I have been married for 18 years. About 4 months ago my husband asked to separate for the millionth time. I finally said yes. I was desparetly hoping one day this would happen and I would have the courage to let him leave, I did love him, I do love him. He did move out 2 months later, however we maintained a sexual relationship. We talked about safe sex and if something ever happened he nor I would put each other at risk. He said he was not interested in dating and I believed him as our sex life was never better. He had his place and I had mine and we talked and saw each other everyday. We haven't fought with each other since we were in counseling (2 months prior and another 2 months he was in his own place). He started seeking help from a psychiatrist and they put him on anti-depressants. As our therapist and myself had recommended. I always thought his isolation, depression and withdrawal behaviors during our marriage was due to depression. Silly me. About 3 weeks ago things started getting weird, he didn't want to have sex with me and I lost it. I finally lost it. He thought he wanted to start dating. I asked if he already did and he said once. Ultimately, in the 3 week nightmare I've been in I found out he is curious about sex with a man, has had unprotected sex with at least 5 woman (maybe men) and the whole time was still having sex with me. And this is what he admitted to. He denied sex with a man. I also found 100s of emails he sent to Craigslist personals and emails to homosexually explict addressess. He admitted to having a sex addiction. All that time I thought he was depressed, nope well maybe a little, he has been addicted to porn. Horrible Porn. His lust killed our marriage. I have been to the doctor to get tested, I'm clean for now but have to return in 3 months. I'm a strong, fun, loving woman with tons of friends and am usually that friend with all the answers. Look at me now. I'm in grief and I'm scared and I can't figure out why I want to see my husband. I'm so angry with him, but want to see him. I don't want to have sex with him, but I loved him very much. How long will I cry everyday? I'm devastated.