My husband and I have been together for 9 years, but only married for two. We had a long engagement, because he didn’t seem all that interested in actually being married, just engaged. I put my foot down after five years of our relatives asking us “when the big day was”. I suppose I should have taken that as a sign that there were problems on the horizon, but I chose to ignore the nagging feeling in my gut. A few years after we were engaged, I was working in a different state and living on my ship. He was living with a friend in my home town, and on occasion would take the five hour drive to see me when he wasn’t on his ship. On one of these times, we decided to spend the weekend at his hotel, just enjoying time with each other. During this weekend, he decided he wanted to have sex, but I was not feeling well, and asked him to stop. He ignored me, and persisted, until I became angry and left the room. He followed me out and apologized and we went back in to watch a movie, and talk about what we wanted to do for dinner. He has used this one incident that happened over six years ago, as the reason he won’t start anything in the bedroom. For six years I have to start everything. I have tried sexy lingerie, toys, and any fantasies I can get out of him, and nothing seems to peak his interest. He wants to have children, but when I tell him that we would have to have sex for this to happen, he says “I know” then goes and plays a video game or turns over to go to sleep. We have fought over this, I have cried to myself over this, and still nothing changes. He makes empty promises that he will try, and then never does. He won’t even cuddle with me. I have asked him if it is because he does not find me attractive, he assures me that he does. I asked him if there was anything I could do to make him more interested and he says no. In desperation I asked him if he was cheating, and he said no. I don’t know why but I believe him on this. Then a few months ago I received a text from a mutual friend, telling me that he has sent naked pictures of his wife to my husband. I am not sure why this friend would tell me this, I’m sure he knew it would cause problems. I asked my husband about it, and at first he denied it, then when I showed him the text from our ‘friend’ he came clean. He told me that this friend and his wife had asked him if we would be interested in a foursome, and he said he was. He wanted to talk to me about it, but never did, just accepted the pictures. We had a long fight over this. I asked him why he could talk to these two people about sex but never to me, his wife. He said he didn’t know. I told him that he could do whatever he wanted, but I wanted no part in this. He chose to not go through with the foursome, claiming his marriage meant more than empty sex with other people. Neither of us are in contact with these ‘friends’ and have not been in over a year. I have tried to get him interested in sex with me again, and nothing has worked. I have flip-flopped between waiting until he initiates sex, and starting it myself. I have recently decided that something drastic has to happen, because I cannot go on in a marriage with no cuddling, kissing, or sex. He claims he loves me, but only shows it in words never actions. I am starting to want a divorce, if only because I feel so unloved in this marriage. Is this normal so soon after marriage?