it through the store with no problems whatsoever, nothing was broken, the kids behaved great, we bought a couple of ornaments. But his attitude almost ruined the day for me and the kids had I let him take over, know what I mean? I just dont understand why he acts that way sometimes. Everything was under control and there was no reason to act that way. People were staring at me as if I was the worst mother ever due to his comments when my kids were doing nothing wrong.
So...what should I do? Do I call him on a bad attitude, or do I keep my mouth shut? What can I do to help him be a happier person in general? Sometimes the bad attitude is draining.
Anyway - trying to think of what else might be relevant to his attitude: Our sex life is about 1 time a week. I would like it more, but he has not been up for it recently. (Says he is too tired, doesn't have any desire for it more than that.) I am on SSRI's and shocked that my drive is actually going up in recent weeks (probably because I am finally starting to feel a little better) and it has made it apparent that his is tapering off. Is that normal for a 32 year old guy? Maybe his prime years are just behind him at this point? He never initiates. I always do. He tries to turn me down gently or participate, but it's clear when he's not up for it, if you know what I mean. No hard feelings on my part - although I do wish he felt better.
He is about 40lbs overweight. He has always been overweight. Looks-wise, he still looks the same as when we married. I am still very attracted to him and desire him, despite the extra weight. I think he carries it well. He says he wants to lose weight, but never does anything to initiate that like starting a diet or exercising. I don't say anything to him about it, at all.
He often comes home from work, in a bad attitude, doesn't greet us at the door and I usually leave him alone to give him some time to unwind. (I take care of the kids and cook dinner, and he usually comes to join us for dinner after about 20-30 mins of alone time.) Sometimes the negativity drags on into the evening - with him snapping at me or the kids over trivial things all evening like "Why are all these toys out?" (kids are playing with them) "Why are they being so loud tonight?" (kids are laughing or talking to each other at normal levels) or something like that. Hopefully you get my drift.
I usually keep my mouth shut and try to just be nice to him, love him, be affectionate to him and hope he'll come around. Sometimes he does. Sometimes his attitude is too much for me to take and I will just go into another room and do something else for awhile.
Occasionally - if we are out in public and he is really being obnoxious - I will calmly pull him aside and tell him to cut it out. He hates when I do that. I make an effort to do it privately and not to embarass him in any way, and only do it when it's getting drastically out of hand, but he always responds by shutting down completely and being mad at me for awhile. So I have to play my cards wisely - is it better to let him continue to be a sour puss around us or for him to give me the silent treatment?
Here's an example that happened this weekend - we have a few Christmas traditions since starting a family. One of them is that we always take the kids to a local christmas tree display, and allow them to pick out one ornament to buy each year. The kids love this tradition and look forward to it. The store is always super crowded (it's like a tourist destination) and there are thousands of ornaments all over the place for people to purchase. Our kids are well behaved (2.5 and 3.5 years old) and before we went into the store, I discussed the ground rules with both of them - no touching the ornaments or picking anything up, ask mommy or daddy if you want to look at something. My 3.5 year old is old enough to understand and obey, the 2.5 year old needs some reminding at times. While in the store my husband was just being awful. The kids wanted to look at things and asked to see a few ornaments, so I got them down and showed them. Anytime they expressed interest in something, he was hovering and scolding us "Don't let them touch that! They will break it!" and coming up to me "Are you watching them? You should have a better hold on them. You are letting them run wild!" (Which I certainly wasn't, they stayed at my side the entire time and were behaving quite well.) He left to go to the bathroom and left me with the kids for about 10 minutes. While he was gone we had a fine time. The kids asked me to see a few ornaments, I had taken them down and handed them to each of them. He came back to see both kids with ornaments in their hands and went ballistic "I can't leave you alone for a second, can I?! You are letting them grab anything they want! You should be holding their hands, they shouldnt be touching this stuff!" and so on. The kids got upset about his behavior and started crying because they thought they were in trouble. What was a happy time then turned into a scene in the store with two crying kids and a husband visibly irritated. That is when I pulled him aside and quietly told him to shape up. We made it through the store with no problems whatsoever, nothing was broken, the kids behaved great, we bought a couple of ornaments. But his attitude almost ruined the day for me and the kids had I let him take over, know what I mean? I just dont understand why he acts that way sometimes. Everything was under control and there was no reason to act that way. People were staring at me as if I was the worst mother ever due to his comments when my kids were doing nothing wrong.
So...what should I do? Do I call him on a bad attitude, or do I keep my mouth shut? What can I do to help him be a happier person in general? Sometimes the bad attitude is draining.
