[mistyl]

About 4 days ago I found out that my husband had been keeping a lie from Before our marriage. It is about another woman. At 1st he said he was sorry and takes full responsibility. That he would do anything to fix it. Well the end result was me kicking him out of our room and giving him the cold shoulder. At 1st I think he thought it would just be the one night. (We have never stayed mad at each other for more then a day or two in our 5year marriage and I have never really kicked him out of the room. We would just go to bed mad and work it out he next day) day 2 he wanted to talk to me and I told him "no, I have nothing to talk to you about right now". I think that is when he realized that I was serious. Now on day 3 and 4 he has been giving me the cold shoulder and acting like he is mad at me. That does not make me feel like he would do anything to fix it. Thinking a separation is on the way. Needing advice.

 

[SlowlyGettingWiser]

Okay, WOMAN-UP here, YOU are in the wrong!

YOU gave HIM the cold shoulder; he tried to talk to you about it AFTER RESPECTING YOUR WISH to be alone the first night.

YOU REBUFFED his attempt to re-open communication. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT HIM TO DO? HE'S ALREADY TRIED GROVELING, and THAT didn't work. Is he supposed to grovel EVERY DAY until you decide to talk to him?

The ball is in YOUR court. YOU refused to discuss the situation with him when he asked to. NOW YOU have to initiate the next round of talks. When you do, you should THANK HIM for respecting your space and allowing you to get your head together.

[BTW, I'm a woman and I think you're in the wrong.]

 

[Chelle D]

I agree, I think it is in your court to try to open the communication again. He tried. You shut him out.

How do you think he is giving you the cold shoulder now? Is it that Now after the 3,4 & 5 day mark, that now you ARE trying to communicate & talk to him & he is telling you no? Or just that he is not starting conversations with you (but you are not starting them either).. that you are interpretting that he is ignoring you?

Put a note on the couch pillow & invite him back to the bedroom.
Open up a line of communication.

I think it is time forgive him for something that happened before the marriage. Obviously it has not affected how much he has loved you in the past 5 years??!! So, now, just because you know about the incident, now it is supposed to affect his love for you now?

 

[underwater2010]

So the lie is from BEFORE the marriage. Was it an affair during your courting period? Or something he did with another woman before you even started dating?

Either way, you need to COMMUNICATE about the issue. He let you huff and puff for the night that you found out. He has tried to discuss the issue with you, but you would not talk. Now he is pissed.

Here is how to handle it. Make sure he is a relaxed mood then tell him how sorry you are for behaving like a child and you are ready to talk about the issue. State the problem and then listen to his side. Then decide if you are BOTH willing to work on the problem.

I think the problem is that you two have a problem communicating.